Ace has tons of toys and spends the majority of his day playing with them. I left the room for a second and when I came back in I couldn’t find Ace.
After a few seconds I spotted the little booger. All those toys make for a great kid camouflage… 😀
Flashing Lights and Spinning Rooms
I wasn’t around this weekend to do any blog hoppin’, as most of you probably noticed. It was time for a Mom and Dad night out on Saturday. It’s been awhile since we were able to go out and “let it all hang out”!
Saturday, my Mom, volunteered to watch Ace while Momma and I went out with my brother and some friends.
Photo By: pingnews.com
On the way to my Mom’s house I got pulled over (again) for speeding. Ever since I got pulled over in October I have been very careful with my speed. I rarely go more than 5 MPH over the speed limit.
I was driving through a small town called Mechanicsburg. I turned down a side street that leads out of town towards my Mom’s house. I knew that this road was 25 MPH for a long ways. There are no houses there, but there is a park on one side of the road. After you pass the park the speed limit goes up to 55 MPH.
I wasn’t paying attention to my speed and was just driving, talking to Momma, and accelerating up to 55 MPH. When I popped over the small hill just before the 55 MPH speed limit sign and came into view of Mr. Officer, I was already doing 54 MPH (according to Mr. Officer’s radar). 😀
The next few minutes were filled with flashing lights, me digging through my center console and the glove box looking for my registration and insurance card, me stuttering trying to explain that I don’t have an insurance card but do have insurance, and then just sitting there wondering how bad of a fine/punishment I was going to receive while Mr. Officer was running my plates and driver’s license.
To make a long story short… Mr. Officer was exceptionally nice to me. If he would have marked my speed as 55 MPH I would have been charged with Reckless Operation (big fine). Since this was my 2nd ticket in 6 months the fine automatically goes up as well. He said that he could have easily given me a $450 ticket. But being the nice guy that he was (and since I was from out of town and just passing through) he gave me a $150 ticket. I got off easy!
Photo By: llimllibWell, I didn’t let this little mishap spoil our fun times. We finally dropped off Ace at Grandma’s and made our way to the bar. Momma didn’t feel like drinking so she was DD. My brother and I drank quite a bit. We started at Winger’s. When it got boring we moved to the 68 Lounge and closed it down. Then we moved onto The Fountain and closed it down too. I don’t remember a whole lot about the night other than it felt good to let loose… 😀
We got home at 4 AM and felt like crap the next day, but it was all worth it.
No Smoking Update: Well, I did good until the weekend. I’ll write a post about it in the next few days.
Ace Update: He’s starting to walk. Usually just a few steps at a time, but today he did 18 steps. I’m going to try to get a video to post here because he is so funny when he walks. 🙂
RSS Overdose
My RSS Feed Reader has grown to a monstrous size. Sometimes it’s hard to keep up with every single post from every blog that I like.
So I have recruited some help…
A Slickery Nipurbula Please
Momma makes fun of me all the time because I make up a lot of words. Ace, being the sponge he is, will most likely hear me say something totally off the wall and think it is normal…and repeat it.
So, I feel it is my duty, as Ace’s Dad, to educate the public with definitions of the terms that Ace will be using. Hopefully then, someone out there will have a clue about what he is talking about in the future.
Nookin’ – Ever heard someone say they are nic’n? When they are in desperate need of some nicotine, the term “nic-ing” is common. So what about when you are in some desperate need of some nookie? Wouldn’t you be nookin’? Being a male who’s sole existence is fueled on testosterone, I find myself nookin’ quite regularly. 🙂 WARNING: Never say, “Dear, I’m nookin’. Wanna go upstairs?” Doesn’t work. Trust me. I’ve tried this method multiple times and have been shut down every single time. 😀
Plogged – This is a combination of being plugged and clogged. For example, when I have a cold, my nose gets “plogged”. The shower drain gets plogged with hair sometimes. The toilet gets plogged with too much TP from time to time. Plogged. It’s a great word that Webster forgot to mention in his book.
Slickery – Slickery is another combination of two words. Slick and slippery. When it snows then sidewalks get slickery. Slickery when wet!
Pantons – Feminine hygiene is one topic I try to stay out of. But it never fails…that time of the month rolls around and there are no feminine hygiene products in the house, even though I bought the super jumbo pack last month. Shiznits! Off again I go to the store to buy some Pantons. I can’t even bring myself to type the word! You know the things with an applicator…a string…the million wrappers in the bathroom trashcan. Those things are what I am talking about. Pantons!
Panshoo – I have no idea how this word came about. Panshoo comes in a bottle. I prefer the $0.89 per bottle kind. Momma prefers the $40 per bottle kind. There are probably 154 different bottles of panshoo sitting in our shower at the moment. One is mine. Momma has 153. Can you guess what it is? ….. Shampoo! (I know I’m a weirdo, you don’t have to tell me.)
Nipurbulas – It’s a body part. Everyone has two of them. Some are big. Some are small. Some are dark, and some are almost invisible. On guys they don’t have much practical use other than keeping us from looking funny when we take off our shirts. Figure it out yet? Nips! Nipples! Nipurbulas!
Watoosie – A watoosie tends to follow you every where you go. You sit on it. Women always ask if their pants make it look big. Got it yet? Rear end…bum…butt…watoosie!
So…next time you go to the bar…order a slickery nipurbula and see if they know what you are talking about. 😀
Humanality
Remember, a while back when I wrote about the Gang Rivalry in my house between the kid and the dog?
Well, we have got the violence to stop, but now we have another dilemma… The dog likes Ace a little too much!
See, Buddy, the dog, is a small dog who weighs about 25-30 lbs. Ace weighs about 19 lbs. They are very close to the same physical size.
Ace has become more mobile and has been crawling for some time now. He spends a lot of time on all fours…just like the dog.
I noticed one day that Buddy was getting along with Ace really well. He kept licking the back of Ace’s neck, licking his ears. Ace didn’t seem to care, but was confused about what was happening and soaked with dog slobber. It was kinda cute and a nice change of pace from the growling. I thought it was harmless.
A few minutes later the unimaginable happened…humanality!
What is humanality you ask? Ever heard the term bestiality? That is where a human is sexually interested in an animal. Humanality is my word for where an animal is attracted to a human.
You pictured it right…Buddy full on mounted Ace. A swift hand (mine) separated the two. Buddy has been known to have many girlfriends of the stuffed animal variety, but never a human being.
Looks like Buddy will be getting a new stuffed animal girlfriend for Christmas. Hopefully that distracts him from his attraction to Ace…at least until Ace can walk and defend himself. 😀