Speech Therapy?

I cannot believe it.  Ace will be 3 years old in 6 days!

At three years old there is the three year check up with the doctor…

Ace has always been small for his age, 4th to 5th percentile for his weight, but it looks like he is making some progress!  He was in the 25th percentile this time!

Ace  has entered the “parrot stage” and that leads to some interesting moments in our household.  :D   Special thanks goes out to his uncle Mike and Jason for teaching him to chant “Whitey Tighteys!  Whitey Tighteys!”…or more recently….”JEEEEESSSSSUUUSSSSSSS!!!!”

Ace is a jibber-jabberrer.  Constantly talking about who knows what.  It is mostly repeating what he hears on his cartoons, or his more recent past time…his Sesame Street game on the “COMPUUUUUTER”.

Ace is smart.  I would have to say quite a bit smarter than the average soon to be 3 year old…but he gets that honest.  :D   Just kidding…

No really… he knows all of his letters, upper and lower case…all of his numbers up to 20…the names of almost any animal that can be found in one of his books…the sounds that all of these animals make…and just about every inanimate object in our house…including the refrigerator, dishwasher, washing machine, dryer…you name it, he can tell you what it is.  The names of all the characters in the cartoons he watches…hell, he can even sing along with many of the songs on the radio..!

He knows how things work, and if he doesn’t he will play with them until he does. Ever see a kid roll his cars over to check that the wheels spin freely before playing with it?  Well, then you have never seen Ace.  :D

Ever seen a soon to be three year old hop up to the laptop, close all of the open programs, save your work if you left it open, then open a game for him to play?  Well, then you have never seen Ace.  :D

But there is one thing that concerns his doctor (and me and Momma too a little bit).  He has never asked for anything.  Ever! If he is thirsty, he might bring you his empty cup, but he has never verbally asked.

If he is tired, he may grab your hand and pull you upstairs to his bedroom.  But not once has he said “Bedtime!”

If I point to a picture of  Momma and I, he will call us Momma and Daddy.  If I say, “Go get your Momma!”, he will run to her.  But, he never says “Mommy come here.” or “Daddy, I’m hungry”

He is very self sufficient.  If he wants something, and can do it himself…he does.  If he can’t do it himself…he finds  some way to communicate to us what he wants.

I guess that asking for things is a very important step in the learning process. And somehow Ace is behind in that aspect according to all of the “experts”.

So, we get to go see a speech therapist for a consult just to make sure that Ace is on track.

Which, I guess is a good thing.  If he does need help learning in some areas, it would definitely be better to know now, rather than when he starts Kindergarten in a few years.

Have you ever had to take your children to a speech therapist?  What do they do there?  What can we expect?  Please share your stories in the comments!

Like A Tank

Back in October 2007 I bought a new truck…a 2004 Dodge Ram 1500 4×4. 

It was big and roomy.  It could haul the whole family and a load of firewood at the same time.  It was as good on the highway as it was in the mud.  It could gently pull in the driveway to keep from waking Ace, or it could let ‘er rip and pull a stump out of Grandpa’s yard.

Most importantly, it was safe.  One of the main reasons we decided on this truck was to protect Ace in the case of an accident.  I’m not the only dad that thinks this way either.  Check out BusyDad’s Dada Truck.

Unfortunately I was involved in an accident not too long ago (Thank goodness Ace was not riding with me).  I am not going to go into details about how it happened, because everything is not settled yet, but I will say that there was an accident.  There was damage to the front end of the other car, which happened to be a Honda Civic,  and the rear end of my truck.

I did not get a picture of the other vehicle, but I found a picture online that looks very similar to the Civic that I was involved in an accident with.

Wrecked Honda Civic

WOW!  Right?  The damage was extensive!  I would guess that it was totalled.

So what did the Dodge look like?

Dodge Ram Rear End Damage

That is an actual picture of my truck.  Would you guess that it was in the same accident as the Civic?  Me neither.

While I am sad that my truck was damaged in this accident, I am happy that it performed so well. 

People laugh at me all the time about how much gas I go through, about how big my truck is, about how uncomfortable it must be to drive it long distances…but it’s all worth it to me.  I walked away unscathed.   Anyone else who could have been inside would have too.  What else can you ask for?

The Village

It’s been pretty hot here lately.  Somewhere around 90 degrees every day…and 98 degrees in our house!

Yup, our air conditioner took a big ole crap!  Why do these things break when they are needed the most?

And on top of that Ace came down with strep throat.  When he’s feeling good…he is lying around.  When he is feeling bad, he needs to be held.

I can barely stand the heat just sitting here by myself, let alone holding a 100 degree, crying, 25 lb boy!

So, we’ve been staying at Grandma’s house (which has AC) until the parts for our AC unit come in and I have time to install them.  :D

It really does take a village sometimes… :D

Now Ya See Me, Now Ya See Me With Only One Eye

Ace is rough.  He does not play nice…sometimes.  He does not think twice about smacking the shit out of you, or kicking you in the nads when you are holding him, or pulling your hair (if you have any), or….poking your eye out!

You heard me right…poking your eye out!

Momma and Ace were playing on the floor and Momma took a fingernail to the eyeball.  She said it hurt like hell, but we both kinda hoped that it would be better in the morning.

Actually it got worse.  I came home from work at lunch to find Momma with an eye that was nearly swollen shut and bloodshot like she had been in one hell of a bar fight the night before.

I drove her and the eye poking two year old to the eye doctor where Momma was given some eye drops and told to keep her eyes closed as much as possible.

She spent the rest of the day resting lying on the couch with gauze taped to her orbit.

But while it is easy to get upset with Ace when he gets rough like this, you just can’t stay that way very long.

I mean, how can you feel anything negative at a face like this?

Cute Face

A Weekend Of Backflips

Today we were at the ballpark watching one of our friends daughters play softball.  Ace and I went to the playground.  :D

Of course, Ace is not quite big enough for the playground.  He can’t climb up to get on the slide, and he is not tall enough to jump on the swing set.  So, Daddy gets to play too.

Ace was swinging…Dad was pushing…Ace’s hands keep getting lower and lower on the chain.  He was eventually holding on to just the rings on the swing’s seat and not actually the chain.

He was getting wobbly and I was afraid we would end up in the emergency room.  So, I stopped the swing…raised his hands back up on the chain…made sure he had a good grip…and gave a slight push.

What’s Ace do?  He lets go!

It couldn’t be at the lowest point of the swinging arc.  No no no!  It had to be at the very tippity top.  Right where the swing stops moving forward and start coming back down.

So what happens?  Gravity.  That’s what happened!

Ace fell a few feet and landed on his back in the gravel under the swing set.  Of course I’m the only Dad at the playground, so all I heard were a bunch of Moms gasping for air…like that was going to stop him from hitting the ground so hard.  :D

It knocked the wind outta the little guy, but we walked back over to where Momma was and a sucker made everything hunky dory!  :D

And if you thought that was bad…

We were in the backyard playing.  Actually, I was working and Ace was playing.  I see Ace climb up the ladder on the swingset to go down the slide. He has only mastered this feat in the past few weeks and is extremely proud of himself for being able to slide by himself.

When I see him get to the top I usually give him a big smile and a “Yey!”  Positive reinforcement, right?

So I give him a big smile.  He smiles back.

Then I see is his eyes get big…

I see him falling backwards… (of course all of this is in slow motion) :D

His feet are above his head…

He’s coming full circle…a full backflip…

Only about a foot from the ground now…

…and SMACK!  His face hits the ladder.

My eyes shut as I see his face bounce off of the piece of steel.

I open my eyes, try to remain calm, and briskly walk his way…

I can hear Ace crying…

Damn this is a long 20 foot walk…

Screw being calm…I’m running…

I find Ace lying face first in the grass…

I pictured black eyes, blood, a broken nose, and a trip to the ER.

I picked him up…roled him over…his face looked OK (for a screaming, slobbering 2 year old)…his arms appeared to be attached and in one piece…by God we may have come out of this one unscathed…but we go inside for a Momma inspection just in case.  :D

Luckily all he had was a nice sized Goose Egg right between the eyes!  No trip to the ER, no black eyes the next day, no blood, no broken bones…just a bit of swelling, a bit of crying, and a Dad whom you would have thought just saw his kid fall off of the Empire State Building .  :D

And people wonder where the gray in my beard comes from…  :D

Honoring The Life of Payton Marie Robinson

Payton Robinson

We never met Payton or her family, but we have a family member that had. To know that Payton has touched so many lives during her short time here is heart warming.

My mother called me Monday evening, and as soon as I heard her voice I knew something was not quite right. She told me that her manager had not been to work that day, there had been a family emergency.

I was afraid to ask what happened, and then she told me that her manager’s grand-daughter had died that morning. Shock was the only way to describe how I felt, and some disbelief too. I didn’t even notice that I had begun to cry when I asked what happened, not that it mattered what happened…this precious child was gone.

Payton Marie Robinson was just 9 weeks old when she passed away unexpectedly, leaving behind her parents and two-year old brother Tyson. When something so tragic happens to someone you know, it makes you hold tight to the ones you have in your life and remember God is really in charge of everything and He has a plan. We may not understand that plan and truth be told we may never, but we must hold fast to our faith for it will see us through.

To honor the life and memory of this sweet child, we are making a donation in her name to www.firstcandle.org and we encourage others to do the same; if not to this organization than to one helping to fund the research and prevention of SIDS. Remember this family in your prayers as we do, for this child may have gone on to be with her Heavenly Father but she will never be forgotten.

This is her obituary:

Payton Marie Robinson, born February 16, 2009, departed this world April 20, 2009. We belong to God and not the Earth. He just lets the Earth borrow us for a little while to do God’s work. God sent Payton Marie “Pay Pay” here to bring love and happiness if only for a short nine weeks. We all were blessed with her presence and are happy to know that she is with her Heavenly Father and among many family and friends that have gone on before us. Preceded in death by paternal great-grandparents Ruthie West, Arthur and Dorothy Robinson, maternal great- grandparents Cyrus and Ocee Simmons and Merchant and Josie Singleton. Survived by parents, Lawrence and Jacinta Robinson; brother, Tyson James Robinson; paternal great-grandfather, James West; paternal grandmother, Eugenia Robinson; paternal grandfather, Ronald Robinson; maternal grandparents, Eric and Charlene Simmons; aunts, Patrice Robinson and Rhonda McKinney; uncle, Joshua Simmons; a host of aunts, uncles, cousins, and many loving family friends. Memorial Celebration of Life 3:30 p.m. Saturday, April 25, 2009 at St. Paul A.M.E. Church, 639 E. Long Street, where the family will receive friends from 2:30 p.m. until the start of service. Attendees are asked to wear bright colors. In lieu of flowers, please consider a contribution to the St. Paul A.M.E. Allen Christian Endeavor Youth Ministry. Arrangements entrusted to DIEHL-WHITTAKER FUNERAL SERVICE, 720 E. Long Street.

Jacinta Simmons-Robinson and her mother have been featured in a previous post regarding their online business geared towards formal wear for young boys and infants. Take a moment to check out their site: www.tysonscloset.com

A Sink, A Crib, And (Thank God) A TV With Nickelodeon

I mentioned recently that Ace would have to go in for surgery.

He had an umbilical hernia.  Basically the opening in his belly where his umbilical cord went into his body had never closed.  When he would strain, even just a little bit, his belly button would pop out.  Actually it was his insides (intestines) pushing out through his belly button.

While not an immediate threat, there would always be the possibility that some of his intestines would pop out this umbilical hernia and get stuck, cutting off blood supply, and causing some major issues.

The docors told us it was not a necessary thing to fix, but was a good idea to have done…and we agreed.

The night before surgery Ace was not allowed to have anything to eat after midnight.  He could drink water and apple juice until 6:30 in the morning.  I was not worried about the no food after midnight deal, but was concerned about how Ace would do with nothing to drink after 6:30.  A glass of juice or milk has been a morning ritual since he was born…

Ace is like his Momma…a night owl…stays up late and gets up late.   Ace usually doesn’t go to bed until 11PM or after, and gets up around 9 or 10 in the morning.  However the morning of his surgery was an exception…

I got Ace (and Momma) up at 6AM so that he could have a drink before his 6:30 no drink deadline…but, he didn’t drink a drop.  We made our way to the Children’s Hospital by 8:20.

During registration they put the hospital bracelets on Momma and I’s arms, and Ace’s leg.  You would have thought the world had come to an end.  Ace did not like the bracelets on us, and he sure as hell did not like the ankle bracelet on him.  I just knew from his reaction it was going to be a fun filled day ahead…  :D

Off to a hospital room where they had a crib that reminded me more of a cage.  I immediately pictured Ace sitting in the crib ringing his sippy cup across the bars as prisoners do in jail… :D

The nurse came in attempting to get a set of vital signs.  Blood pressure cuffs and oxygen/pulse monitors are Ace’s mortal enemies.  For being only 25 lbs the little guy put up one hell of a fight…and won.  Eventually the nurse gave up.  She never did get a reading.  :D

Then comes the nurse practitioner, anesthesiologist, and the surgeon to introduce themselves and take a look at Ace.

After two hours of trying to keep Ace occupied in a room with only a sink, a crib, and (thank God) a TV with Nickelodeon, they came to take Ace away to surgery.

I figured this would be the hard part.  Seeing him get wheeled away down a hallway crying and reaching out for us saying (if he could talk), “Please do not let them take me!”  But Ace took it well.  He hopped in the crib and the nurse took off, rolling the crib down the hall.  It was like a new ride for Ace, I think.  And we all know how much Ace likes to go for rides…  :D

About an hour passed and the surgeon came out and told us everything went great and he will have a perfect little innie belly button after it had healed. Ace was in recovery and we would be able to see him soon.

Fifteen minutes later they asked us to go back to his room.  On the way down the hall the nurse warned us…”Ace is a little upset and we are hoping that you two could get him calmed down!”  I could hear Ace screaming before we ever got to his room, and when we walked in his room I was shocked at what I saw…

There was a nurse holding Ace doing her damnedest to get him calmed down, but it wasn’t working.  One look at Ace  and we knew that this was probably the most upset he had ever been…ever.  He had tears rolling every which way which literally soaked the neck of his shirt.

The color of his skin was down right shocking!  He was soooo red that if he had been smiling I might had confused him with the Kool-Aid man.

After Momma and I took turns rocking him (and a shot of morphine…for him not us) Ace finally calmed down.  I don’t know if he was hurting, scared, or pissed off…but I’m guessing it was a little of all three.

I don’t know why a little guy like him who has never done anything wrong to anyone and brought sheer joy to so many people in his life, would ever have to endure something like that.  I think I would rather have my insides ripped out and stomped on before seeing him like that again.

After his heart rate came down they let us take him to a more comfortable room, where Ace slept on my lap.  The new nurse was a little concerned with his color.  We over heard her talking on the phone and she described his color as that of a tomato, and she was right on the money.

We stripped Ace down to his diaper, and let him cool off.  All of the fighting and crying really got his temperature up, and between that and the anesthesia the redness was pretty shocking to all.

Eventually his temperature came down, his heart rate stabilized, and his color was better, so they let us go home where Ace slept the majority of the rest of the day and night. (I think the Tylenol 3 with Codine had something to do with that).  :D

Well, it has been two days since his surgery now and Ace is acting much better.  I will give another update later this week….maybe with some pictures of his new belly button.  :D

Stay tuned…

It’s that time of year again….March for Babies!

Hello everyone…it’s been quite a while since my last post…although I have been following several secretly, so I thought I would mention it’s that time of year again!

March of Dimes is having their annual March for Babies (formerly WalkAmerica) and I have decided to participate again this year! Last year several readers/stalkers were responsible for helping me reach my goal so this year I have doubled what I did last year! My hope is this year to earn $250 for March of Dimes and to pray that one day all babies will be born healthy!

If you are able and willing to help please donate via the following link, and if you can’t due to your personal economic crisis I understand just pray for nice weather that day! You never know about an April in Ohio!!!

Going Under The Knife

Not me, not Momma, but Ace.  You heard me right…my little boy will be going in for surgery in a few weeks.

Now calm down, it is nothing life threatening, but it is still scary for me.  Just the though of him being given some anesthetic and being knocked out with hoses and stuff shoved down his throat make my stomach feel funny.

The thought of some doctor, cutting him open with a scalpel sends shivers down my spine.  I can just picture him lying there on a table, with all of the wires from the monitors, the beeping from the heart monitor,  and him just lying there lifeless.  The little boy that is never lifeless…even when he sleeps. :D

Again, calm down…I am probably over reacting…

Ace has an umbilical hernia…AKA an outie.  :D   Basically the hole in his belly where his umbilical cord was…never closed, and his insides push out when he strains.

A good picture of it is from a post I wrote last summer where Ace was playing in the waves…

Big Waves

Big Waves

Ace’s doctor said it should have healed by the time he was 18 months.  He is almost two now and it is not getting better, so we were thrust upon making a decision…surgery, or leaving it alone.  We chose surgery.  One reason is cosmetic, and the other is to prevent any complications with it in the future.

Now, it is only going to be a small incision with 10 internal stitches, but it still concerns me.  But hopefully it will be all worth it and everyone will come out healthy with only some slight bruising  …including me and Momma.  :D

(Non) Sleep Study

I went last night and did the sleep study that my doc recommended, but I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep.  :D   Maybe it had something to do with the 30 wires, sensors, and probes that joined me for my slumber…

Sleep Study Plug-N-Play

Sleep Study Plug-N-Play

 It took about a half an hour to get connected, then I could do whatever I wanted and go to sleep whenever I wanted.  So, I got out my laptop like any good blogger would do and realized there was not an outlet to plug into and also no available wireless connection.  Shucks!

So, I got out my web cam and took these photographs before my battery ran out of juice. (Check out my fancy $15 PJs that will never get worn again.)

All Connected For My Sleep Study

All Connected For My Sleep Study

All Connected For My Sleep Study (Side View)

All Connected For My Sleep Study (Side View)

My other alternative was watch TV with the other lab rats, read a Readers Digest from 1997, or go to sleep.  I opted for a little shut eye.  :D

This room was dark…haunted house dark!  Where was the TV and the glow from the street lights that I have grown accustomed to?  The only light was from an Infrared Flood light above the door.  It was a very faint red glow that I could barely see, but would allow the sleep technicians to watch my every move using an infrared camera.  Ever wake up feeling like someone is watching you sleep?  Try waking up knowing someone is watching you sleep.  :D

What bad habits do I have at night when I am sleeping?  What do I scratch?  What bodily functions do I lose control of? (They did have a microphone in the room too. )

Maybe all of these thoughts running through my head, plus the wires, plus the fact that I could not get comfortable, plus the fact that I can not remember the last time I had worn more than my underwear to bed…is why I did not sleep well.

So, morning came after what seemed like 12 hours of lying in a dark room.  The technician said that I might have a mild to moderate sleep breathing disorder (I guess I actually did sleep some)…but the doctor will make that call and let me know next week.

Until then I am going to sleep in my own bed, with no wires/sensors/probes, with the TV on, scratching whatever I want whenever I want, and doing it all stark naked if I feel like it.  :D

The Bionic Sleeper

You might remember my recent hospital stay where they detected that my heart had gone into atrial fibrillation.  It has been happening to me since I was in high school.  I had learned how to make the abnormal heart beat convert back to a normal sinus rhythm by holding my breath…and so I lived with it.   Yup, real fun stuff.  :D

My new heart doc has me taking some medicine that helps control it.  And so far it is working.  I’ve had a few freak episodes, but they only lasted about 2 seconds…nothing like the 10 hours of 190 beats per minute while I was in the hospital.  :D

I’ve been doing good.  I have not had a drop of caffeine…and I have not gone back into a-fib for more than 3 or 4 seconds.  Those couple times were really my fault.  I had been working outside all day cutting wood.  I had not ate or drank much of anything.  Dehydration and lack of potassium are just of the couple of things that can trigger a-fib.  Whoops…my bad.  :D

The next step of my treatment is a sleep study…this Sunday…yep Superbowl Sunday.  I get to sleep at the doctors office with about 3 million wires and sensors attached from head to toe while some really lucky nurses get to watch me toss and turn over a camera, and listen to me saw logs over a microphone.

Based upon the results, I may have to sleep like this from now on…

cpap

Looks comfy right?  Well, maybe I will actually feel rested in the morning.  I can look like the bionic sleeper if it makes me feel like the bionic man the next day.  :D

Do any of you that read DadThing use CPAP machines?  If so let me know what you think about them in the comments.

A Scary First…

DadThing has been filled with stories about Ace’s firsts.  From his first step to his first night with no bottle.

However, something happened this weekend that was a first for me.  It was not nearly as happy a time as when Ace rolled over for the first time.  I spent my first ever night in the hospital.

I have had a problem with my heart since I was in junior high school, but no doctor could ever tell me what it was.  I have had multiple EKGs, Echoes, stress tests, you name it…and they all come back normal.  I swear the doctors thought I was making stuff up.

Ya see, sometimes, especially when I exert myself, my heart goes crazy.  It beats really hard and with no real rythym.   Sometimes I feel like I’m going to pass out and I almost always have to sit down until my heart calms down a bit.  Usually I can get it to stop within 10 minutes or so with some techniques I have discovered over the years, but not Saturday night.  After about 3 hours I drove myself to the emergency room.

I did not feel bad.  There was no pain, I did not feel faint or anything.  I just knew that something was not right.   I walked up to the ER receptionist and told her that I would like to be seen for a rapid and irregular heart beat.  She took my name and social security number and I immediately went back for an EKG.

The nurse doing the EKG seemed very urgent and I immediately went into triage to have my vitals checked.  My blood pressure was high and my heart rate was 180 beats per minute.  A normal heart rate is around 70 beats per minute.  Yikes!  The triage nurse, said “Wait right here.  You are next to be seen.”

I did not pass GO, did not collect $200, and went directly to an ER bed where I was immediately stuck with an IV, had X-Rays, and then lied there for a few hours hoping the medicine would make my heart beat normally.  The urgency of everyone in the ER was kind of frightening. 

This has been happening to me for over 15 years now and I had become used to living with it, but I guess it really was something serious…atrial fibrillation.

About 6 hours later I was admitted to the hospital.  After another 4 hours of lying in the hospital bed hooked to heart monitors a nurse rushed in my room as she yelled into her phone, “I need an EKG STAT!!”  I thought that something bad had happened.  I thought my heart had really gone crazy and I was in trouble…

However, she then looked at me and smiled.  “You converted!!”  My heart beat had converted back to a normal sinus rhythm.  This was a good thing because if the medicine did not convert me, they would have had to shock my heart with the paddles….while I was awake and alert. 

I had to stay in the hospital for another day in observation to make sure that my heart did not go back into atrial fibrillation again, and to also make sure I did not have a stroke (a side effect of being in atrial fibrillation for an extended period of time).

Momma brought Ace in to visit me and I will never forget the look on his face when he saw my lying there in that hospital bed.  He was confused and scared at the same time.  After he realized that I was OK, he did grab my finger and we took a few laps around the observation unit.  Ace pulling me, and me pulling an IV.  The little old ladies and the nurses got a kick out of him taking Daddy for a walk.  :D

So now I am back home, with no restrictions, and a little different out look on life.  I have cut caffeine out of my diet.  Once I have that under control, smoking is next.

I can’t live like there is no tomorrow anymore.  There are a few people in this world that count on me being there…and I’m going to do my part to make sure that happens. :D

Today’s the day…..

It’s Wednesday, and here I sit; when I should be sleeping. 

I go to the doctor today to make sure that everything passed like it was supposed to.  And God, I really hope it did….I don’t want anything else to have to take place.  As if this whole thing isn’t bad enough, I might have to endure more and I don’t think that I can.

My friends must think I’m awful or a basketcase or just plain crazy at this point.  I have avoided everyone that I can for the last week, actually longer, but I think now I’m going to have to face them.  I’m sure everyone will want to tell me that everything will be okay, that this is for the best; but honestly I don’t want to hear it.  Not anymore!  I’m ready for this to be over, O-V-E-R, to just be a memory.  A really crappy memory!  I’ve grieved, believe me I’ve grieved over this, but now I honestly think that I’m beginning to heal.  That God really is taking this pain away.  It’s been 10 days, is this even possible?  I would like to think so.  Some people think I’m pretending to be fine when the truth of the matter is, I’m all cried out.  My tears have run dry….that whole in my heart; Ace is filling it up with so much love that I don’t notice it as much today as I did yesterday.  Today I walked right by the baby clothes at WalMart and didn’t stop to wonder if I would need pink or blue this time.  Just a slight trick of my mind maybe, but I would like to think that I’m done.  I’m done feeling hurt and miserable and sad and sick and all that mess that comes with it.  I’m ready to think of what next month might bring, or the month after that.  I’m ready to get back to living my life instead of just watching it happen from the sidelines.

I miss laughing for no reason at all, and sleeping late without my family thinking I’m alone in the bedroom crying my eyes out, and I miss exercising (which I haven’t really done and used to do everyday and I hate more than anything), and I miss talking on the phone without wondering if this will come up, and I miss my friends and family just being normal.  So please, stop asking if I’m okay when you don’t believe my response anyway, and stop tip-toeing around the subject of babies (of which I know 9 people due to have their own in the next few weeks to months), and stop treating me like I might fall to pieces any second.  I’m okay, not totally healed but I’m getting there and the sooner everyone gets back to life as usual the easier it will be!

I don’t want to sound ungrateful, I really appreciate the support and love and prayers from everyone; honestly I think that is what has helped.  That this ordeal was not a secret that I had to go through on my own, that I did have so much support to lean on when I was at my lowest, that is what has helped me heal the most.  So let me heal…..and believe me when I say that I am getting there….and that I am okay.

I know I’m not the first woman in history to go through this, but if I could be the last that would be fine by me.  I wouldn’t wish this kind of hurt on anyone, not even my worst enemy.  So to those who have suffered through this, I wish you to be healed and let God’s love surround you and make you whole again; that’s what I’m trying to do.

Thank you Jared for being there and dealing with my crazy mood swings and irrational behavior at times, and for letting me scream when I needed to, and for listening without speaking, and loving me through this all.  You really are the best friend I have ever had, and I’m lucky to have you in my life!  I love you more than words….you have my heart until the end of time!

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

It’s over…..

It’s over, just like that.

Seven weeks ago it was here, last week it was here, even yesterday it was here; today it’s gone.  My heart is broken, I am broken…..

It’s so incredibly heart-breaking…to know how long we waited and to have it just taken back…I don’t get it.  This hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt in my entire life, so much pain, so many tears.  After eleven months I thought we finally succeeded, we got it right only to have it taken away so abruptly that my head is spinning.  I don’t know how to explain it, I don’t know how to understand it, I don’t know how to deal with it.

I keep telling myself what the doctor told me, there was nothing I could do, there was nothing I did wrong, it just happens sometimes.  He actually said this is for the best in the long run, that most likely there were serious problems or complications and one day I’ll understand that.  This does not mean it will never happen again, but it also doesn’t mean that it will either.

I spent the entire week praying that God would let me have this baby….that he would let me be happy, that everything would work out. I suppose I should have been preparing myself for the truth, for this to be the outcome, but I wanted to have faith. I wanted to believe that my faith wouldn’t let this happen to me, that it would be okay. That it could be okay, that I would be okay. My heart hurts so much, so much more than I can put into words. 

How can I miss someone I never knew…..how did I already love someone I’d never met?  This was a part of me and Jared,  and one day; some day; I will get to meet this person.  I can only hope that my Uncle Miles is holding this precious angel who never got to be, in his arms and loving them they way I would have.  I loved that baby, because to me it was already a baby; not an embryo or a fetus, but a baby.  A tiny person who we wanted to be….but never got that chance.  I know that God has reasons for everything, reasons we may not ever be able to understand.  I guess He just wasn’t ready to let go of this angel, that He wanted this one for Himself. But why my angel, why this one? Why take the one I have wanted for so long, only to leave me here with all these questions and emotions to try and sort through. I’m so thankful that I have Ace, I know he will help me get through, he will give me strength to just keep going. To look at him and see God’s love will help me more than anything. I know He gave me one, and I know someday He will give me another. 

I know in time I will heal, that this will one day just be a really bad memory. But today, I just want to hurt and cry and be angry and be confused, and be angry with God mostly.  Today I am heart-broken.  Today, I need to just cry and be sad, and wish for what could have been.

Tomorrow I will look at my little boy, and thank God for him!  Tomorrow I will hold Ace so tight that he will never question if his momma loves him.  Tomorrow I will give Ace so many kisses that he will beg his momma to stop….tomorrow I will just look at him and know that God is love.

Tomorrow I will pray for God to take my pain away.  Tomorrow I will begin to heal.

If God never gives us more than we can handle, I need God to know that I have all I can handle; please no more.

Here’s the whole situation and what happened, for those who would like to know:

I found out today for sure. Monday I woke up with some spotting which turned into bleeding and spent the night in the e.r., they diagnosed me with a threatened miscarriage and sent me home to follow up with my regular doctor. Then on Tuesday my doctor did some blood work to compare my numbers to last Friday, everything should have at least doubled but in fact they went down. The baby was not developing anymore and he diagnosed me with an inevitable miscarriage. While at the doctors office I had to give a urine sample, and actually passed the fetal tissue in the office (I had to show it to them and they told me what it was). They will be doing an ultrasound on Wednesday to make sure everything passes so that I don’t get an infection.

Thank you everyone for your prayers, support and kind words; those both spoken and silent.

Things I need to get out of my head!!! (Update)

Friends, some days I wonder what they are good for!  Other days I know for sure, but Friday when I needed someone to cry to, a “good” friend of mine didn’t have the time to listen.  I’m always aware of how people are feeling, this is a personality trait I suppose, but I thought maybe hearing the tears in my voice or just my words would be indication enough that I needed to talk.  Maybe she didn’t know what to say, in which case just listening would have been fine; or maybe she is not used to hearing me cry, this could be the truth.  I can’t remember the last time I had a good cry; you know the one where your nose is running and it’s hard to catch your breathe (not that this was the way I was crying) but I’m not a crier so this is new to me.  But I needed her and she wasn’t there for me and at that exact moment (well after I hung up the phone) I decided that I wouldn’t be there for her either.  I didn’t answer my phones this weekend when she called (about 9 times total) and I deleted her voicemail messages without even listening……irrational behavior on my behalf?  Maybe, but if she would have listened to me on Friday she would understand!

So back to Friday:  I finally went to the doctor on Thursday, being a good listener, I was there to follow up from a previous visit about a week before.  My thyroid (and the waterworks start) is causing some major issues!  I have elevated blood pressure, heart palpitations, irregular heartbeat, headaches, shortness of breathe, insomnia, forgetfulness, (scatter brained as the doctor stated) shifting moods, raging emotions (of which I can no longer control), and yeah I think that’s about it.  Oh wait no, I am NOT ovulating, I must now go on birth control and have been strongly advised to not become pregnant anytime soon.  I’m apparently loosing my mind  though and that is the primary concern next to the crazy-fast thyroid.  My mood swings and raging emotions, let me tell you, that is hard to handle!  I think I’m going crazy inside my own head, not the hearing voices or anything like that kind of crazy, just the regular kind.    My PCP suggested that I begin Prozac for some depression issues that I’m experiencing.  Further making me feel insane, but it will also help with my insomnia.  You mean it’s not normal to be awake for days at a time and then sleep for 15 hours?  Here it’s 1:33am as I type and I’m not a bit tired, but I did get to sleep for 13 hours last night, I thought that was the problem obviously I was wrong I have some issues!  So right now my PCP is going to treat the symptoms of my fast thyroid and let the specialist actually treat the problems with my thyroid.  That brings us back to the baby making problem.  I’ve been advised by both the PCP and my OB/GYN to avoid pregnancy until the issue is resolved with my thyroid.  My question was what does one have to do with the other?  I guess my thyroid is causing me to not ovulate (although I still get a monthly bill, this is just my body going with the flow /no pun intended) which is problem #1; and problem #2 is that my heart is at risk for injury due to the increase in speed caused by thyroid hormone production.  The problem with getting pregnant while going through the process of killing my thyroid is the possibility of damage to the fetus, good enough reason for me to avoid pregnancy.  My concern is how long will this take?  I’m requesting they just remove my thyroid, the doctor suggests radiation therapy to kill my thyroid: who’s suggestion is correct? I’m a big fan of the old if it don’t work get rid of it method, but I think that any doctor would suggest otherwise.  Does anyone out there have any experience with this….can you offer any advice? I don’t know where this leaves me/us, but I hope this gets taken care of sooner rather than later.

MISC RAMBLING: I’m so glad we had a great weekend together as a family, it kept my mind busy with other things.  That is until now, that while the world sleeps I am wide awake!  Awake and able to think and type about last weeks appointment, to go through the conversation again, the parts I remember at least, and figure out what my next step needs to be.  Wishing my problem away didn’t help, so now I must follow the doctors orders!  No more baby-making in this house, at least for awhile.  I guess the upside is that I can get more homework done….one of these years I intend to finish my bach degree!  God knows, maybe I’ll have my PhD by the time this is all said and done, I sure the hell hope not!

The Doctors Office: Farts, Burps, Ear Wax, and Red Poop

If you know Ace even the slightest little bit, you would know that if you found him sitting still for longer than 0.163 seconds with his eyes open and the TV not on Noggin, that something is seriously wrong!

Well that was the scene when I arrived home from work a few nights ago.  Momma called during the day and said that Ace wasn’t feeling good, but I figured it was like any of the other numerous times he was sick.  Usually he still runs around like the Energizer Bunny with snot running from his nose only stopping when it is time to eat or sleep, or both.

I walked in the door and Ace was lying on the couch by himself.  Just lying there like he was paralyzed from the neck down.  He turned his head to see who walked in the door.  When he saw it was me, there was no smile.  There was no running across the room to greet me.  Nothing!  Just a look of exhaustion… :(

Ear PlugsWhen his normal bed time came around, we tried and tried to get him to go to sleep, but all of our normal tactics were deemed useless.  The sickness was beating all of us! Finally after an hour or so Ace fell asleep on my chest and remained there for most of the rest of the night until Momma put him in his bed in the early morning.

Momma calls me the next day at work and needs me to take Ace to the doctor.  Things aren’t getting better and she has a doctor’s appointment herself on the other side of town.

So I picked up Ace and off to the pediatrician I went.  Even though Ace was feeling like crap he still managed to flirt with the nurses at the doctors office.  He was just lounging there in my arm when the nurse walked up to the reception desk to greet me Ace.

Of course, he perked up, pulled out a big smile, and hypnotized her with his blue eyes.  They “talked” for a few minutes before the older grumpier receptionist asked told me to have seat.

I grabbed a few magazines from the stack and was flipping through the pages to keep Ace entertained, but my reading kept getting interrupted by the little old lady sitting across from me… farting and burping!

She was talking away with her friend and would fart mid-sentence (Phhhhtttt!!!) without even losing her train of thought!  I’m not talking about a little squeaky fart…I’m talking about a day after drinking 12 beers and eating 24 hot wings kinda fart!  I’m not sure if she didn’t know she was farting or she didn’t care, but it sure did echo in that quiet waiting room!  I’m just glad I didn’t catch a whiff or the doctor would have been treating me for nausea for sure! :D

Our name was finally called and we sprinted back and took a seat in room #4 before we passed out from methane inhalation.  The doctor lady performed the normal checks…temperature, heart, lungs.  All look OK until she checks his ears.

I hear her say something like, “Little man you gotta start letting go of that ear wax!”Ear Wax Candle

She grabs the smallest pair of tweezers I have ever seen and goes in to pull it out.  While digging around in his ear she says to Ace, “I bet Daddy is going to be shocked at how much ear wax you have in here.”

Now seriously how shocking could it be?  You ever looked at a 1yr old’s ear hole?  It’s tiny!  I figured a few small globs of ear wax.  Maybe something I would see on a Q-Tip after being pulled from my ear.  My ears are probably 5 times bigger than his so a man sized chunk of ear wax would be considered a lot of ear wax for a little guy, right?

Wrong!  What I saw literally made my jaw drop.  I’m talking about a chunk of ear wax about a 1/2 inch long and a bit smaller round than a pencil!

She takes another peek in his ear…there is more!  She goes digging a few more times and pulls out more ear wax every single time!  All in all if it wouldn’t have broken apart it was probably an inch long. (And I thought Ace had been ignoring me when he wouldn’t respond to me at home…the little guy was probably couldn’t hear a lick)  :lol:

His ailment was diagnosed as an ear infection (jeez, imagine that!) and antibiotics were prescribed.  She says there is nothing we can do to prevent the build up of ear wax.  It just happens in some kids and they will eventually out grow it, or their ear canals will rupture from an excess build up of wax.  (OK,  I made that last part up)

Before leaving the room she warns me… “Oh yeah.  If his poop turns a brick red color there is no need to worry.  It’s just the medicine.”

It’s a good thing she told me that piece of important information!  I’m pretty sure red poop requires an immediate emergency room visit in any other imaginable circumstances. :D   If you know of a situation where it doesn’t please let me know…just incase…you never know…

Photos by: http://flickr.com/photos/nickstarr/ and http://flickr.com/photos/fuse/

Venting……I just had to do it!!!

Okay so like the rest of you I’m hooked on xbox4nappyrash and his struggle to conceive a baby.  Apparently this is pretty common, at least in our house it is!  In case most of you forgot, or didn’t pay attention, we started “not trying” back in September 07.  Well here it is, May 08 and still nothing.  I got a little excited (I know I shouldn’t have) but when the old friend was 12 days late I let myself do it.  And look what happened, she arrived on Friday!!!  I hate it, and keep wishing it gone.

So here’s the deal, I went to the doctor last Tuesday to see what the hell was going or not going on. My doctor (love him!) was keeping his fingers crossed that a blood test would come back positive even  though two hpt’s were both negative.  So the news comes on Friday morning with the friend and no kidding, it’s a negative!  Then some lovely news to go with, my thyroid is jacked up!  My T3 and T4 levels are “way out of whack” according to the nurse and a follow up visit is required.  Not only required but mandatory. 

Let me give you the back story on the old thyroid.  After Ace was born, my thyroid swelled and my T3 and T4 levels went crazy, but this is “common” I’m told, after childbirth.  It’s called plain and simple, inflammation of the thyroid gland.  This is caused by my own immune system basically attacking my thyroid gland.  It is causing my levels to go sky high and then drop, and because of this, I cannot be diagnosed either hypo or hyperthyroid.  So when Ace was about 4 months old I started going to see a really great endocrinologist, one of the best in Columbus.  Here’s how that went:

Visit #1: Draw some blood, feel my throat, tell me things don’t appear to be that bad. (Leaving me with the hope that my PCP is just checking all the bases; my initial complaint was for dizziness and lightheadedness.) Follow up phone call: Ms H, your levels are not right, you must go see this specialist.

Visit #2: Draw some blood, go to the hospital for a scan.  The scan consisted of taking radioactive iodine laying on this bed and taking pictures of my thyroid to check for any abnormal growth.  Follow up phone call: Ms H, your levels are different than last time, but in the opposite direction, oh yeah and your thyroid is very enlarged, does this effect your swallow pattern? (Well now that you mention it, yes it does!)  You see, the average size of a thyroid gland is about as big as a guitar pick, mine on the other hand covers the entire front of my throat from left to right and top to bottom, this is problematic.

Visit #3: Draw some blood, go to the specialist again for an ultrasound of my thyroid gland to check for goiters and tumors.  Follow up phone call: Ms H, no goiters or tumors were found, just a very large gland, but we’ll continue to do blood work to figure out the next step.

Visit#4: Draw blood

Visit #5: Draw blood

Visit #6: Draw blood

Okay so all this happened over a period of 9 weeks, and what were the results, nothing, every-time they check my levels they are different and no where close to creating a pattern.  So the endocrinologist suggests drawing blood every 3 weeks indefinitely until they can decided what to do.  What momma suggested was to stop going to the doctor.  So this puts us at the end of September.  What does this have to do with getting pregnant?  Obviously everything!  My crazy thyroid is causing me to have very irregular cycles and from the home ovulation kits I’ve used, (2 months worth) it’s keeping me from ovulating.  No egg, no baby.  What now!  Well I have another doctor appointment on Monday, during which I will suggest just removing my gland (we’ll see how that goes over) and then I suppose I just sit and wait, what choice do I have!

3D/4D Ultrasound Video

Feel like taking a peek inside the womb?  We did!

When Momma was pregnant with Ace, we had a 3D / 4D Ultrasound performed at 29 weeks along.  I wrote a post about the 3D / 4D Ultrasound back when we had it done, but I only posted a few pictures.

I was looking back some of the old pictures and videos we have of Ace and I came across his 3D / 4D Ultrasound video.  The video was a recording of our entire 20 minute session.

I reduced the 20 minute video down to about 2 minutes of the cool stuff.  You know, like moving around, making faces, and of course showing us how he can kick the crap out of Momma. (Not literally :lol: )

Anyways, I hope you enjoy, and if you decide to have another baby definitely consider having a 3D/4D Ultrasound done.  It was something I will never forget…

[youtube]B6Adx48ldHw[/youtube]

Left, Left, Left, Right, Left

Momma and Ace
From Momma: We thank God everyday that Ace was born “on time”, perfect and healthy, but so many babies are not. Won’t you help those babies have a better start?

Momma is walking in the March for Babies on April 27th.

The money she raises for March for Babies will support life saving research, services, education and advocacy that help babies get a healthy start in life.

I’m asking you to help Momma reach her goal of $125 (only $40 more to go as of 4/14). By participating in March for Babies, Momma will help the March of Dimes fund the fight to ensure the health of babies. It’s easy, safe and secure – just click on the link below (or the picture in the right sidebar) to make your donation.

http://www.marchforbabies.org/shoylman

Not sure what the March of Babies is all about? Watch the video below…

[youtube]iQ1CsZbjY0g[/youtube]

If I Die From McDonald’s Rootbeer…

McDonalds CupI left the house at 4AM this morning to catch a 6AM flight to Baton Rouge, LA for work.  I arrived in Baton Rouge about 9:30.

I was hungry.  I skipped breakfast, so I stopped at McDonald’s and got a breakfast meal…somewhere around 9:45 AM.  I usually get orange juice with my McDonald’s breakfast, but since I had a two hour drive ahead of me I got a root-beer.  The root-beer is bigger and would last longer.

Anyways, I was driving down the highway enjoying my breakfast and root-beer on the way to the place I was working.  Over the course of the two hour drive I finished the root-beer.  It was flat and tasted a bit funny, but I was thirsty so I drank it anyways!

I finished my job and hit the road at about 2:00 PM.  I was thirsty again, so I stopped at a gas station to get a drink.  When I picked up the McDonald’s cup out of the cup holder, I shook it to see if it was empty.  To my surprise I heard…

THUMP….THUMP…

Why was the cup thumping when I shook it?  It had been sitting in the 80 degree car for over four hours.  All the ice should have been melted, right?

I opened the lid of the cup to see what the hell was going on.  What I saw made my stomach wrench!

I’m sure you’ve heard the stories about finding fingertips, mice, and other strange objects in fast food.  What I saw was not as bad as a fingertip or dead mouse, but it still grossed me out!

I saw a soggy chicken nugget!

Somehow a chicken nugget found it’s way into my root-beer…and I drank the whole thing without noticing…

The chicken nugget was just lying there at the bottom of my cup.  All of the breading had become soggy and broke off.  Pieces of the breading were covering the inside of the cup.  I probably sucked up most of the breading through my straw when I was drinking it though…

The thought of a chicken nugget being in my drink doesn’t gross me out.  Added protein, right? :D

What grosses me out is that it was 9:45 in the morning.  They were still serving breakfast… Chicken nuggets shouldn’t have even been out and about yet.  So where did this chicken nugget come from? 

Did someone find it on the floor from the previous night and put it in my cup?  Ya know, after the mice, flies, and bugs got through nibbling and shitting on it?

Was it an uncooked chicken nugget that someone put in my drink?  Can you say salmonella..!

So, if I die from drinking McDonald’s root-beer I want all of the Mom and Dad bloggers out there to unite and form a group.  The group will be named P.A.C.I.F.I.E.R.

Parents
Against
Chicken Nuggets
In
Fast-food’s
Icy Drinks,
Especially
Root-beer

Take McDonald’s to court.  Sue them.  Give some money to Momma and Ace to make sure they will be taken care of for the rest of their lives, and donate the rest to charity.

Can I count on all of ya to follow through with this?

I’ve got other things to think about right now…like keeping my dinner down. :|

McDonald’s cup photo by SoloXis