Things I need to get out of my head!!! (Update)

Friends, some days I wonder what they are good for!  Other days I know for sure, but Friday when I needed someone to cry to, a “good” friend of mine didn’t have the time to listen.  I’m always aware of how people are feeling, this is a personality trait I suppose, but I thought maybe hearing the tears in my voice or just my words would be indication enough that I needed to talk.  Maybe she didn’t know what to say, in which case just listening would have been fine; or maybe she is not used to hearing me cry, this could be the truth.  I can’t remember the last time I had a good cry; you know the one where your nose is running and it’s hard to catch your breathe (not that this was the way I was crying) but I’m not a crier so this is new to me.  But I needed her and she wasn’t there for me and at that exact moment (well after I hung up the phone) I decided that I wouldn’t be there for her either.  I didn’t answer my phones this weekend when she called (about 9 times total) and I deleted her voicemail messages without even listening……irrational behavior on my behalf?  Maybe, but if she would have listened to me on Friday she would understand!

So back to Friday:  I finally went to the doctor on Thursday, being a good listener, I was there to follow up from a previous visit about a week before.  My thyroid (and the waterworks start) is causing some major issues!  I have elevated blood pressure, heart palpitations, irregular heartbeat, headaches, shortness of breathe, insomnia, forgetfulness, (scatter brained as the doctor stated) shifting moods, raging emotions (of which I can no longer control), and yeah I think that’s about it.  Oh wait no, I am NOT ovulating, I must now go on birth control and have been strongly advised to not become pregnant anytime soon.  I’m apparently loosing my mind  though and that is the primary concern next to the crazy-fast thyroid.  My mood swings and raging emotions, let me tell you, that is hard to handle!  I think I’m going crazy inside my own head, not the hearing voices or anything like that kind of crazy, just the regular kind.    My PCP suggested that I begin Prozac for some depression issues that I’m experiencing.  Further making me feel insane, but it will also help with my insomnia.  You mean it’s not normal to be awake for days at a time and then sleep for 15 hours?  Here it’s 1:33am as I type and I’m not a bit tired, but I did get to sleep for 13 hours last night, I thought that was the problem obviously I was wrong I have some issues!  So right now my PCP is going to treat the symptoms of my fast thyroid and let the specialist actually treat the problems with my thyroid.  That brings us back to the baby making problem.  I’ve been advised by both the PCP and my OB/GYN to avoid pregnancy until the issue is resolved with my thyroid.  My question was what does one have to do with the other?  I guess my thyroid is causing me to not ovulate (although I still get a monthly bill, this is just my body going with the flow /no pun intended) which is problem #1; and problem #2 is that my heart is at risk for injury due to the increase in speed caused by thyroid hormone production.  The problem with getting pregnant while going through the process of killing my thyroid is the possibility of damage to the fetus, good enough reason for me to avoid pregnancy.  My concern is how long will this take?  I’m requesting they just remove my thyroid, the doctor suggests radiation therapy to kill my thyroid: who’s suggestion is correct? I’m a big fan of the old if it don’t work get rid of it method, but I think that any doctor would suggest otherwise.  Does anyone out there have any experience with this….can you offer any advice? I don’t know where this leaves me/us, but I hope this gets taken care of sooner rather than later.

MISC RAMBLING: I’m so glad we had a great weekend together as a family, it kept my mind busy with other things.  That is until now, that while the world sleeps I am wide awake!  Awake and able to think and type about last weeks appointment, to go through the conversation again, the parts I remember at least, and figure out what my next step needs to be.  Wishing my problem away didn’t help, so now I must follow the doctors orders!  No more baby-making in this house, at least for awhile.  I guess the upside is that I can get more homework done….one of these years I intend to finish my bach degree!  God knows, maybe I’ll have my PhD by the time this is all said and done, I sure the hell hope not!

8 Comments

  1. RubiaLala says:

    I am sorry your friend was not there for you. Although some may say your reaction was irrational, I don’t think so and I probably would have done the same thing.

    I do not have any experience with what you are going through and cannot offer any advice. For that I am sorry.

    On a (trying to be) positive note, you CAN have all the sex you want without the pressure of worrying about pregnancy. I know that when people are trying to conceive, the “specialness” of sex can fade away and it can become more a scheduled “chore.” Not sure if you were ever in that boat, but have fun for now!

    You are doing the right thing by waiting and taking care of your health first. Be the healthiest mommy you can be.

    Hugs.

  2. Sorry to hear about all the crap, waiting and uncertainty is a real bugger.

    For what it’s worth, when you’re awake and should be sleeping, I’m up and about here in Holland ;0)

    Just don’t tell hubby.

  3. Kim says:

    I don’t have any advice.
    I don’t have any calming words.
    I do know that good soul crying works wonders.
    Sending huge hugs your way.

  4. Momo Fali says:

    Oh Momma! I’m so sorry to hear all this. I hope your doctor’s advice works out for you and that things improve.

    As for the friend…well, I’ve learned that life is too short to hold on to friendships that only work one way.

  5. Jared says:

    @Xbox: I can read, ya know! Later man!

  6. Bob O says:

    Wow! While I don’t have experience or even know what you are going through..I just wanted to say hang in there! Eventually, all things come to pass and you will be where you need to be when you get there!

    Ha – how’s that for cryptic advise! LOL. Anyway, as one of the previous posters stated – try to be as positive about things as you can be. Just take care of yourself right now and get healthy again.

  7. Chris says:

    I very good friend of mine has a thyroid problem as well…However, she had no problem with pregnancy. The mood swings and uncontrolable crying and sometimes irrationality were apparent. Butone thing for sure, she received a lot of support from her friends because she told us what she was going through.

    Hope your days are better.

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