That Crazy Blue Elephant

June 13th, 2009

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Well, that crazy blue elephant has returned again this summer…reekin’ havoc upon Ace in his very own backyard.

That damned thing comes out every time it gets warm and teases him with a small shower of cool water, just big enough for a three foot tall person to run through and cool down on a hot summer day.

And then once he gets close enough to enjoy the small shower… WHASHOOSH! The elephant explodes with a massive flood of freezing cold water that pours down on him…sending him into shock and he runs for his life… 😀

He reaches safety just in time to see the monsoon turn once again into a small pleasant shower.

And then he does it again…and again…and again…

But after a while he starts to catch on…

…and he realize that there is a certain someone ( with a camera ) that is enjoying this a little too much. This certain someone turns a knob connected to the hose every time the monsoon rains down on him.

He is getting smarter…wiser…more experienced. It looks like that certain someone will have to step up their game in order to keep fooling this toddler. 😀

Tags: fun, Funny Stuff, Growing Up, sprinkler, summer
Posted in: Fun Activities, Funny Stuff, Growing Up, Pictures |
Views: 3,223
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A Weekend Of Backflips

June 7th, 2009

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Today we were at the ballpark watching one of our friends daughters play softball. Ace and I went to the playground. 😀

Of course, Ace is not quite big enough for the playground. He can’t climb up to get on the slide, and he is not tall enough to jump on the swing set. So, Daddy gets to play too.

Ace was swinging…Dad was pushing…Ace’s hands keep getting lower and lower on the chain. He was eventually holding on to just the rings on the swing’s seat and not actually the chain.

He was getting wobbly and I was afraid we would end up in the emergency room. So, I stopped the swing…raised his hands back up on the chain…made sure he had a good grip…and gave a slight push.

What’s Ace do? He lets go!

It couldn’t be at the lowest point of the swinging arc. No no no! It had to be at the very tippity top. Right where the swing stops moving forward and start coming back down.

So what happens? Gravity. That’s what happened!

Ace fell a few feet and landed on his back in the gravel under the swing set. Of course I’m the only Dad at the playground, so all I heard were a bunch of Moms gasping for air…like that was going to stop him from hitting the ground so hard. 😀

It knocked the wind outta the little guy, but we walked back over to where Momma was and a sucker made everything hunky dory! 😀

And if you thought that was bad…

We were in the backyard playing. Actually, I was working and Ace was playing. I see Ace climb up the ladder on the swingset to go down the slide. He has only mastered this feat in the past few weeks and is extremely proud of himself for being able to slide by himself.

When I see him get to the top I usually give him a big smile and a “Yey!” Positive reinforcement, right?

So I give him a big smile. He smiles back.

Then I see is his eyes get big…

I see him falling backwards… (of course all of this is in slow motion) 😀

His feet are above his head…

He’s coming full circle…a full backflip…

Only about a foot from the ground now…

…and SMACK! His face hits the ladder.

My eyes shut as I see his face bounce off of the piece of steel.

I open my eyes, try to remain calm, and briskly walk his way…

I can hear Ace crying…

Damn this is a long 20 foot walk…

Screw being calm…I’m running…

I find Ace lying face first in the grass…

I pictured black eyes, blood, a broken nose, and a trip to the ER.

I picked him up…roled him over…his face looked OK (for a screaming, slobbering 2 year old)…his arms appeared to be attached and in one piece…by God we may have come out of this one unscathed…but we go inside for a Momma inspection just in case. 😀

Luckily all he had was a nice sized Goose Egg right between the eyes! No trip to the ER, no black eyes the next day, no blood, no broken bones…just a bit of swelling, a bit of crying, and a Dad whom you would have thought just saw his kid fall off of the Empire State Building . 😀

And people wonder where the gray in my beard comes from… 😀

Tags: emergency room, outside, playing, swing set
Posted in: Family, Fun Activities, Funny Stuff, Health |
Views: 11,319
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Rocks and Shit

June 2nd, 2009

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We spent the weekend in my home town at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. Riding the 4-Wheeler, lying by the pool, going swimming, and doing a little bit of partying on Saturday night.

Ace, however spent the weekend sharpening his speech skills and getting lessons from some of the best out there… 😀

Aunt Amber and Aunt Amy taught him some silly Frog song and he spent the weekend running around saying “mmmmm-eckkkkk mmmmm-eckkkkk mmmmm-eckkkkk-eckkkkk “. Don’t ask me… 😀

Aunt Amy also thought it would be just darling for him to start his flirt training. She successfully got him to say “Hey Gurrrl!” to a few of his potential future mates. You better watch out girls! 😀

Grandpa pulled in the driveway in his old truck, but Ace could not see him. Ace looked to the sky and said “Hewicoptur!”. I think he is indirectly telling you it is time for a new muffler Gramps. 😀

And last but not least, Ace was walking barefoot across the patio when someone noticed he was not putting weight on the heel of his foot. Everyone thought he may have stepped on something sharp. So, I picked up his foot and brushed off a bunch of dirt and rocks. I announced to the peanut gallery that it was just some “Rocks and Shit”. And of course, Ace proceeded to copy my excellent English lingo and announce by himself that it was just a bunch of “Rocks and Shit!”, “Rocks and Shit!”, “Rocks and Shit!”

Can’t Bose make some curse word canceling headphones? I mean hell they make the noise canceling ones! 😀

Tags: funny, funny story, learning, talking
Posted in: Family, Fun Activities, Funny Stuff, Growing Up, Like Father Like Son, Misc Ramblings |
Views: 4,557
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Whitey Tighteys!

May 11th, 2009

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So, it has finally started to happen. Ace has been slowly starting to talk. First it was a few simple words like “Hi” and “Bye”. Then, he learned some animals: dog, cat, cow, sheep, bird.

But, tonight we were watching my favorite educational television show…Cops. They sure do find America’s finest to show. Other countries watching Cops probably think we are a bunch of toothless, wife beater wearing crack heads. But that is OK…it is good entertainment…for adults.

So anyways, they show this old man who was fighting with his wife. His wife called the cops and when the cops arrived the man was just wearing his underwear…whitey tighteys.

They call them whitey tighteys for a reason…they are supposed to be kinda tight. But this guy had them a size too big and about ready to fall off.

It was funny, and Ace’s Uncle Mike (also known as Munch in Ace lingo) shouted out in laughter…”Whitey Tighteys!”

And here comes Ace marching through the room clapping and chanting…””Whitey Tighteys! “Whitey Tighteys!” 😀 It was hilarious!

I’m sure it is just a start to what Uncle Munch is going to teach Ace…and I have it coming. Still to this day Uncle Munch’s daughter, Olivia still broadcasts to the world (public places included) that she farted. 😀

Where on Earth would she learn to do something like that? 😀

Tags: learning, talking, tv, uncle munch
Posted in: Family, Funny Stuff, Growing Up |
Views: 5,142
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It’s Lock Down Time!

March 27th, 2009

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Ace and I were outside enjoying the nice weather we’ve been having lately. He was playing in his sandbox, on his swing-set, kickin’ his ball…ya know all the fun outside stuff a kid does.

I, on the other hand was cleaning up the crap that had somehow managed to blow from everyone else’s yard into ours over the past few Winter months. I then started to pull some of the weeds that had taken over our flower beds.

This whole time Ace was happy playing in the very back of the yard which is completely fenced in. Soon he ventured up toward the house and was playing on the deck. I was working near the deck and could see Ace in plain site.

I turned around to gather up some crap out of the yard. When I turned back around, less than 30 seconds later…Ace was not in sight.

I stood up and could not see the little booger head anywhere…

Ya see he has had this fetish for the driveway lately…the only un-fenced section of the yard. He wants to exit the back yard and venture into the wilderness of the driveway and front yard.

I got up and ran to the driveway hoping to see Ace toddling not to far from me, but he was not in sight. “Shit! Where did he go!” I ran out front…looked left….looked right…nothing.

I ran back to the back yard and made sure I did not somehow miss him if he was hiding behind the pool, or hiding behind the slide of the swingset. Nothing…the kid was GONE!

My vocabulary at the moment had been reduced to…”Shit! F#&%! Shit! F#$@!”

I ran back out front again to have another look. I went around to the other side of the house…looked up and down the street…nothing. My chest felt heavy, yet my heart was racing.

“Momma is going to kill me!” (My vocabulary suddenly gained 6 words.)

I ran out back to look one more time…and there he is…coming out of the damn shed all happy and giddy. Looking up at the birds in the trees out back…just happy to be outside.

It’s no wonder I’m losing my hair and turning Grey at a rapid rate! 😀

Guess what I did the very next weekend…

There will be no escaping on Daddy's watch!

I built a gate! There will be no escaping on Daddy’s watch! 😀

Posted in: Child Safety, Funny Stuff |
Views: 11,423
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