Rocks and Shit

We spent the weekend in my home town at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  Riding the 4-Wheeler, lying by the pool, going swimming, and doing a little bit of partying on Saturday night.

Ace, however spent the weekend sharpening his speech skills and getting lessons from some of the best out there… 😀

Aunt Amber and Aunt Amy taught him some silly Frog song and he spent the weekend running around saying “mmmmm-eckkkkk  mmmmm-eckkkkk  mmmmm-eckkkkk-eckkkkk “.  Don’t ask me… 😀

Aunt Amy also thought it would be just darling for him to start his flirt training.  She successfully got him to say “Hey Gurrrl!”  to a few of his potential future mates.  You better watch out girls!  😀

Grandpa pulled in the driveway in his old truck, but Ace could not see him.  Ace looked to the sky and said “Hewicoptur!”.  I think he is indirectly telling you it is time for a new muffler Gramps.  😀

And last but not least, Ace was walking barefoot across the patio when someone noticed he was not putting weight on the heel of his foot.  Everyone thought he may have stepped on something sharp.  So, I picked up his foot and brushed off a bunch of dirt and rocks.  I announced to the peanut gallery that it was just some “Rocks and Shit”.  And of course, Ace proceeded to copy my excellent English lingo and announce by himself that it was just a bunch of “Rocks and Shit!”, “Rocks and Shit!”, “Rocks and Shit!”

Can’t Bose make some curse word canceling headphones?  I mean hell they make the noise canceling ones!  😀

Why We Get Along So Well…

I Like The Skins...and Ace Doesn'tI Like The Skins…and Ace Doesn’t

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What Goes Crunch, Crunch, Crunch In The Dark?

Wednesday night we had a really bad storm come through town.  I was driving home from work and had to literally stop on the freeway due to zero visibility with my wipers on hyper speed.  The wind gusts were downright mindshattering.  I was driving my truck (which doubles as a wind sail during storms due to it’s large side profile) and could actally feel the truck lift up when the wind was hitting me head on.  The news said we had near 70 MPH wind gusts!

Anyways, I made it home without blowing away.  I was waiting for one of two things to happen…  the tree in front of our house to fall on our roof, …or the power to go out.  One of the two was inevitable…

So, in the mean time I cooked dinner (Momma was not feeling well).  I made Taco Salad, but I forgot to buy the Taco Seasoning on the way home from work.  So I made the taco salad without the seasoning.  So really it was hamburger and chili bean salad…tasted about as good as it sounds. 😆

I set up Ace’s chair in the living room and gave Ace a plate with some hamburger and beans, but he would have nothing to do with it.  I don’t blame him…it was gross, but I could not let a whole pound of hamburger go to waste, so I ate it anyways. 🙂

I gave Ace a handful of potato chips to keep him busy until I could get back with ole’ faithful…a hot dog.  This kid is going to turn into a hot dog if we are not careful. 😀

Of course all the hot dogs were frozen, so I put one on the microwave for two minutes to thaw and cook it real quick.  The microwave beeped when it was done, and I pressed the button to open the microwave door….

DARKNESS!

All the power in our house went out.  My first thought was “Where the hell is Ace?”  I could just see him getting scared, running to find me, and falling and hurting himself on the corner of some piece of furniture.   “He is probably freaking out right about now!”,  I think to myself.  Then I remembered he was strapped into his chair. 

 So I start making my way into the living room, tripping over toys and cussing under my breath the whole way. 😆

I get to the living room and can not remember where I set up his chair.  Was it on the left or right side of the couch?  Remember it was pitch black.   I could not see anything. 

I called Ace’s name, but he did not make a peep.  So I start slowly making my way through the living room with my arms outstretched feeling for his chair, head, arms, whatever.  And then I hear it…

“Crunch, crunch, crunch.”

“What the hell is that?” I say to myself.

“Crunch, crunch, crunch.”

I make my way towards the noise and find Ace sitting there in the pitch black room, strapped to his chair, still enjoying his potato chips…just crunching away like nothing ever happened.

Paranoid Dad much?  😳

The Blanky – 10 Magical Powers

The blanky is a magical parenting tool.  It is THE cure-all of all cure-alls.  Why is a blanky such a magical thing?  It can do almost everything…

  1. The Blanky can make the pain from all boo-boos vanish!
  2. The Blanky can absorb those tears just like it absorbs the pain.
  3. The Blanky is a makeshift pillow for unexpected nap times
  4. The Blanky will keep you warm when it gets a bit chilly
  5. The Blanky will give you the ability to fly when tied around your neck like a cape!
  6. The Blanky is the perfect for hiding behind during games of peek-a-boo.
  7. The Blanky seconds as a teething device when no teething devices are on hand.
  8. The Blanky will soften your fall when you use it as a parachute when jumping down the stairs.
  9. The Blanky will make you drive all the way back to Grandma’s house because it is impossible to sleep without it.
  10. The Blanky can do all of these magical things, no matter how many mud puddles it got drug through, no matter how much slobber it has absorbed, no matter how much puke/milk/mashed potatoes are crusted on it, and no matter how bad the friggin’ thing smells.  😀

So do your children have something “magical”?  Share in the comments…

Locked Down and Locked Out

For the past couple of months we have had to keep our doors locked.  Not to keep the bad guys out, but to keep the little guy in.  😀

Ace, you see,  is a master escape artist.  It never happens when Momma or I are in the room.  He is sneaky.  We could be in the kitchen, or in the basement…anywhere but in sight of the front door…and Ace will make his move.  He reaches up, pulls down on the door handle, and out the door he goes.

Now, he doesn’t get very far.  First of all, because our door squeaks when it is opened.  As soon as one of us hear the squeaky door we know something is up and bee-line it for the door.  He would have to be fast to get away, and he is, but he has a few obstacles in his way.

The step out of our front door is a wee bit longer than his legs.  He can make it out, but it takes a little bit…or else he falls after a failed attempt.

The second obstacle is the step from the stoop to the sidewalk.  This is even higher than the first obstacle.  I kind of think of these steps as a razor-wire fence that keeps in the prisoners.  However, Ace has no fear and will stop at nothing to scale our prison fences.

Luckily we have not had the little guy get too far yet because we do usually keep the door locked.  Every time we come inside the dead bolt gets thrown.  Ace is very observant and I’m sure he has seen this done thousands of times.

On Christmas Eve, I was at work, and Momma was home with Ace.  She went outside to get something out of her truck and when she went to go back into the house the deadbolt was locked, and standing just behind the smoky glass was Ace…with a shit eating grin I might add.  Momma said he laughed histarically as she fumbled trying to get into the door.   She tried to coax Ace into unlocking the door, but to no avail.

Of course Momma’s keys were inside…and we do not have a spare hidden away outside somewhere for emergencies like this.  Our spare key is at Grandma S’s house.  But, Momma’s cell phone was inside too.

So she went over to the neighbors to call Grandma S.  She was at work.  All of Ace’s uncles were not home either, so she had no spare.

Momma checked all of the down stairs windows, but they were locked.  We used to keep one unlocked for emergencies like this, but we recently had someone break in the house through a window…so they are all locked now.  😀

By now Ace is screaming his head off because he is stuck inside and Momma is stuck outside.  So, Momma starts looking for other ways to get inside and she notices the upstairs windows.

I have an extension ladder out back and so she grabs it, extends it, and luckily one of the upstairs windows were unlocked.  She dives in the window, and falls to the floor (creating some pretty nice size bruises on her legs, I might add), and runs downstairs to rescue her little man from his own demise.

So, you would think that we have learned a lesson and put a spare key outside?  Nope.  I had a few spares made and they are sitting on the dining room table…cause we usually lock ourselves in the dining room, right?  😀