Why Buy Toys?

I mean seriously.  Ace has a whole room full of toys.  Hell, you risk life and limb just to venture into the booby trapped maze of Fisher Price land mines!

With all the toys that Ace has, it never seems to amaze me the things that he plays with…

Favorite toy #1 is the toilet plunger!  How much more sanitary of a toy could he find?  If we leave the bathroom door open, it is a given that I will eventually trip over a tool designed to push a chunk of poo the size of a drain pipe!

Favorite toy #2 is the toilet brush…  If you find the poop pusher in the kitchen, you are likely to find the Porcelain God’s  loofah somewhere nearby.  Let’s just see how many places we can spread the fecal matter, shall we?

Favorite Toy #3 is the attachment for the vacuum.  But you know what’s funny..?  If I actually attach it to the vacuum and turn it on so that he will actually be doing some cleaning…he wants nothing to do with it.  😀

Favorite Toy #4 is the trash can lid.  If you take it off of the trash can, put it in the middle of the tile kitchen floor, stand on it until it is flat, and then jump off… it snaps back into shape with a loud POP.  Damned Rubbermaid…

And finally, Favorite Toys #5, 6, 7, 8, and 9…anything that is stacked in a neat pile, put away in a cabinet, on the counters, hanging from the Christmas tree, or otherwise purposely hidden from a two year olds view and/or reach…

What are your kids’ favorite “toys”?

Ever Lost Your Kid?

The other morning Momma woke up and heard the TV on downstairs…and it was on cartoons.  Ace has never gone down the stairs before in his life (without rolling down them).  She went downstairs to find Ace running around the downstairs nekkid as a jay bird!!

Apparently, he took off his jams and diaper and decided to let the boys air out a bit…

Then she noticed a Fed Ex package sitting inside the living room next to the front door.  She figured that I met the Fed Ex guy on my way out the door and threw the package inside…but I didn’t.

So our best guess is that Ace unlocked the front door and opened it when the Fed Ex guy knocked… probably greeting him in his birthday suit.   The Fed Ex guy didn’t see a parent around, threw the package inside and shut the door.

Thank goodness it was our honest Fed Ex guy at the door, and not a child molester!!!

We have had a few things in place to keep this from happening…a baby gate at the bottom of the stairs, and a chain lock on the front door.

However, when I leave for work I can not lock the chain lock because you can only lock it from the inside.  And the baby gate?  I know I shut it.  So Ace found some way of forcing it open and then shut it behind him…or he climbed over it.

Then a few days later I wake up to go to work and went to check on Ace before I left.  He got sick in the middle of he night and we had to change his sheets at 3 AM, so I was making sure he didn’t puke all over himself again…

He was not in his bed.

I checked the baby gate down the stairs and it was shut.  The chain was still on the door.  He has to be in the house somewhere!?

I checked all the closets thinking that maybe he climbed in there and slept for the night.  I checked all the rooms upstairs and even in the bathtub.

Ace was no where to be found!

So eventually I go downstairs to find Ace lying in the middle of the living room floor, fast asleep, with his Teddy and Blanky where he apparently fell asleep watching cartoons in the middle of the night.

He had shut the gate behind him and could not get it back open to go back upstairs to bed.

One of the scary things is that he isn’t the most graceful person going down the stairs, and he likes to carry 20 times his weight in stuffed animals down with him.  I know I am going to wake up one morning the sound of THUMP THUMP THUMP as he is tumbling down the stairs.

And the sad thing is there is no way to gate off the top of the stairs!!

Maybe we’ll have to lock him in his room…but I’m sure that is against all kinds rules to Children Services .  😀

So, we’ve been practicing going down the stairs.  If he’s going to do it, we might as well teach him the safe way to do it.  Hand on the wall.  One step at a time.  Put down the stuffed animals.  Quit horsing around!

And now I leave through the side door…which he hasn’t figured out how to open yet.  This way the chain lock can stay on the front door.

Can you imagine the look on the Fed Ex guy’s face when a butt naked two year old answered the door?  😀