If Prison Wasn’t Such A Bad Place…

Ace and I were at the playground behind the neighborhood school the other morning.  The sun was shining (for once), and I was bound determined to soak up every ounce I could get.  It was going to be a good day!  I was taking loads pictures with the new camera and Ace was enjoying the curvy slide, the swing, and the bouncy bridge at the playground!

Everything was great!  We were both having a good time until…….I came across the first person that I wanted to literally strangle the life out of!

I have seen many people in my life.  Probably in the multiple tens of thousands I would guess.  Most of them are nice people.  Some are jack-asses, but not a single one ever fired me up like this one.

So,  I was helping Ace climb up the ladder to the bridge that leads to the slide when I heard, from around the corner of the school, a lady…sorry, wrong word, she was far from a lady…a bellowing woman yell at the top of her lungs… “SHUT THE F*CK UP!”

It caught me off guard.  I mean after all, we were at a school…ya know…where kids are present?   …and then she yelled it again…and again…and again!

Finally the bellowing woman rounded the corner of the school building with two other adults, three kids (maybe 8, 10, and 12 yrs old), and a dog on a leash.

They finally made it over to the playground…and of course had to play on the same piece of playground equipment that Ace was on.

I could hear one of the boys (the 10yr old) whining to his Mom (biologically..not emotionally) that he wanted to walk the dog.


The boy cries more and asks again.  “Please Mom…I just want to walk the dog….please please please…”

The woman stands up and starts to unbuckle her belt.  The boy runs and screams…”GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE!  ONE MORE CHANCE MOMMY!  JUST ONE MORE CHANCE!”

At this time Ace has just made his way up onto the bridge and is walking across it.  I’m standing on the ground below him.

The lady whips out her belt and chases her son around the playground.  The other two adults with the group were laughing hysterically.

The boy runs up the ladder onto the same piece of playground equipment that Ace was on…and the Mom follows with belt cocked.

The boy stops about two feet before he gets to where Ace is and…WHACK!  She whipped the boy with her belt diagonally across his upper back.  And if a belt across the upper back wasn’t bad enough…it was a STUDDED BELT.  You know, the ones with the big stainless steel spikey looking things…!

After she cracked the boy…it was silent.  The laughing stopped.  The boys screaming stopped.  The only sound I could hear was the panting of the crazy woman.

I didn’t say a word.  I was speechless.  And then she looked at me and said, “Go ahead and call f*cking Child Services.  They can raise them.  I gave birth to them.  I can do whatever the f*ck I want to them.”

Aaaaand now I am pissed.  If a look could kill I’m pretty sure she would have died ten times over.

If it wasn’t for the whole going to prison thing I could have easily strangled her right there with her belt…

And then to top it off the other adults start laughing and yelling at the boy to stop crying.  His crying was scaring the little boy (Ace).

“No..you bunch of hill jack, loud mouth, studded belt swinging, piece of shit parents who think it’s funny to chase a little 10 year old around the playground putting all of these other younger kids at risk for getting hurt are scaring him!”

Man, that would have felt good coming out of my mouth…but I held it in.  It definitely went through my mind though!

No matter how bad I wanted to, I knew I couldn’t say anything.  These were the kind of people who honestly don’t care.  If they would go through all of that trouble to punish a boy for asking to walk the dog, what do you think they would do if I threatened to call the police?  And I was there by myself with Ace.  Nope.  I was not putting him in any kind of danger.

So I sucked it up…and kept my mouth shut.  I got Ace down from the playground and we walked over to the next playground area.

No stupid hill jack, loud mouth, studded belt swinging POS Mom was going to ruin our day!

Daddy Is A Dum Dum

daddy is a dum dum

That’s right Ace…sometimes your Daddy is a Dum Dum.  Let me tell you why…

I try…I try to be a good guy.  I try to help others.  I’m not big on charity.  I’m not big on donations…mostly because you have no idea what that money is going towards.

I usually give the homeless guy at the gas station a quarter.  I usually give that guy who claims to have run out of gas my pocket change.  I do it even though I am pretty sure that they are full of shit up to their ears and are going to go smoke my money in a few minutes.   I give them the benefit of the doubt.

Today we pulled into a CVS parking lot and some normal looking guy comes walking up to us asking for help.  This guy looked like he was in trouble.  He was drenched in sweat and out of breath.  He looked like he was seriously worried about something.

He said that his car broke down a few blocks away and was asking for help to get home.  He said his wife and kids were in the car waiting and that he would gladly take me over to see them to prove it.  He said that he had called for a taxi but it was too much money.  He needed $38 dollars for the cab ride.

I asked him where he was going…and I knew that the cab ride there was just about $40 bucks (I did it a few years back when I was stranded).

He told me to write down my phone number and once he got home to his other car he would call me and meet me at the CVS to pay me back.

My instinct told me to say “No” and move on with my life, but the good guy in me said “Just give him the money…it is only $40 bucks.”

What if this was me, Momma, an Ace.  If I was seriously stranded somewhere without my wallet and no way to get home I would hope that someone would help us out.

I mean seriously…even if the guy takes my money and runs, I have wasted $40 plenty of times.  This would be just another one of those times.

So, I pulled out my wallet and gave him $40 bucks.

The guy shook my hand, looked me in the eyes, thanked me, and said that he would call me as soon as he got home to set up a time to pay me back.

Well, that was about 5 hours ago and my phone still has not rang…and my wallet is still short $40.

(Short pause while I kick myself)

So where did I screw up?  Did I screw up for helping the guy?  Did I screw up for giving him money?

This is a public announcement to all homeless, beggars, people with broke down cars, people who have ran out of gas, people who ask for money of any kind from me…you are SOL.  I will never give out a single penny again to anyone who asks for it.  You want a sandwich?  You want a gallon of gas?  You need the tire changed on your car?  I’ll do those things for you.   But I will never give anyone another penny.

I don’t mind helping people when they need it, but it really pisses me off to be taken advantage of.

So how many licks does it take to get to the center of this Tootsie Pop?  About $40 worth… 🙂

The Village

It’s been pretty hot here lately.  Somewhere around 90 degrees every day…and 98 degrees in our house!

Yup, our air conditioner took a big ole crap!  Why do these things break when they are needed the most?

And on top of that Ace came down with strep throat.  When he’s feeling good…he is lying around.  When he is feeling bad, he needs to be held.

I can barely stand the heat just sitting here by myself, let alone holding a 100 degree, crying, 25 lb boy!

So, we’ve been staying at Grandma’s house (which has AC) until the parts for our AC unit come in and I have time to install them.  😀

It really does take a village sometimes… 😀

Now Ya See Me, Now Ya See Me With Only One Eye

Ace is rough.  He does not play nice…sometimes.  He does not think twice about smacking the shit out of you, or kicking you in the nads when you are holding him, or pulling your hair (if you have any), or….poking your eye out!

You heard me right…poking your eye out!

Momma and Ace were playing on the floor and Momma took a fingernail to the eyeball.  She said it hurt like hell, but we both kinda hoped that it would be better in the morning.

Actually it got worse.  I came home from work at lunch to find Momma with an eye that was nearly swollen shut and bloodshot like she had been in one hell of a bar fight the night before.

I drove her and the eye poking two year old to the eye doctor where Momma was given some eye drops and told to keep her eyes closed as much as possible.

She spent the rest of the day resting lying on the couch with gauze taped to her orbit.

But while it is easy to get upset with Ace when he gets rough like this, you just can’t stay that way very long.

I mean, how can you feel anything negative at a face like this?

Cute Face

Rocks and Shit

We spent the weekend in my home town at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  Riding the 4-Wheeler, lying by the pool, going swimming, and doing a little bit of partying on Saturday night.

Ace, however spent the weekend sharpening his speech skills and getting lessons from some of the best out there… 😀

Aunt Amber and Aunt Amy taught him some silly Frog song and he spent the weekend running around saying “mmmmm-eckkkkk  mmmmm-eckkkkk  mmmmm-eckkkkk-eckkkkk “.  Don’t ask me… 😀

Aunt Amy also thought it would be just darling for him to start his flirt training.  She successfully got him to say “Hey Gurrrl!”  to a few of his potential future mates.  You better watch out girls!  😀

Grandpa pulled in the driveway in his old truck, but Ace could not see him.  Ace looked to the sky and said “Hewicoptur!”.  I think he is indirectly telling you it is time for a new muffler Gramps.  😀

And last but not least, Ace was walking barefoot across the patio when someone noticed he was not putting weight on the heel of his foot.  Everyone thought he may have stepped on something sharp.  So, I picked up his foot and brushed off a bunch of dirt and rocks.  I announced to the peanut gallery that it was just some “Rocks and Shit”.  And of course, Ace proceeded to copy my excellent English lingo and announce by himself that it was just a bunch of “Rocks and Shit!”, “Rocks and Shit!”, “Rocks and Shit!”

Can’t Bose make some curse word canceling headphones?  I mean hell they make the noise canceling ones!  😀