Things I need to get out of my head!!! (Update)

Friends, some days I wonder what they are good for!  Other days I know for sure, but Friday when I needed someone to cry to, a “good” friend of mine didn’t have the time to listen.  I’m always aware of how people are feeling, this is a personality trait I suppose, but I thought maybe hearing the tears in my voice or just my words would be indication enough that I needed to talk.  Maybe she didn’t know what to say, in which case just listening would have been fine; or maybe she is not used to hearing me cry, this could be the truth.  I can’t remember the last time I had a good cry; you know the one where your nose is running and it’s hard to catch your breathe (not that this was the way I was crying) but I’m not a crier so this is new to me.  But I needed her and she wasn’t there for me and at that exact moment (well after I hung up the phone) I decided that I wouldn’t be there for her either.  I didn’t answer my phones this weekend when she called (about 9 times total) and I deleted her voicemail messages without even listening……irrational behavior on my behalf?  Maybe, but if she would have listened to me on Friday she would understand!

So back to Friday:  I finally went to the doctor on Thursday, being a good listener, I was there to follow up from a previous visit about a week before.  My thyroid (and the waterworks start) is causing some major issues!  I have elevated blood pressure, heart palpitations, irregular heartbeat, headaches, shortness of breathe, insomnia, forgetfulness, (scatter brained as the doctor stated) shifting moods, raging emotions (of which I can no longer control), and yeah I think that’s about it.  Oh wait no, I am NOT ovulating, I must now go on birth control and have been strongly advised to not become pregnant anytime soon.  I’m apparently loosing my mind  though and that is the primary concern next to the crazy-fast thyroid.  My mood swings and raging emotions, let me tell you, that is hard to handle!  I think I’m going crazy inside my own head, not the hearing voices or anything like that kind of crazy, just the regular kind.    My PCP suggested that I begin Prozac for some depression issues that I’m experiencing.  Further making me feel insane, but it will also help with my insomnia.  You mean it’s not normal to be awake for days at a time and then sleep for 15 hours?  Here it’s 1:33am as I type and I’m not a bit tired, but I did get to sleep for 13 hours last night, I thought that was the problem obviously I was wrong I have some issues!  So right now my PCP is going to treat the symptoms of my fast thyroid and let the specialist actually treat the problems with my thyroid.  That brings us back to the baby making problem.  I’ve been advised by both the PCP and my OB/GYN to avoid pregnancy until the issue is resolved with my thyroid.  My question was what does one have to do with the other?  I guess my thyroid is causing me to not ovulate (although I still get a monthly bill, this is just my body going with the flow /no pun intended) which is problem #1; and problem #2 is that my heart is at risk for injury due to the increase in speed caused by thyroid hormone production.  The problem with getting pregnant while going through the process of killing my thyroid is the possibility of damage to the fetus, good enough reason for me to avoid pregnancy.  My concern is how long will this take?  I’m requesting they just remove my thyroid, the doctor suggests radiation therapy to kill my thyroid: who’s suggestion is correct? I’m a big fan of the old if it don’t work get rid of it method, but I think that any doctor would suggest otherwise.  Does anyone out there have any experience with this….can you offer any advice? I don’t know where this leaves me/us, but I hope this gets taken care of sooner rather than later.

MISC RAMBLING: I’m so glad we had a great weekend together as a family, it kept my mind busy with other things.  That is until now, that while the world sleeps I am wide awake!  Awake and able to think and type about last weeks appointment, to go through the conversation again, the parts I remember at least, and figure out what my next step needs to be.  Wishing my problem away didn’t help, so now I must follow the doctors orders!  No more baby-making in this house, at least for awhile.  I guess the upside is that I can get more homework done….one of these years I intend to finish my bach degree!  God knows, maybe I’ll have my PhD by the time this is all said and done, I sure the hell hope not!

Venting……I just had to do it!!!

Okay so like the rest of you I’m hooked on xbox4nappyrash and his struggle to conceive a baby.  Apparently this is pretty common, at least in our house it is!  In case most of you forgot, or didn’t pay attention, we started “not trying” back in September 07.  Well here it is, May 08 and still nothing.  I got a little excited (I know I shouldn’t have) but when the old friend was 12 days late I let myself do it.  And look what happened, she arrived on Friday!!!  I hate it, and keep wishing it gone.

So here’s the deal, I went to the doctor last Tuesday to see what the hell was going or not going on. My doctor (love him!) was keeping his fingers crossed that a blood test would come back positive even  though two hpt’s were both negative.  So the news comes on Friday morning with the friend and no kidding, it’s a negative!  Then some lovely news to go with, my thyroid is jacked up!  My T3 and T4 levels are “way out of whack” according to the nurse and a follow up visit is required.  Not only required but mandatory. 

Let me give you the back story on the old thyroid.  After Ace was born, my thyroid swelled and my T3 and T4 levels went crazy, but this is “common” I’m told, after childbirth.  It’s called plain and simple, inflammation of the thyroid gland.  This is caused by my own immune system basically attacking my thyroid gland.  It is causing my levels to go sky high and then drop, and because of this, I cannot be diagnosed either hypo or hyperthyroid.  So when Ace was about 4 months old I started going to see a really great endocrinologist, one of the best in Columbus.  Here’s how that went:

Visit #1: Draw some blood, feel my throat, tell me things don’t appear to be that bad. (Leaving me with the hope that my PCP is just checking all the bases; my initial complaint was for dizziness and lightheadedness.) Follow up phone call: Ms H, your levels are not right, you must go see this specialist.

Visit #2: Draw some blood, go to the hospital for a scan.  The scan consisted of taking radioactive iodine laying on this bed and taking pictures of my thyroid to check for any abnormal growth.  Follow up phone call: Ms H, your levels are different than last time, but in the opposite direction, oh yeah and your thyroid is very enlarged, does this effect your swallow pattern? (Well now that you mention it, yes it does!)  You see, the average size of a thyroid gland is about as big as a guitar pick, mine on the other hand covers the entire front of my throat from left to right and top to bottom, this is problematic.

Visit #3: Draw some blood, go to the specialist again for an ultrasound of my thyroid gland to check for goiters and tumors.  Follow up phone call: Ms H, no goiters or tumors were found, just a very large gland, but we’ll continue to do blood work to figure out the next step.

Visit#4: Draw blood

Visit #5: Draw blood

Visit #6: Draw blood

Okay so all this happened over a period of 9 weeks, and what were the results, nothing, every-time they check my levels they are different and no where close to creating a pattern.  So the endocrinologist suggests drawing blood every 3 weeks indefinitely until they can decided what to do.  What momma suggested was to stop going to the doctor.  So this puts us at the end of September.  What does this have to do with getting pregnant?  Obviously everything!  My crazy thyroid is causing me to have very irregular cycles and from the home ovulation kits I’ve used, (2 months worth) it’s keeping me from ovulating.  No egg, no baby.  What now!  Well I have another doctor appointment on Monday, during which I will suggest just removing my gland (we’ll see how that goes over) and then I suppose I just sit and wait, what choice do I have!

It’s Official, We’re “Trying” To Conceive

“Trying” is in quotes because I don’t believe in “Trying” to conceive. I believe in doing two things…lack of prevention, and practice makes perfect.

I see so many people that get stressed out, depressed, and plumb crazy because they can’t get pregnant. I’ve seen relationships on the verge of destruction from having no luck. And that’s what it is…”Luck”.

Seriously, there are hundreds of things you can do to predict the perfect time to do the deed. You can monitor body temperature, read mucus patterns (yuck), rely on some electronic device to tell you the optimum time, and calculate the exact second the egg should be passing down the fallopian tube based off of the first day of her last period.

In all reality it is like throwing 1 billion darts all at once towards a target that is 100 yards away. Many of the darts hit each other and fall to the ground. Many of the darts get blocked by trees and other obstacles. Many of the darts are not straight and don’t fly well so they just flop a few feet in front of you. A few of the darts hit the target, but not the bulls-eye.

What if the wind changes direction? What if the target is moving? What if there is not even a target there this month? How do you calculate and adjust for these variables that you can not see or predict?

Geez! I thought that making the baby was supposed to be the fun part! 🙂 This sounds more like a crazy science experiment to me!

Here is the method that we used last time. It is simple, and it worked…

  • Stop using birth control
  • Have sex
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Uh oh, Aunt Flow is visiting
  • Have sex
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • etc., etc…
  • Uh oh, did Aunt Flow go on vacation and no one told us?
  • Take home pregnancy test, negative
  • Oh ok, Aunt Flow was just late…no biggie.
  • Have sex
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • etc., etc…

Repeat this process until Aunt Flow doesn’t visit and the home pregnancy test comes back positive.

Not once did we stress, make a single calculation, or pay any attention to any kind of mucus…(I get the heeby jeebies just thinking about it). 😉

However, it did take us a while. If I remember right it was eight or nine months. We lived our lives just like any other day.

  • Woke up
  • Went to work
  • Came home
  • Had dinner
  • Went to sleep

…and did it all again the next day. Of course many of those days had a random “Got Busy” in the list, but it wasn’t predictable. It wasn’t a job… It wasn’t a scheduled thing… It was fun and enjoyable!

I plan on doing the exact same thing this time. Once Aunt Flow leaves we will be back to throwing darts! Eventually a dart has to hit the bullseye. Right?

Target Practice

We were on the way home from Grandma’s house and Momma pulled into the grocery parking lot.

I asked “Why are we going to the grocery at 10 o’clock at night?” Momma said, “I need you to buy me something.” I asked, “Let me guess…tampons?”

Usually when she asks me to buy her something and doesn’t specify what it is…she needs tampons, but not this time.

“Nope.” she says.

I knew there was only one other thing that it could be. I said, “Pregnancy test?” in a soft, yet surprised voice. She nods her head, “Yes.”

So there I go walking to the pregnancy test/condom section of the neighborhood grocery store. I grab the first pink box that catches my eye and proceed to checkout.

Once home, Momma does her thing with the stick and the pee, and three minutes later….one line…negative.

Now it is not official yet, but we have been playing with the idea of trying to get pregnant again. We’ve been enjoying the practice. If we were shooting bows and arrows we would have been pulling back the string and just before letting go…purposely shooting the arrow into the sky…if ya know what I mean. 🙂 A few times we slipped and didn’t aim quite high enough though. So “the scare”…was warranted. 😉

We’ll see. Maybe in the near future I will have an official announcement about trying to conceive.

Hostinger