If Prison Wasn’t Such A Bad Place…

Ace and I were at the playground behind the neighborhood school the other morning.  The sun was shining (for once), and I was bound determined to soak up every ounce I could get.  It was going to be a good day!  I was taking loads pictures with the new camera and Ace was enjoying the curvy slide, the swing, and the bouncy bridge at the playground!

Everything was great!  We were both having a good time until…….I came across the first person that I wanted to literally strangle the life out of!

I have seen many people in my life.  Probably in the multiple tens of thousands I would guess.  Most of them are nice people.  Some are jack-asses, but not a single one ever fired me up like this one.

So,  I was helping Ace climb up the ladder to the bridge that leads to the slide when I heard, from around the corner of the school, a lady…sorry, wrong word, she was far from a lady…a bellowing woman yell at the top of her lungs… “SHUT THE F*CK UP!”

It caught me off guard.  I mean after all, we were at a school…ya know…where kids are present?   …and then she yelled it again…and again…and again!

Finally the bellowing woman rounded the corner of the school building with two other adults, three kids (maybe 8, 10, and 12 yrs old), and a dog on a leash.

They finally made it over to the playground…and of course had to play on the same piece of playground equipment that Ace was on.

I could hear one of the boys (the 10yr old) whining to his Mom (biologically..not emotionally) that he wanted to walk the dog.

She yells again, “YOU HAD YOUR F*CKING CHANCE TO WALK HIM AT HOME!  YOUR BROTHER IS WALKING HIM NOW SO SHUT THE F*CK UP AND QUIT YOUR DAMN CRYING!”

The boy cries more and asks again.  “Please Mom…I just want to walk the dog….please please please…”

The woman stands up and starts to unbuckle her belt.  The boy runs and screams…”GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE!  ONE MORE CHANCE MOMMY!  JUST ONE MORE CHANCE!”

At this time Ace has just made his way up onto the bridge and is walking across it.  I’m standing on the ground below him.

The lady whips out her belt and chases her son around the playground.  The other two adults with the group were laughing hysterically.

The boy runs up the ladder onto the same piece of playground equipment that Ace was on…and the Mom follows with belt cocked.

The boy stops about two feet before he gets to where Ace is and…WHACK!  She whipped the boy with her belt diagonally across his upper back.  And if a belt across the upper back wasn’t bad enough…it was a STUDDED BELT.  You know, the ones with the big stainless steel spikey looking things…!

After she cracked the boy…it was silent.  The laughing stopped.  The boys screaming stopped.  The only sound I could hear was the panting of the crazy woman.

I didn’t say a word.  I was speechless.  And then she looked at me and said, “Go ahead and call f*cking Child Services.  They can raise them.  I gave birth to them.  I can do whatever the f*ck I want to them.”

Aaaaand now I am pissed.  If a look could kill I’m pretty sure she would have died ten times over.

If it wasn’t for the whole going to prison thing I could have easily strangled her right there with her belt…

And then to top it off the other adults start laughing and yelling at the boy to stop crying.  His crying was scaring the little boy (Ace).

“No..you bunch of hill jack, loud mouth, studded belt swinging, piece of shit parents who think it’s funny to chase a little 10 year old around the playground putting all of these other younger kids at risk for getting hurt are scaring him!”

Man, that would have felt good coming out of my mouth…but I held it in.  It definitely went through my mind though!

No matter how bad I wanted to, I knew I couldn’t say anything.  These were the kind of people who honestly don’t care.  If they would go through all of that trouble to punish a boy for asking to walk the dog, what do you think they would do if I threatened to call the police?  And I was there by myself with Ace.  Nope.  I was not putting him in any kind of danger.

So I sucked it up…and kept my mouth shut.  I got Ace down from the playground and we walked over to the next playground area.

No stupid hill jack, loud mouth, studded belt swinging POS Mom was going to ruin our day!

Mind Over Bladder

Today was the day.  The day that Ace was going to start using the potty!

Ace woke up about 10 o’clock…straight to the bathroom we went.  Nothing.

No diaper for this little guy today.  The boys were going to air themselves out…plus this way I could make sure he didn’t spoil my plan.

Breakfast was made and devoured.  Off to the bathroom we went.  Nothing.

Ace played…watched cartoons…and every 15-20 minutes…off to the bathroom we went.  And every time….nothing!

About two hours had passed.  I keep thinking to myself that my strategy is working.  His bladder is getting full and his will power weakening.  Yet, still…nothing.

So I bring out the big guns…a big cup of water. Ace downed it like he had been hiking across Death Valley in search for something to quench his thirst.

I chuckled a little bit inside, knowing that he had fallen for it.  My plan was working!

Fifteen minutes roll by.  “The pee potion must be really taking affect now!”, I think to myself.  So we head to the bathroom…nothing!

Man this kid is strong!  I start to second guess my strategy, but soon realize that what goes in must come out.  It is only a matter of time now!

I stand my ground.  Every 15 minutes like clock work we visit the bathroom…only for me to leave a little less confident.

Finally, it is 2 o’clock.  Four hours had passed.  Hell, I have went three times and yet Ace’s bladder of steel still holds strong!  That thing has got to be about ready to burst!

To my dismay, in walks Momma.  “Get your shoes on.  We are going to a birthday party today.”

Can it not wait a bit longer?  He is going to break any minute now!  I just know it!

What?  It can’t be!  I have been defeated!  Ace’s aired out nether regions are being covered up by the dreaded Sesame Street covered diapers of doom!

Four long hours of battle and Ace wins by bringing in reinforcements!

My head hangs low in defeat, but there will be another day.  Ace, you may have won the battle, but you have not won the war!

Knight Image by pasukaru76

Speech Therapy?

I cannot believe it.  Ace will be 3 years old in 6 days!

At three years old there is the three year check up with the doctor…

Ace has always been small for his age, 4th to 5th percentile for his weight, but it looks like he is making some progress!  He was in the 25th percentile this time!

Ace  has entered the “parrot stage” and that leads to some interesting moments in our household.  😀  Special thanks goes out to his uncle Mike and Jason for teaching him to chant “Whitey Tighteys!  Whitey Tighteys!”…or more recently….”JEEEEESSSSSUUUSSSSSSS!!!!”

Ace is a jibber-jabberrer.  Constantly talking about who knows what.  It is mostly repeating what he hears on his cartoons, or his more recent past time…his Sesame Street game on the “COMPUUUUUTER”.

Ace is smart.  I would have to say quite a bit smarter than the average soon to be 3 year old…but he gets that honest.  😀  Just kidding…

No really… he knows all of his letters, upper and lower case…all of his numbers up to 20…the names of almost any animal that can be found in one of his books…the sounds that all of these animals make…and just about every inanimate object in our house…including the refrigerator, dishwasher, washing machine, dryer…you name it, he can tell you what it is.  The names of all the characters in the cartoons he watches…hell, he can even sing along with many of the songs on the radio..!

He knows how things work, and if he doesn’t he will play with them until he does. Ever see a kid roll his cars over to check that the wheels spin freely before playing with it?  Well, then you have never seen Ace.  😀

Ever seen a soon to be three year old hop up to the laptop, close all of the open programs, save your work if you left it open, then open a game for him to play?  Well, then you have never seen Ace.  😀

But there is one thing that concerns his doctor (and me and Momma too a little bit).  He has never asked for anything.  Ever! If he is thirsty, he might bring you his empty cup, but he has never verbally asked.

If he is tired, he may grab your hand and pull you upstairs to his bedroom.  But not once has he said “Bedtime!”

If I point to a picture of  Momma and I, he will call us Momma and Daddy.  If I say, “Go get your Momma!”, he will run to her.  But, he never says “Mommy come here.” or “Daddy, I’m hungry”

He is very self sufficient.  If he wants something, and can do it himself…he does.  If he can’t do it himself…he finds  some way to communicate to us what he wants.

I guess that asking for things is a very important step in the learning process. And somehow Ace is behind in that aspect according to all of the “experts”.

So, we get to go see a speech therapist for a consult just to make sure that Ace is on track.

Which, I guess is a good thing.  If he does need help learning in some areas, it would definitely be better to know now, rather than when he starts Kindergarten in a few years.

Have you ever had to take your children to a speech therapist?  What do they do there?  What can we expect?  Please share your stories in the comments!