Going Under The Knife

Not me, not Momma, but Ace.  You heard me right…my little boy will be going in for surgery in a few weeks.

Now calm down, it is nothing life threatening, but it is still scary for me.  Just the though of him being given some anesthetic and being knocked out with hoses and stuff shoved down his throat make my stomach feel funny.

The thought of some doctor, cutting him open with a scalpel sends shivers down my spine.  I can just picture him lying there on a table, with all of the wires from the monitors, the beeping from the heart monitor,  and him just lying there lifeless.  The little boy that is never lifeless…even when he sleeps. :D

Again, calm down…I am probably over reacting…

Ace has an umbilical hernia…AKA an outie.  :D   Basically the hole in his belly where his umbilical cord was…never closed, and his insides push out when he strains.

A good picture of it is from a post I wrote last summer where Ace was playing in the waves…

Big Waves

Big Waves

Ace’s doctor said it should have healed by the time he was 18 months.  He is almost two now and it is not getting better, so we were thrust upon making a decision…surgery, or leaving it alone.  We chose surgery.  One reason is cosmetic, and the other is to prevent any complications with it in the future.

Now, it is only going to be a small incision with 10 internal stitches, but it still concerns me.  But hopefully it will be all worth it and everyone will come out healthy with only some slight bruising  …including me and Momma.  :D


(Non) Sleep Study

I went last night and did the sleep study that my doc recommended, but I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep.  :D   Maybe it had something to do with the 30 wires, sensors, and probes that joined me for my slumber…

Sleep Study Plug-N-Play

Sleep Study Plug-N-Play

 It took about a half an hour to get connected, then I could do whatever I wanted and go to sleep whenever I wanted.  So, I got out my laptop like any good blogger would do and realized there was not an outlet to plug into and also no available wireless connection.  Shucks!

So, I got out my web cam and took these photographs before my battery ran out of juice. (Check out my fancy $15 PJs that will never get worn again.)

All Connected For My Sleep Study

All Connected For My Sleep Study

All Connected For My Sleep Study (Side View)

All Connected For My Sleep Study (Side View)

My other alternative was watch TV with the other lab rats, read a Readers Digest from 1997, or go to sleep.  I opted for a little shut eye.  :D

This room was dark…haunted house dark!  Where was the TV and the glow from the street lights that I have grown accustomed to?  The only light was from an Infrared Flood light above the door.  It was a very faint red glow that I could barely see, but would allow the sleep technicians to watch my every move using an infrared camera.  Ever wake up feeling like someone is watching you sleep?  Try waking up knowing someone is watching you sleep.  :D

What bad habits do I have at night when I am sleeping?  What do I scratch?  What bodily functions do I lose control of? (They did have a microphone in the room too. )

Maybe all of these thoughts running through my head, plus the wires, plus the fact that I could not get comfortable, plus the fact that I can not remember the last time I had worn more than my underwear to bed…is why I did not sleep well.

So, morning came after what seemed like 12 hours of lying in a dark room.  The technician said that I might have a mild to moderate sleep breathing disorder (I guess I actually did sleep some)…but the doctor will make that call and let me know next week.

Until then I am going to sleep in my own bed, with no wires/sensors/probes, with the TV on, scratching whatever I want whenever I want, and doing it all stark naked if I feel like it.  :D


The Bionic Sleeper

You might remember my recent hospital stay where they detected that my heart had gone into atrial fibrillation.  It has been happening to me since I was in high school.  I had learned how to make the abnormal heart beat convert back to a normal sinus rhythm by holding my breath…and so I lived with it.   Yup, real fun stuff.  :D

My new heart doc has me taking some medicine that helps control it.  And so far it is working.  I’ve had a few freak episodes, but they only lasted about 2 seconds…nothing like the 10 hours of 190 beats per minute while I was in the hospital.  :D

I’ve been doing good.  I have not had a drop of caffeine…and I have not gone back into a-fib for more than 3 or 4 seconds.  Those couple times were really my fault.  I had been working outside all day cutting wood.  I had not ate or drank much of anything.  Dehydration and lack of potassium are just of the couple of things that can trigger a-fib.  Whoops…my bad.  :D

The next step of my treatment is a sleep study…this Sunday…yep Superbowl Sunday.  I get to sleep at the doctors office with about 3 million wires and sensors attached from head to toe while some really lucky nurses get to watch me toss and turn over a camera, and listen to me saw logs over a microphone.

Based upon the results, I may have to sleep like this from now on…

cpap

Looks comfy right?  Well, maybe I will actually feel rested in the morning.  I can look like the bionic sleeper if it makes me feel like the bionic man the next day.  :D

Do any of you that read DadThing use CPAP machines?  If so let me know what you think about them in the comments.


A Scary First…

DadThing has been filled with stories about Ace’s firsts.  From his first step to his first night with no bottle.

However, something happened this weekend that was a first for me.  It was not nearly as happy a time as when Ace rolled over for the first time.  I spent my first ever night in the hospital.

I have had a problem with my heart since I was in junior high school, but no doctor could ever tell me what it was.  I have had multiple EKGs, Echoes, stress tests, you name it…and they all come back normal.  I swear the doctors thought I was making stuff up.

Ya see, sometimes, especially when I exert myself, my heart goes crazy.  It beats really hard and with no real rythym.   Sometimes I feel like I’m going to pass out and I almost always have to sit down until my heart calms down a bit.  Usually I can get it to stop within 10 minutes or so with some techniques I have discovered over the years, but not Saturday night.  After about 3 hours I drove myself to the emergency room.

I did not feel bad.  There was no pain, I did not feel faint or anything.  I just knew that something was not right.   I walked up to the ER receptionist and told her that I would like to be seen for a rapid and irregular heart beat.  She took my name and social security number and I immediately went back for an EKG.

The nurse doing the EKG seemed very urgent and I immediately went into triage to have my vitals checked.  My blood pressure was high and my heart rate was 180 beats per minute.  A normal heart rate is around 70 beats per minute.  Yikes!  The triage nurse, said “Wait right here.  You are next to be seen.”

I did not pass GO, did not collect $200, and went directly to an ER bed where I was immediately stuck with an IV, had X-Rays, and then lied there for a few hours hoping the medicine would make my heart beat normally.  The urgency of everyone in the ER was kind of frightening. 

This has been happening to me for over 15 years now and I had become used to living with it, but I guess it really was something serious…atrial fibrillation.

About 6 hours later I was admitted to the hospital.  After another 4 hours of lying in the hospital bed hooked to heart monitors a nurse rushed in my room as she yelled into her phone, “I need an EKG STAT!!”  I thought that something bad had happened.  I thought my heart had really gone crazy and I was in trouble…

However, she then looked at me and smiled.  “You converted!!”  My heart beat had converted back to a normal sinus rhythm.  This was a good thing because if the medicine did not convert me, they would have had to shock my heart with the paddles….while I was awake and alert. 

I had to stay in the hospital for another day in observation to make sure that my heart did not go back into atrial fibrillation again, and to also make sure I did not have a stroke (a side effect of being in atrial fibrillation for an extended period of time).

Momma brought Ace in to visit me and I will never forget the look on his face when he saw my lying there in that hospital bed.  He was confused and scared at the same time.  After he realized that I was OK, he did grab my finger and we took a few laps around the observation unit.  Ace pulling me, and me pulling an IV.  The little old ladies and the nurses got a kick out of him taking Daddy for a walk.  :D

So now I am back home, with no restrictions, and a little different out look on life.  I have cut caffeine out of my diet.  Once I have that under control, smoking is next.

I can’t live like there is no tomorrow anymore.  There are a few people in this world that count on me being there…and I’m going to do my part to make sure that happens. :D


Today’s the day…..

It’s Wednesday, and here I sit; when I should be sleeping. 

I go to the doctor today to make sure that everything passed like it was supposed to.  And God, I really hope it did….I don’t want anything else to have to take place.  As if this whole thing isn’t bad enough, I might have to endure more and I don’t think that I can.

My friends must think I’m awful or a basketcase or just plain crazy at this point.  I have avoided everyone that I can for the last week, actually longer, but I think now I’m going to have to face them.  I’m sure everyone will want to tell me that everything will be okay, that this is for the best; but honestly I don’t want to hear it.  Not anymore!  I’m ready for this to be over, O-V-E-R, to just be a memory.  A really crappy memory!  I’ve grieved, believe me I’ve grieved over this, but now I honestly think that I’m beginning to heal.  That God really is taking this pain away.  It’s been 10 days, is this even possible?  I would like to think so.  Some people think I’m pretending to be fine when the truth of the matter is, I’m all cried out.  My tears have run dry….that whole in my heart; Ace is filling it up with so much love that I don’t notice it as much today as I did yesterday.  Today I walked right by the baby clothes at WalMart and didn’t stop to wonder if I would need pink or blue this time.  Just a slight trick of my mind maybe, but I would like to think that I’m done.  I’m done feeling hurt and miserable and sad and sick and all that mess that comes with it.  I’m ready to think of what next month might bring, or the month after that.  I’m ready to get back to living my life instead of just watching it happen from the sidelines.

I miss laughing for no reason at all, and sleeping late without my family thinking I’m alone in the bedroom crying my eyes out, and I miss exercising (which I haven’t really done and used to do everyday and I hate more than anything), and I miss talking on the phone without wondering if this will come up, and I miss my friends and family just being normal.  So please, stop asking if I’m okay when you don’t believe my response anyway, and stop tip-toeing around the subject of babies (of which I know 9 people due to have their own in the next few weeks to months), and stop treating me like I might fall to pieces any second.  I’m okay, not totally healed but I’m getting there and the sooner everyone gets back to life as usual the easier it will be!

I don’t want to sound ungrateful, I really appreciate the support and love and prayers from everyone; honestly I think that is what has helped.  That this ordeal was not a secret that I had to go through on my own, that I did have so much support to lean on when I was at my lowest, that is what has helped me heal the most.  So let me heal…..and believe me when I say that I am getting there….and that I am okay.

I know I’m not the first woman in history to go through this, but if I could be the last that would be fine by me.  I wouldn’t wish this kind of hurt on anyone, not even my worst enemy.  So to those who have suffered through this, I wish you to be healed and let God’s love surround you and make you whole again; that’s what I’m trying to do.

Thank you Jared for being there and dealing with my crazy mood swings and irrational behavior at times, and for letting me scream when I needed to, and for listening without speaking, and loving me through this all.  You really are the best friend I have ever had, and I’m lucky to have you in my life!  I love you more than words….you have my heart until the end of time!

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings