A Slickery Nipurbula Please

Momma makes fun of me all the time because I make up a lot of words. Ace, being the sponge he is, will most likely hear me say something totally off the wall and think it is normal…and repeat it.

So, I feel it is my duty, as Ace’s Dad, to educate the public with definitions of the terms that Ace will be using. Hopefully then, someone out there will have a clue about what he is talking about in the future.

Nookin’ – Ever heard someone say they are nic’n? When they are in desperate need of some nicotine, the term “nic-ing” is common. So what about when you are in some desperate need of some nookie? Wouldn’t you be nookin’? Being a male who’s sole existence is fueled on testosterone, I find myself nookin’ quite regularly. 🙂 WARNING: Never say, “Dear, I’m nookin’. Wanna go upstairs?” Doesn’t work. Trust me. I’ve tried this method multiple times and have been shut down every single time. 😀

Plogged – This is a combination of being plugged and clogged. For example, when I have a cold, my nose gets “plogged”. The shower drain gets plogged with hair sometimes. The toilet gets plogged with too much TP from time to time. Plogged. It’s a great word that Webster forgot to mention in his book.

Slickery – Slickery is another combination of two words. Slick and slippery. When it snows then sidewalks get slickery. Slickery when wet!

Pantons – Feminine hygiene is one topic I try to stay out of. But it never fails…that time of the month rolls around and there are no feminine hygiene products in the house, even though I bought the super jumbo pack last month. Shiznits! Off again I go to the store to buy some Pantons. I can’t even bring myself to type the word! You know the things with an applicator…a string…the million wrappers in the bathroom trashcan. Those things are what I am talking about. Pantons!

Panshoo – I have no idea how this word came about. Panshoo comes in a bottle. I prefer the $0.89 per bottle kind. Momma prefers the $40 per bottle kind. There are probably 154 different bottles of panshoo sitting in our shower at the moment. One is mine. Momma has 153. Can you guess what it is? ….. Shampoo! (I know I’m a weirdo, you don’t have to tell me.)

Nipurbulas – It’s a body part. Everyone has two of them. Some are big. Some are small. Some are dark, and some are almost invisible. On guys they don’t have much practical use other than keeping us from looking funny when we take off our shirts. Figure it out yet? Nips! Nipples! Nipurbulas!

Watoosie – A watoosie tends to follow you every where you go. You sit on it. Women always ask if their pants make it look big. Got it yet? Rear end…bum…butt…watoosie!

So…next time you go to the bar…order a slickery nipurbula and see if they know what you are talking about. 😀

6 Comments

  1. PG says:

    Tampons! Tampons! Tampons! Come on man, it’s alright.

  2. les says:

    Ah man, what do women do when they put out a smoke with their foot – they TAMPON it.

    but what is Shiznits! perhaps I don’t want to know.

    As for the shampoo = buy some fancy bottles – make your own mixture – anniversary gift for the next 10 years – called recycling – don’t know if you would get away with it for that long – worth a try.

    Where is ya post by email subscription service?

    🙂

  3. Jared says:

    PG: Stil.Just.Can’t… I’ll have to work on that one… 😀

    Les: LOL! Nice one… Shiznits…the non-curse-word for “shit”. I thought about taking all of the half empty bottles and combining them to reduce space. My luck it would have some weird chemical reaction and when Momma washes her hair…it would all fall out…or turn green…or something that I would never live down. 😀

    In case anyone else wants to subscribe via email…just click on the subscribe link at the end of each post. Then look for the link that says “Get DadThing.com delivered by email”

  4. Kim says:

    Okay, so you actually buy Pantons? how did your wife get you trained.. can she write a book? Only kidding, that rocks that you do that for love.. and by the way.. I am a panshoo addict as well.. so I understand the need for numerous bottles.. 🙂

  5. Jared says:

    Kim: I think she mentioned something about something dripping on the floor…a mess on the car seat…a new pair of jeans…etc etc. I opted to go to the store. 🙂

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