If Prison Wasn’t Such A Bad Place…

Ace and I were at the playground behind the neighborhood school the other morning.  The sun was shining (for once), and I was bound determined to soak up every ounce I could get.  It was going to be a good day!  I was taking loads pictures with the new camera and Ace was enjoying the curvy slide, the swing, and the bouncy bridge at the playground!

Everything was great!  We were both having a good time until…….I came across the first person that I wanted to literally strangle the life out of!

I have seen many people in my life.  Probably in the multiple tens of thousands I would guess.  Most of them are nice people.  Some are jack-asses, but not a single one ever fired me up like this one.

So,  I was helping Ace climb up the ladder to the bridge that leads to the slide when I heard, from around the corner of the school, a lady…sorry, wrong word, she was far from a lady…a bellowing woman yell at the top of her lungs… “SHUT THE F*CK UP!”

It caught me off guard.  I mean after all, we were at a school…ya know…where kids are present?   …and then she yelled it again…and again…and again!

Finally the bellowing woman rounded the corner of the school building with two other adults, three kids (maybe 8, 10, and 12 yrs old), and a dog on a leash.

They finally made it over to the playground…and of course had to play on the same piece of playground equipment that Ace was on.

I could hear one of the boys (the 10yr old) whining to his Mom (biologically..not emotionally) that he wanted to walk the dog.

She yells again, “YOU HAD YOUR F*CKING CHANCE TO WALK HIM AT HOME!  YOUR BROTHER IS WALKING HIM NOW SO SHUT THE F*CK UP AND QUIT YOUR DAMN CRYING!”

The boy cries more and asks again.  “Please Mom…I just want to walk the dog….please please please…”

The woman stands up and starts to unbuckle her belt.  The boy runs and screams…”GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE!  ONE MORE CHANCE MOMMY!  JUST ONE MORE CHANCE!”

At this time Ace has just made his way up onto the bridge and is walking across it.  I’m standing on the ground below him.

The lady whips out her belt and chases her son around the playground.  The other two adults with the group were laughing hysterically.

The boy runs up the ladder onto the same piece of playground equipment that Ace was on…and the Mom follows with belt cocked.

The boy stops about two feet before he gets to where Ace is and…WHACK!  She whipped the boy with her belt diagonally across his upper back.  And if a belt across the upper back wasn’t bad enough…it was a STUDDED BELT.  You know, the ones with the big stainless steel spikey looking things…!

After she cracked the boy…it was silent.  The laughing stopped.  The boys screaming stopped.  The only sound I could hear was the panting of the crazy woman.

I didn’t say a word.  I was speechless.  And then she looked at me and said, “Go ahead and call f*cking Child Services.  They can raise them.  I gave birth to them.  I can do whatever the f*ck I want to them.”

Aaaaand now I am pissed.  If a look could kill I’m pretty sure she would have died ten times over.

If it wasn’t for the whole going to prison thing I could have easily strangled her right there with her belt…

And then to top it off the other adults start laughing and yelling at the boy to stop crying.  His crying was scaring the little boy (Ace).

“No..you bunch of hill jack, loud mouth, studded belt swinging, piece of shit parents who think it’s funny to chase a little 10 year old around the playground putting all of these other younger kids at risk for getting hurt are scaring him!”

Man, that would have felt good coming out of my mouth…but I held it in.  It definitely went through my mind though!

No matter how bad I wanted to, I knew I couldn’t say anything.  These were the kind of people who honestly don’t care.  If they would go through all of that trouble to punish a boy for asking to walk the dog, what do you think they would do if I threatened to call the police?  And I was there by myself with Ace.  Nope.  I was not putting him in any kind of danger.

So I sucked it up…and kept my mouth shut.  I got Ace down from the playground and we walked over to the next playground area.

No stupid hill jack, loud mouth, studded belt swinging POS Mom was going to ruin our day!

Daddy Is A Dum Dum

daddy is a dum dum

That’s right Ace…sometimes your Daddy is a Dum Dum.  Let me tell you why…

I try…I try to be a good guy.  I try to help others.  I’m not big on charity.  I’m not big on donations…mostly because you have no idea what that money is going towards.

I usually give the homeless guy at the gas station a quarter.  I usually give that guy who claims to have run out of gas my pocket change.  I do it even though I am pretty sure that they are full of shit up to their ears and are going to go smoke my money in a few minutes.   I give them the benefit of the doubt.

Today we pulled into a CVS parking lot and some normal looking guy comes walking up to us asking for help.  This guy looked like he was in trouble.  He was drenched in sweat and out of breath.  He looked like he was seriously worried about something.

He said that his car broke down a few blocks away and was asking for help to get home.  He said his wife and kids were in the car waiting and that he would gladly take me over to see them to prove it.  He said that he had called for a taxi but it was too much money.  He needed $38 dollars for the cab ride.

I asked him where he was going…and I knew that the cab ride there was just about $40 bucks (I did it a few years back when I was stranded).

He told me to write down my phone number and once he got home to his other car he would call me and meet me at the CVS to pay me back.

My instinct told me to say “No” and move on with my life, but the good guy in me said “Just give him the money…it is only $40 bucks.”

What if this was me, Momma, an Ace.  If I was seriously stranded somewhere without my wallet and no way to get home I would hope that someone would help us out.

I mean seriously…even if the guy takes my money and runs, I have wasted $40 plenty of times.  This would be just another one of those times.

So, I pulled out my wallet and gave him $40 bucks.

The guy shook my hand, looked me in the eyes, thanked me, and said that he would call me as soon as he got home to set up a time to pay me back.

Well, that was about 5 hours ago and my phone still has not rang…and my wallet is still short $40.

(Short pause while I kick myself)

So where did I screw up?  Did I screw up for helping the guy?  Did I screw up for giving him money?

This is a public announcement to all homeless, beggars, people with broke down cars, people who have ran out of gas, people who ask for money of any kind from me…you are SOL.  I will never give out a single penny again to anyone who asks for it.  You want a sandwich?  You want a gallon of gas?  You need the tire changed on your car?  I’ll do those things for you.   But I will never give anyone another penny.

I don’t mind helping people when they need it, but it really pisses me off to be taken advantage of.

So how many licks does it take to get to the center of this Tootsie Pop?  About $40 worth… :)

The Village

It’s been pretty hot here lately.  Somewhere around 90 degrees every day…and 98 degrees in our house!

Yup, our air conditioner took a big ole crap!  Why do these things break when they are needed the most?

And on top of that Ace came down with strep throat.  When he’s feeling good…he is lying around.  When he is feeling bad, he needs to be held.

I can barely stand the heat just sitting here by myself, let alone holding a 100 degree, crying, 25 lb boy!

So, we’ve been staying at Grandma’s house (which has AC) until the parts for our AC unit come in and I have time to install them.  :D

It really does take a village sometimes… :D

Now Ya See Me, Now Ya See Me With Only One Eye

Ace is rough.  He does not play nice…sometimes.  He does not think twice about smacking the shit out of you, or kicking you in the nads when you are holding him, or pulling your hair (if you have any), or….poking your eye out!

You heard me right…poking your eye out!

Momma and Ace were playing on the floor and Momma took a fingernail to the eyeball.  She said it hurt like hell, but we both kinda hoped that it would be better in the morning.

Actually it got worse.  I came home from work at lunch to find Momma with an eye that was nearly swollen shut and bloodshot like she had been in one hell of a bar fight the night before.

I drove her and the eye poking two year old to the eye doctor where Momma was given some eye drops and told to keep her eyes closed as much as possible.

She spent the rest of the day resting lying on the couch with gauze taped to her orbit.

But while it is easy to get upset with Ace when he gets rough like this, you just can’t stay that way very long.

I mean, how can you feel anything negative at a face like this?

Cute Face

Rocks and Shit

We spent the weekend in my home town at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  Riding the 4-Wheeler, lying by the pool, going swimming, and doing a little bit of partying on Saturday night.

Ace, however spent the weekend sharpening his speech skills and getting lessons from some of the best out there… :D

Aunt Amber and Aunt Amy taught him some silly Frog song and he spent the weekend running around saying “mmmmm-eckkkkk  mmmmm-eckkkkk  mmmmm-eckkkkk-eckkkkk “.  Don’t ask me… :D

Aunt Amy also thought it would be just darling for him to start his flirt training.  She successfully got him to say “Hey Gurrrl!”  to a few of his potential future mates.  You better watch out girls!  :D

Grandpa pulled in the driveway in his old truck, but Ace could not see him.  Ace looked to the sky and said “Hewicoptur!”.  I think he is indirectly telling you it is time for a new muffler Gramps.  :D

And last but not least, Ace was walking barefoot across the patio when someone noticed he was not putting weight on the heel of his foot.  Everyone thought he may have stepped on something sharp.  So, I picked up his foot and brushed off a bunch of dirt and rocks.  I announced to the peanut gallery that it was just some “Rocks and Shit”.  And of course, Ace proceeded to copy my excellent English lingo and announce by himself that it was just a bunch of “Rocks and Shit!”, “Rocks and Shit!”, “Rocks and Shit!”

Can’t Bose make some curse word canceling headphones?  I mean hell they make the noise canceling ones!  :D

Enjoying The Sunshine

So, yeah…it’s been a while.   I lost my password to the site…or something. :D

No really, we have just been super busy gettin’ ready for summer, and most recently enjoyin’ the summer like weather here in Ohio.

Since it has been a while since you all have seen a pic of Ace, I figured I would upload a few pics of him outside enjoying the sunshine…

Bike Riding Is Fun

Bike Riding Is Fun

Getting So Big!

Getting So Big!

Yet, Still My Little Guy...

Yet, Still My Little Guy...

PS:  Ace is all healed up from his surgery, and back to having more energy than Dad.  :D    I took a before picture of his outie…  If I can get him to hold still for two seconds, I’ll get a pic of his new and improved belly button and post a before and after.  :D  

Stay tuned…I’m going to get my old blogging shoes out of the closet and dust them off.  :D

Honoring The Life of Payton Marie Robinson

Payton Robinson

We never met Payton or her family, but we have a family member that had. To know that Payton has touched so many lives during her short time here is heart warming.

My mother called me Monday evening, and as soon as I heard her voice I knew something was not quite right. She told me that her manager had not been to work that day, there had been a family emergency.

I was afraid to ask what happened, and then she told me that her manager’s grand-daughter had died that morning. Shock was the only way to describe how I felt, and some disbelief too. I didn’t even notice that I had begun to cry when I asked what happened, not that it mattered what happened…this precious child was gone.

Payton Marie Robinson was just 9 weeks old when she passed away unexpectedly, leaving behind her parents and two-year old brother Tyson. When something so tragic happens to someone you know, it makes you hold tight to the ones you have in your life and remember God is really in charge of everything and He has a plan. We may not understand that plan and truth be told we may never, but we must hold fast to our faith for it will see us through.

To honor the life and memory of this sweet child, we are making a donation in her name to www.firstcandle.org and we encourage others to do the same; if not to this organization than to one helping to fund the research and prevention of SIDS. Remember this family in your prayers as we do, for this child may have gone on to be with her Heavenly Father but she will never be forgotten.

This is her obituary:

Payton Marie Robinson, born February 16, 2009, departed this world April 20, 2009. We belong to God and not the Earth. He just lets the Earth borrow us for a little while to do God’s work. God sent Payton Marie “Pay Pay” here to bring love and happiness if only for a short nine weeks. We all were blessed with her presence and are happy to know that she is with her Heavenly Father and among many family and friends that have gone on before us. Preceded in death by paternal great-grandparents Ruthie West, Arthur and Dorothy Robinson, maternal great- grandparents Cyrus and Ocee Simmons and Merchant and Josie Singleton. Survived by parents, Lawrence and Jacinta Robinson; brother, Tyson James Robinson; paternal great-grandfather, James West; paternal grandmother, Eugenia Robinson; paternal grandfather, Ronald Robinson; maternal grandparents, Eric and Charlene Simmons; aunts, Patrice Robinson and Rhonda McKinney; uncle, Joshua Simmons; a host of aunts, uncles, cousins, and many loving family friends. Memorial Celebration of Life 3:30 p.m. Saturday, April 25, 2009 at St. Paul A.M.E. Church, 639 E. Long Street, where the family will receive friends from 2:30 p.m. until the start of service. Attendees are asked to wear bright colors. In lieu of flowers, please consider a contribution to the St. Paul A.M.E. Allen Christian Endeavor Youth Ministry. Arrangements entrusted to DIEHL-WHITTAKER FUNERAL SERVICE, 720 E. Long Street.

Jacinta Simmons-Robinson and her mother have been featured in a previous post regarding their online business geared towards formal wear for young boys and infants. Take a moment to check out their site: www.tysonscloset.com

Two Birds and an Egg…

Momma went to Grandma’s house today to get ready for Ace’s big birthday party tomorrow, so it was a guys house today.  Me and Ace doing what guys do best…a whole lotta nothing.  :D

Nah, we did more than nothing.  We spent most of the afternoon outside swinging on the swingset, throwing the ball, and playing in the sandbox.  We went for a walk and watched the birds sing back by the creek.  It was a great Dad/Son boding day…

After dinner I gave Ace a bath and then started to read him a story before bedtime.  The book was about two birds that found an egg in their nest…it was not their egg, but they decided to sit on it anyways.

About three pages into the book Ace got up off my lap and ran over and started playing with one of his toys.  Yup, the book was soooo exciting that even a two year old lost interest after three pages…

But guess who kept on reading…to himself.  You guessed it.  I found myself so mystified by what actually might be in that egg that I kept reading the book to myself…out loud and all energetic like I was reading to Ace.

As I flipped through the pages of the book in suspense of what was in the egg I thought to myself…”Why the hell are you still reading this?”…but, I couldn’t stop.

Maybe it’s an overdose of Moose and Zee, the Backyardigans, Dora, and Pinky Dinky Doo that have brought my judgment on what is entertaining to an all time low.   You ever found yourself excited when Wonder Pets comes on the TV so that you can sing along with the song?  Please say yes… :D

Happy 2nd Birthday Ace!

Two years ago today Ace made his first appearance in this world.  It’s amazing how fast time flies…can it really be two years already?

Momma is sad that her little baby…is not so much of a baby anymore.  I am excited that my little boy is becoming…well, a little boy.  :D

So, what has happened in Ace’s 2nd year?  A whole lot…

Ace has figured out that the world extends much farther than the walls of our home.  The boy loves to be outside, at the park, riding on the mowerswimming in the pool, swinging on the swingset, or at the zoo

He no longer fits in the kitchen sink for bath time, so we had to actually finish installing the bath tub in our upstairs bathroom.  He has some foam letters that float in the bath tub, and at only two years old, he can tell you what every single letter is…both upper and lower case.   (He’s a genius)  :D

Ace spent his summer going new places and doing new things.  Remember going to COSI, doing the chicken dance on the field at Cooper Stadium, going to Iowa for vacation, and swimming at the beach?  We had a blast last summer…

Not everything last year was cheerful and happy though.  We had to put down our family dog, Buddy.  And after trying for 11 months, we got pregnant, and then mis-carried.  Ace was young enough that he wasn’t really affected though, which is a good thing.   

Last fall Ace drank his last bottle, went to his first fly-in and demo derby, went to Circle-S-Farms, and dressed up like a Vampire for trick-or-treat.

Winter time brought on Wildlights at the Zoo, an amazing Christmas, a new fish tank, and locking Momma out of the house:D

So what will next year bring?  So far we have a two week vacation planned at the end of summer, which I’m sure will provide some good blog fodder.  Other than that I’m sure there will be some more mower riding, swimming, playing, and hopefully….some potty training!  :D

Ace’s birthday party is planned for this weekend, and I know of at least one present he is getting that will get some exposure time here on DadThing.  Stay tuned to hear all about his newest big boy toy!  :D

What Goes Crunch, Crunch, Crunch In The Dark?

Wednesday night we had a really bad storm come through town.  I was driving home from work and had to literally stop on the freeway due to zero visibility with my wipers on hyper speed.  The wind gusts were downright mindshattering.  I was driving my truck (which doubles as a wind sail during storms due to it’s large side profile) and could actally feel the truck lift up when the wind was hitting me head on.  The news said we had near 70 MPH wind gusts!

Anyways, I made it home without blowing away.  I was waiting for one of two things to happen…  the tree in front of our house to fall on our roof, …or the power to go out.  One of the two was inevitable…

So, in the mean time I cooked dinner (Momma was not feeling well).  I made Taco Salad, but I forgot to buy the Taco Seasoning on the way home from work.  So I made the taco salad without the seasoning.  So really it was hamburger and chili bean salad…tasted about as good as it sounds. :lol:

I set up Ace’s chair in the living room and gave Ace a plate with some hamburger and beans, but he would have nothing to do with it.  I don’t blame him…it was gross, but I could not let a whole pound of hamburger go to waste, so I ate it anyways. :smile:

I gave Ace a handful of potato chips to keep him busy until I could get back with ole’ faithful…a hot dog.  This kid is going to turn into a hot dog if we are not careful. :grin:

Of course all the hot dogs were frozen, so I put one on the microwave for two minutes to thaw and cook it real quick.  The microwave beeped when it was done, and I pressed the button to open the microwave door….

DARKNESS!

All the power in our house went out.  My first thought was “Where the hell is Ace?”  I could just see him getting scared, running to find me, and falling and hurting himself on the corner of some piece of furniture.   “He is probably freaking out right about now!”,  I think to myself.  Then I remembered he was strapped into his chair. 

 So I start making my way into the living room, tripping over toys and cussing under my breath the whole way. :lol:

I get to the living room and can not remember where I set up his chair.  Was it on the left or right side of the couch?  Remember it was pitch black.   I could not see anything. 

I called Ace’s name, but he did not make a peep.  So I start slowly making my way through the living room with my arms outstretched feeling for his chair, head, arms, whatever.  And then I hear it…

“Crunch, crunch, crunch.”

“What the hell is that?” I say to myself.

“Crunch, crunch, crunch.”

I make my way towards the noise and find Ace sitting there in the pitch black room, strapped to his chair, still enjoying his potato chips…just crunching away like nothing ever happened.

Paranoid Dad much?  :oops:

The Blanky – 10 Magical Powers

The blanky is a magical parenting tool.  It is THE cure-all of all cure-alls.  Why is a blanky such a magical thing?  It can do almost everything…

  1. The Blanky can make the pain from all boo-boos vanish!
  2. The Blanky can absorb those tears just like it absorbs the pain.
  3. The Blanky is a makeshift pillow for unexpected nap times
  4. The Blanky will keep you warm when it gets a bit chilly
  5. The Blanky will give you the ability to fly when tied around your neck like a cape!
  6. The Blanky is the perfect for hiding behind during games of peek-a-boo.
  7. The Blanky seconds as a teething device when no teething devices are on hand.
  8. The Blanky will soften your fall when you use it as a parachute when jumping down the stairs.
  9. The Blanky will make you drive all the way back to Grandma’s house because it is impossible to sleep without it.
  10. The Blanky can do all of these magical things, no matter how many mud puddles it got drug through, no matter how much slobber it has absorbed, no matter how much puke/milk/mashed potatoes are crusted on it, and no matter how bad the friggin’ thing smells.  :D

So do your children have something “magical”?  Share in the comments…

(Non) Sleep Study

I went last night and did the sleep study that my doc recommended, but I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep.  :D   Maybe it had something to do with the 30 wires, sensors, and probes that joined me for my slumber…

Sleep Study Plug-N-Play

Sleep Study Plug-N-Play

 It took about a half an hour to get connected, then I could do whatever I wanted and go to sleep whenever I wanted.  So, I got out my laptop like any good blogger would do and realized there was not an outlet to plug into and also no available wireless connection.  Shucks!

So, I got out my web cam and took these photographs before my battery ran out of juice. (Check out my fancy $15 PJs that will never get worn again.)

All Connected For My Sleep Study

All Connected For My Sleep Study

All Connected For My Sleep Study (Side View)

All Connected For My Sleep Study (Side View)

My other alternative was watch TV with the other lab rats, read a Readers Digest from 1997, or go to sleep.  I opted for a little shut eye.  :D

This room was dark…haunted house dark!  Where was the TV and the glow from the street lights that I have grown accustomed to?  The only light was from an Infrared Flood light above the door.  It was a very faint red glow that I could barely see, but would allow the sleep technicians to watch my every move using an infrared camera.  Ever wake up feeling like someone is watching you sleep?  Try waking up knowing someone is watching you sleep.  :D

What bad habits do I have at night when I am sleeping?  What do I scratch?  What bodily functions do I lose control of? (They did have a microphone in the room too. )

Maybe all of these thoughts running through my head, plus the wires, plus the fact that I could not get comfortable, plus the fact that I can not remember the last time I had worn more than my underwear to bed…is why I did not sleep well.

So, morning came after what seemed like 12 hours of lying in a dark room.  The technician said that I might have a mild to moderate sleep breathing disorder (I guess I actually did sleep some)…but the doctor will make that call and let me know next week.

Until then I am going to sleep in my own bed, with no wires/sensors/probes, with the TV on, scratching whatever I want whenever I want, and doing it all stark naked if I feel like it.  :D

The Bionic Sleeper

You might remember my recent hospital stay where they detected that my heart had gone into atrial fibrillation.  It has been happening to me since I was in high school.  I had learned how to make the abnormal heart beat convert back to a normal sinus rhythm by holding my breath…and so I lived with it.   Yup, real fun stuff.  :D

My new heart doc has me taking some medicine that helps control it.  And so far it is working.  I’ve had a few freak episodes, but they only lasted about 2 seconds…nothing like the 10 hours of 190 beats per minute while I was in the hospital.  :D

I’ve been doing good.  I have not had a drop of caffeine…and I have not gone back into a-fib for more than 3 or 4 seconds.  Those couple times were really my fault.  I had been working outside all day cutting wood.  I had not ate or drank much of anything.  Dehydration and lack of potassium are just of the couple of things that can trigger a-fib.  Whoops…my bad.  :D

The next step of my treatment is a sleep study…this Sunday…yep Superbowl Sunday.  I get to sleep at the doctors office with about 3 million wires and sensors attached from head to toe while some really lucky nurses get to watch me toss and turn over a camera, and listen to me saw logs over a microphone.

Based upon the results, I may have to sleep like this from now on…

cpap

Looks comfy right?  Well, maybe I will actually feel rested in the morning.  I can look like the bionic sleeper if it makes me feel like the bionic man the next day.  :D

Do any of you that read DadThing use CPAP machines?  If so let me know what you think about them in the comments.

Daa eee!

So as you all know, I shaved my head…and I have kept it shaved…and like it.  It is actually much easier to maintain and much more comfortable than having a head full of hair.  Anyways…

I was surprised that Ace didn’t really seem to notice though.  He did not look at me funny.  He did not want to touch the cue ball.  He acted like he didn’t even notice.  Maybe he is just like any other guy and doesn’t pay attention to details like when someone cuts or colors their hair.  I’ve been known to not notice Momma’s hair cuts before…maybe Ace just gets it honest??

Not a big deal.  Actually I’m glad he didn’t seem to notice.   I was afraid it would freak him out and he wouldn’t know who I was and run away from the bald guy!  :|

 However, we recently found out that he did notice.  He was watching TV with his Grandpa S. the other day when a Mr. Clean commercial came on.  Ace pointed at the TV and said “Daa eee” (Daddy in Ace lingo). 

"Daa eee!"

Maybe it was our other similarities (other than the shiny melon) that made Ace think that Mr. Clean was “Daa eee”…bulging muscles, tan skin, white eye-brows, and good looks?  :lol:  It’s a good theory…

A couple days later Momma and Grandma S. took Ace to the mall.  They were strolling along and Ace pointed at an older man with a shaved head and said “Daa eee!”  This guy was nothing like me or Mr Clean.  No bulging muscles, he was as pale as as a ghost, and definitely not a looker.  :lol:

Well, we can throw my previous theory out the window….

So now pretty much any man with a shaved head is “Daa eee!” 

Man, I hate competition… :lol:

The More Hair I Lose, The More Head I Get

I’ve posted here a few times about my hair…or lack thereof!  

I finally bit the bullet and shaved it all off.  I’m talking totally gone…shaved with a razor.

Here was my before pic: 

Shaved Head - Before - Front View

Shaved Head - Before - Front View

 

Shaved Head - Before - Side View

Shaved Head - Before - Side View

 

and here is the after: 

Shaved Head - After - Front View

Shaved Head - After - Front View

 

Shaved Head - After - Side View

Shaved Head - After - Side View

 

What do you think?  Keep shaving it?  Or let it grow back?  Let me know what you think in the comments below…

It’s been a while……Update!

So it’s been a while since the last post, the one where I was going to the doctor to be checked.  Well as it turns out, everything came out fine and nothing else is needed.  Yay for that!!!  The other good thing, my monthly bill came so that means that my body is totally healed and the baby-making can now proceed!  Jared is more than excited to get back to work in that department and we are keeping our fingers crossed that it doesn’t take quite as long this time; and that it doesn’t have the same result.  The odds are in our favor though, so that gives me some hope!

Another thing I thought I would mention, I wasn’t sure if I really was healing emotionally but today I found out for sure.  My best friend for the last 15 years is/was pregnant, due October 9th.  She had her baby girl today, and we were all surprised!  Momma and baby are doing great, Maddie was a little small but doing great, no extra measures were needed (i.e. oxygen or anything like that) and proud papa Bryan could not stop smiling or hide that tear in his eye!  It was great to see them all, and to see God’s work again!  As soon as I showed up at the hospital they asked me to hold her and at first I just couldn’t, I was too afraid that I would cry.  So after about an hour of visiting, I finally gave in.  And you know what, I wasn’t jealous (which I will admit I was terrified that I might be) but I was filled with so much love for my newborn “niece” that I thought I might cry.  To look in her face and not wish that she was mine but to actually be so proud of Jennifer for all her hard work.  To know that this child will know so much love in her lifetime, I was overwhelmed with emotion.  I wish my dear friends the best on this new journey they are taking, and I hope Maddie brings to them what Ace has brought to us; pure, unconditional, unwavering love!

Today I celebrate that not only was a child born but a mother and father as well!

We love you Jen and Bryan, welcome to the “Breeder’s Club”!

We love you Maddie (even though you just got here), welcome to the world!

Today’s the day…..

It’s Wednesday, and here I sit; when I should be sleeping. 

I go to the doctor today to make sure that everything passed like it was supposed to.  And God, I really hope it did….I don’t want anything else to have to take place.  As if this whole thing isn’t bad enough, I might have to endure more and I don’t think that I can.

My friends must think I’m awful or a basketcase or just plain crazy at this point.  I have avoided everyone that I can for the last week, actually longer, but I think now I’m going to have to face them.  I’m sure everyone will want to tell me that everything will be okay, that this is for the best; but honestly I don’t want to hear it.  Not anymore!  I’m ready for this to be over, O-V-E-R, to just be a memory.  A really crappy memory!  I’ve grieved, believe me I’ve grieved over this, but now I honestly think that I’m beginning to heal.  That God really is taking this pain away.  It’s been 10 days, is this even possible?  I would like to think so.  Some people think I’m pretending to be fine when the truth of the matter is, I’m all cried out.  My tears have run dry….that whole in my heart; Ace is filling it up with so much love that I don’t notice it as much today as I did yesterday.  Today I walked right by the baby clothes at WalMart and didn’t stop to wonder if I would need pink or blue this time.  Just a slight trick of my mind maybe, but I would like to think that I’m done.  I’m done feeling hurt and miserable and sad and sick and all that mess that comes with it.  I’m ready to think of what next month might bring, or the month after that.  I’m ready to get back to living my life instead of just watching it happen from the sidelines.

I miss laughing for no reason at all, and sleeping late without my family thinking I’m alone in the bedroom crying my eyes out, and I miss exercising (which I haven’t really done and used to do everyday and I hate more than anything), and I miss talking on the phone without wondering if this will come up, and I miss my friends and family just being normal.  So please, stop asking if I’m okay when you don’t believe my response anyway, and stop tip-toeing around the subject of babies (of which I know 9 people due to have their own in the next few weeks to months), and stop treating me like I might fall to pieces any second.  I’m okay, not totally healed but I’m getting there and the sooner everyone gets back to life as usual the easier it will be!

I don’t want to sound ungrateful, I really appreciate the support and love and prayers from everyone; honestly I think that is what has helped.  That this ordeal was not a secret that I had to go through on my own, that I did have so much support to lean on when I was at my lowest, that is what has helped me heal the most.  So let me heal…..and believe me when I say that I am getting there….and that I am okay.

I know I’m not the first woman in history to go through this, but if I could be the last that would be fine by me.  I wouldn’t wish this kind of hurt on anyone, not even my worst enemy.  So to those who have suffered through this, I wish you to be healed and let God’s love surround you and make you whole again; that’s what I’m trying to do.

Thank you Jared for being there and dealing with my crazy mood swings and irrational behavior at times, and for letting me scream when I needed to, and for listening without speaking, and loving me through this all.  You really are the best friend I have ever had, and I’m lucky to have you in my life!  I love you more than words….you have my heart until the end of time!

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

It’s over…..

It’s over, just like that.

Seven weeks ago it was here, last week it was here, even yesterday it was here; today it’s gone.  My heart is broken, I am broken…..

It’s so incredibly heart-breaking…to know how long we waited and to have it just taken back…I don’t get it.  This hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt in my entire life, so much pain, so many tears.  After eleven months I thought we finally succeeded, we got it right only to have it taken away so abruptly that my head is spinning.  I don’t know how to explain it, I don’t know how to understand it, I don’t know how to deal with it.

I keep telling myself what the doctor told me, there was nothing I could do, there was nothing I did wrong, it just happens sometimes.  He actually said this is for the best in the long run, that most likely there were serious problems or complications and one day I’ll understand that.  This does not mean it will never happen again, but it also doesn’t mean that it will either.

I spent the entire week praying that God would let me have this baby….that he would let me be happy, that everything would work out. I suppose I should have been preparing myself for the truth, for this to be the outcome, but I wanted to have faith. I wanted to believe that my faith wouldn’t let this happen to me, that it would be okay. That it could be okay, that I would be okay. My heart hurts so much, so much more than I can put into words. 

How can I miss someone I never knew…..how did I already love someone I’d never met?  This was a part of me and Jared,  and one day; some day; I will get to meet this person.  I can only hope that my Uncle Miles is holding this precious angel who never got to be, in his arms and loving them they way I would have.  I loved that baby, because to me it was already a baby; not an embryo or a fetus, but a baby.  A tiny person who we wanted to be….but never got that chance.  I know that God has reasons for everything, reasons we may not ever be able to understand.  I guess He just wasn’t ready to let go of this angel, that He wanted this one for Himself. But why my angel, why this one? Why take the one I have wanted for so long, only to leave me here with all these questions and emotions to try and sort through. I’m so thankful that I have Ace, I know he will help me get through, he will give me strength to just keep going. To look at him and see God’s love will help me more than anything. I know He gave me one, and I know someday He will give me another. 

I know in time I will heal, that this will one day just be a really bad memory. But today, I just want to hurt and cry and be angry and be confused, and be angry with God mostly.  Today I am heart-broken.  Today, I need to just cry and be sad, and wish for what could have been.

Tomorrow I will look at my little boy, and thank God for him!  Tomorrow I will hold Ace so tight that he will never question if his momma loves him.  Tomorrow I will give Ace so many kisses that he will beg his momma to stop….tomorrow I will just look at him and know that God is love.

Tomorrow I will pray for God to take my pain away.  Tomorrow I will begin to heal.

If God never gives us more than we can handle, I need God to know that I have all I can handle; please no more.

Here’s the whole situation and what happened, for those who would like to know:

I found out today for sure. Monday I woke up with some spotting which turned into bleeding and spent the night in the e.r., they diagnosed me with a threatened miscarriage and sent me home to follow up with my regular doctor. Then on Tuesday my doctor did some blood work to compare my numbers to last Friday, everything should have at least doubled but in fact they went down. The baby was not developing anymore and he diagnosed me with an inevitable miscarriage. While at the doctors office I had to give a urine sample, and actually passed the fetal tissue in the office (I had to show it to them and they told me what it was). They will be doing an ultrasound on Wednesday to make sure everything passes so that I don’t get an infection.

Thank you everyone for your prayers, support and kind words; those both spoken and silent.

An Ass Kickin’ Saturday

Today was a good day…one of the better ones I’ve had recently.  What did I do?  Nothing which will make you say “WOW!  Jared is truly amazing!”  Ace and I simply hung out all day long.

Ya see it has been a while since Ace and I have really been able to hang out…guy style.  I’m talking getting up early, running around in nothing but a diaper (underwear for me), getting dirty while playing in the dirt with no shoes on (and not wiping it off), riding the mower (which still doesn’t mow by the way), eating sand out of the sandbox when Dad turns his back for a half a second (it comes out looking like sand too),  going to the park (got even more dirty), and then coming home to relax on the couch and watch some Noggin till Momma gets home.  Good times…good times!

I’ve been working long hours during the week, usually getting home late and only seeing Ace for about an hour before bedtime.  By the time I get home the nightly routine has began…dinner, bath time, PJs, and shortly after…bed time.

Then on the weekends we usually have some place to go and someone to see.

When Momma was working, Ace and I hung out guy style all the time on the weekends, but now that Momma stays home all week she really wants to go somewhere on the weekend, so we are very rarely home on the weekend.

I think I may start offering Momma the chance to get out of the house to be kid and husband free on Saturday, which will give her a chance to go hang out with some of her friends and give Ace and I more of a chance to do our guy things.  :D

Sounds like an even trade to me, you think so?

On top of having an awesome day with Ace I also  discovered a few bloggy friends gave me some cool awards and props!

Brilliante Weblog Award

KylieM from My Digital Life gave me the Brilliante Weblog award.  KylieM is a long time reader here at DadThing.  If you are into scrapbooking, photography, or kid stuff… you should definitely check out one of her blogs.

And then John over at ModernParent.org links to a few of my posts.  John is a first time father who shares his experiences about being a father in the 21st century.  Check out his blog for some cool stories and parenting tips from the perspective of a new father.

Kick Ass Blogger Award

And last, but not least VegasDad, from iVegasFamily, awarded me with the kick as blogger award!  Any award with the word “ass” in it has to be cool…well, unless it is preceded by the word “dumb” or “stupid” or “stank”…you get the point!  Go check out Vegas Dad’s blog.  I promise it is not dumb, stupid, or stank…just kickin’  :D

Oh yeah……Momma went to the doctor on Friday and is definitely pregnant.  The suggested due date is April 11th.  We like spring babies around here…or Momma only ovulates around the month of June.  Who knows…  :D

Don’t Blink!


Photo By: _StaR_DusT_

A couple days ago I was working out of town with a co-worker, and after work we went to get some dinner.  My co-worker was driving and parked his car in the parking lot at a fast food restaurant next door to the the sit-down place where we were going because there was very little parking.
We walked next door and went inside, sat down, got a beer, and ordered our food when the waitress walks up to our table.  She said that there was a car accident outside in the parking lot and a car fitting the description of my co-workers car was one of the two involved
I pictured a fender bender.  Someone backed into his car, right?  A big deal, but not as big as what we were walking in to.

We went outside and were met by three ambulances, two fire trucks, and two cop cars!

There was a minivan against the back of my co-worker’s car. My co-worker’s car had been pushed by the minivan over top of a parking block and was sitting about 6 feet forward of where we parked it.

As we walked around to the other side of the car we saw the driver of the minivan on the ground getting CPR from the EMTs.

I had never first hand witnessed someone in a life and death situation.  It is not something cool like you see on TV.  Not even a little bit…

I found out from some witnesses that the guy was ordering food at the drive thru when he started rolling away and then accelerated at a very high rate of speed before crashing into the back of my co-worker’s car.

I’m not sure what actually caused this guy to go out of control, but whatever it was…was serious.  I watched the man die right there on the pavement in the parking lot.

The EMTs stopped CPR and casually loaded him into the back of the ambulance.  No one said that he didn’t make it, but my gut told me that he had passed away right there in front of my eyes.

About an hour later the man’s family arrived at the scene of the accident and they were informed of their loved one’s passing.  The screams were like nothing I have ever heard before…and hope to never hear again.

What if that was me in the minivan? What if out of no where my body goes crazy?  One minute I would be ordering food and the next I would be dead in the parking lot!

Those screams could have been from Momma and my family, and Ace could be the one left without a Dad.

I’m taking nothing for granted anymore…and staying away from fast food…