Rocks and Shit

We spent the weekend in my home town at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  Riding the 4-Wheeler, lying by the pool, going swimming, and doing a little bit of partying on Saturday night.

Ace, however spent the weekend sharpening his speech skills and getting lessons from some of the best out there… 😀

Aunt Amber and Aunt Amy taught him some silly Frog song and he spent the weekend running around saying “mmmmm-eckkkkk  mmmmm-eckkkkk  mmmmm-eckkkkk-eckkkkk “.  Don’t ask me… 😀

Aunt Amy also thought it would be just darling for him to start his flirt training.  She successfully got him to say “Hey Gurrrl!”  to a few of his potential future mates.  You better watch out girls!  😀

Grandpa pulled in the driveway in his old truck, but Ace could not see him.  Ace looked to the sky and said “Hewicoptur!”.  I think he is indirectly telling you it is time for a new muffler Gramps.  😀

And last but not least, Ace was walking barefoot across the patio when someone noticed he was not putting weight on the heel of his foot.  Everyone thought he may have stepped on something sharp.  So, I picked up his foot and brushed off a bunch of dirt and rocks.  I announced to the peanut gallery that it was just some “Rocks and Shit”.  And of course, Ace proceeded to copy my excellent English lingo and announce by himself that it was just a bunch of “Rocks and Shit!”, “Rocks and Shit!”, “Rocks and Shit!”

Can’t Bose make some curse word canceling headphones?  I mean hell they make the noise canceling ones!  😀

Two Birds and an Egg…

Momma went to Grandma’s house today to get ready for Ace’s big birthday party tomorrow, so it was a guys house today.  Me and Ace doing what guys do best…a whole lotta nothing.  😀

Nah, we did more than nothing.  We spent most of the afternoon outside swinging on the swingset, throwing the ball, and playing in the sandbox.  We went for a walk and watched the birds sing back by the creek.  It was a great Dad/Son boding day…

After dinner I gave Ace a bath and then started to read him a story before bedtime.  The book was about two birds that found an egg in their nest…it was not their egg, but they decided to sit on it anyways.

About three pages into the book Ace got up off my lap and ran over and started playing with one of his toys.  Yup, the book was soooo exciting that even a two year old lost interest after three pages…

But guess who kept on reading…to himself.  You guessed it.  I found myself so mystified by what actually might be in that egg that I kept reading the book to myself…out loud and all energetic like I was reading to Ace.

As I flipped through the pages of the book in suspense of what was in the egg I thought to myself…”Why the hell are you still reading this?”…but, I couldn’t stop.

Maybe it’s an overdose of Moose and Zee, the Backyardigans, Dora, and Pinky Dinky Doo that have brought my judgment on what is entertaining to an all time low.   You ever found yourself excited when Wonder Pets comes on the TV so that you can sing along with the song?  Please say yes… 😀

Locked Down and Locked Out

For the past couple of months we have had to keep our doors locked.  Not to keep the bad guys out, but to keep the little guy in.  😀

Ace, you see,  is a master escape artist.  It never happens when Momma or I are in the room.  He is sneaky.  We could be in the kitchen, or in the basement…anywhere but in sight of the front door…and Ace will make his move.  He reaches up, pulls down on the door handle, and out the door he goes.

Now, he doesn’t get very far.  First of all, because our door squeaks when it is opened.  As soon as one of us hear the squeaky door we know something is up and bee-line it for the door.  He would have to be fast to get away, and he is, but he has a few obstacles in his way.

The step out of our front door is a wee bit longer than his legs.  He can make it out, but it takes a little bit…or else he falls after a failed attempt.

The second obstacle is the step from the stoop to the sidewalk.  This is even higher than the first obstacle.  I kind of think of these steps as a razor-wire fence that keeps in the prisoners.  However, Ace has no fear and will stop at nothing to scale our prison fences.

Luckily we have not had the little guy get too far yet because we do usually keep the door locked.  Every time we come inside the dead bolt gets thrown.  Ace is very observant and I’m sure he has seen this done thousands of times.

On Christmas Eve, I was at work, and Momma was home with Ace.  She went outside to get something out of her truck and when she went to go back into the house the deadbolt was locked, and standing just behind the smoky glass was Ace…with a shit eating grin I might add.  Momma said he laughed histarically as she fumbled trying to get into the door.   She tried to coax Ace into unlocking the door, but to no avail.

Of course Momma’s keys were inside…and we do not have a spare hidden away outside somewhere for emergencies like this.  Our spare key is at Grandma S’s house.  But, Momma’s cell phone was inside too.

So she went over to the neighbors to call Grandma S.  She was at work.  All of Ace’s uncles were not home either, so she had no spare.

Momma checked all of the down stairs windows, but they were locked.  We used to keep one unlocked for emergencies like this, but we recently had someone break in the house through a window…so they are all locked now.  😀

By now Ace is screaming his head off because he is stuck inside and Momma is stuck outside.  So, Momma starts looking for other ways to get inside and she notices the upstairs windows.

I have an extension ladder out back and so she grabs it, extends it, and luckily one of the upstairs windows were unlocked.  She dives in the window, and falls to the floor (creating some pretty nice size bruises on her legs, I might add), and runs downstairs to rescue her little man from his own demise.

So, you would think that we have learned a lesson and put a spare key outside?  Nope.  I had a few spares made and they are sitting on the dining room table…cause we usually lock ourselves in the dining room, right?  😀

Crack Is Whack!

This weekend we took Ace and his cousin Olivia to Circle S Farms. You enter through a pathway with corn stalk walls and are greeted by a couple teen age girls who collect your money, and then you proceed to some cool farm-like activities for kids to do.

Circle S Farms - Sign

Circle S Farms - Sign

They had live animals, goats and chickens, for the kids to look at.  They had a playground made of straw bails where kids could climb and slide down.  They had tractors and bug pumpkins to look at and sit on, and also a hay ride that took you out to pick your very own pumpkin!!

Circle S Farms - Goats

Circle S Farms - Goats

Circle S Farms - Chickens

Circle S Farms - Chickens

And then they had the scare crow maze.  It was a maze made from straw bails that was designed, I’m pretty sure, for torturing parents.  The maze was about 3 ft tall and it had a wood slat fence on the top.  So, it was tall enough where kids could run wild inside there, but parents were stuck crawling, duck walking, waddling, or whatever form of propulsion they could come up with while hunched over…

Ace wouldn’t go in the maze, so I took his cousin Olivia inside.  There she goes at a full sprint around the first corner.  I had lost her in the first 20 seconds.

So I keep wallering through this parent torture device.  I was moving as fast as I could trying to find Olivia because I just knew at some point she would get scared and want out, but wouldn’t be able to find her way.  I speedily rounded one corner and was greeted by something that I had least expected to find…

CRACK!  and lots of it!

There was a Mom crawling in front of me wearing low rise jeans…that were riding, well, WAY TOO LOW!  I swore I stopped fast enough for my hands and knees to make a screeching sound in the loose straw!

I stopped inches away from taking a face plant into the recently discovered revene…but far enough away to not smell the flowers. 😀

I was startled, to say the least, and couldn’t help but watch as the landscape I had almost became intimately familiar with bounced it’s way around the next corner.

I put myself back together, gathered my senses, and continued my way through the parent trap to eventually find Olivia waiting for me outside…ready to move on to the next “attraction”.

And now I know why the say, “Crack Is Whack!”

And to help you remove the image of my face inches away from a three quarter exposed bum…I’ll leave you with a few pics from the crack free portion of our day at Circle S Farms

Circle S Farms - Us

Circle S Farms - On The Hay Ride Blinded By The Sun (Ace was the only smart one who wouldn't look directly into the sun to get his picture taken.) 😀

Circle S Farms - Pumpkin

Circle S Farms - Pumpkin

Circle S Farms - Ace

Circle S Farms - Ace

Circle S Farms - Dad & Ace

Circle S Farms - Dad & Ace

I Wasn’t Invited

Remember the good ole’ days?  The ones where you lived for today.  Your biggest worry was figuring out who was having a party this weekend, and who was going to buy you some alcohol because you were underage!  Remember those days?

If you remember those days you probably remember (or maybe you don’t due to your condition) a few nights where you prayed to the Porcelain God.  Remember that?  Remember putting your face where you usually put your rear end?  Remember giving it everything you had, and then some, and asking the Porcelain God to please make it stop and promising yourself that you would never do it again?

Remember how good the cold bathroom floor felt on your face as you lie there with your pants unbuttoned and probably down around you knees dreading you next worship session?

Well, I forgot about those days until I saw this picture that Momma took of Ace.  Looks like I was not invited to the party…  😀

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Ace Passed Out On The Bathroom Floor

Ace Passed Out On The Bathroom Floor

Ace Passed Out On The Bathroom Floor

Ace Passed Out On The Bathroom Floor