Rocks and Shit

We spent the weekend in my home town at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  Riding the 4-Wheeler, lying by the pool, going swimming, and doing a little bit of partying on Saturday night.

Ace, however spent the weekend sharpening his speech skills and getting lessons from some of the best out there… :D

Aunt Amber and Aunt Amy taught him some silly Frog song and he spent the weekend running around saying “mmmmm-eckkkkk  mmmmm-eckkkkk  mmmmm-eckkkkk-eckkkkk “.  Don’t ask me… :D

Aunt Amy also thought it would be just darling for him to start his flirt training.  She successfully got him to say “Hey Gurrrl!”  to a few of his potential future mates.  You better watch out girls!  :D

Grandpa pulled in the driveway in his old truck, but Ace could not see him.  Ace looked to the sky and said “Hewicoptur!”.  I think he is indirectly telling you it is time for a new muffler Gramps.  :D

And last but not least, Ace was walking barefoot across the patio when someone noticed he was not putting weight on the heel of his foot.  Everyone thought he may have stepped on something sharp.  So, I picked up his foot and brushed off a bunch of dirt and rocks.  I announced to the peanut gallery that it was just some “Rocks and Shit”.  And of course, Ace proceeded to copy my excellent English lingo and announce by himself that it was just a bunch of “Rocks and Shit!”, “Rocks and Shit!”, “Rocks and Shit!”

Can’t Bose make some curse word canceling headphones?  I mean hell they make the noise canceling ones!  :D

Why We Get Along So Well…

I Like The Skins...and Ace Doesn'tI Like The Skins…and Ace Doesn’t

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What Goes Crunch, Crunch, Crunch In The Dark?

Wednesday night we had a really bad storm come through town.  I was driving home from work and had to literally stop on the freeway due to zero visibility with my wipers on hyper speed.  The wind gusts were downright mindshattering.  I was driving my truck (which doubles as a wind sail during storms due to it’s large side profile) and could actally feel the truck lift up when the wind was hitting me head on.  The news said we had near 70 MPH wind gusts!

Anyways, I made it home without blowing away.  I was waiting for one of two things to happen…  the tree in front of our house to fall on our roof, …or the power to go out.  One of the two was inevitable…

So, in the mean time I cooked dinner (Momma was not feeling well).  I made Taco Salad, but I forgot to buy the Taco Seasoning on the way home from work.  So I made the taco salad without the seasoning.  So really it was hamburger and chili bean salad…tasted about as good as it sounds. :lol:

I set up Ace’s chair in the living room and gave Ace a plate with some hamburger and beans, but he would have nothing to do with it.  I don’t blame him…it was gross, but I could not let a whole pound of hamburger go to waste, so I ate it anyways. :smile:

I gave Ace a handful of potato chips to keep him busy until I could get back with ole’ faithful…a hot dog.  This kid is going to turn into a hot dog if we are not careful. :grin:

Of course all the hot dogs were frozen, so I put one on the microwave for two minutes to thaw and cook it real quick.  The microwave beeped when it was done, and I pressed the button to open the microwave door….

DARKNESS!

All the power in our house went out.  My first thought was “Where the hell is Ace?”  I could just see him getting scared, running to find me, and falling and hurting himself on the corner of some piece of furniture.   “He is probably freaking out right about now!”,  I think to myself.  Then I remembered he was strapped into his chair. 

 So I start making my way into the living room, tripping over toys and cussing under my breath the whole way. :lol:

I get to the living room and can not remember where I set up his chair.  Was it on the left or right side of the couch?  Remember it was pitch black.   I could not see anything. 

I called Ace’s name, but he did not make a peep.  So I start slowly making my way through the living room with my arms outstretched feeling for his chair, head, arms, whatever.  And then I hear it…

“Crunch, crunch, crunch.”

“What the hell is that?” I say to myself.

“Crunch, crunch, crunch.”

I make my way towards the noise and find Ace sitting there in the pitch black room, strapped to his chair, still enjoying his potato chips…just crunching away like nothing ever happened.

Paranoid Dad much?  :oops:

The Blanky – 10 Magical Powers

The blanky is a magical parenting tool.  It is THE cure-all of all cure-alls.  Why is a blanky such a magical thing?  It can do almost everything…

  1. The Blanky can make the pain from all boo-boos vanish!
  2. The Blanky can absorb those tears just like it absorbs the pain.
  3. The Blanky is a makeshift pillow for unexpected nap times
  4. The Blanky will keep you warm when it gets a bit chilly
  5. The Blanky will give you the ability to fly when tied around your neck like a cape!
  6. The Blanky is the perfect for hiding behind during games of peek-a-boo.
  7. The Blanky seconds as a teething device when no teething devices are on hand.
  8. The Blanky will soften your fall when you use it as a parachute when jumping down the stairs.
  9. The Blanky will make you drive all the way back to Grandma’s house because it is impossible to sleep without it.
  10. The Blanky can do all of these magical things, no matter how many mud puddles it got drug through, no matter how much slobber it has absorbed, no matter how much puke/milk/mashed potatoes are crusted on it, and no matter how bad the friggin’ thing smells.  :D

So do your children have something “magical”?  Share in the comments…

Locked Down and Locked Out

For the past couple of months we have had to keep our doors locked.  Not to keep the bad guys out, but to keep the little guy in.  :D

Ace, you see,  is a master escape artist.  It never happens when Momma or I are in the room.  He is sneaky.  We could be in the kitchen, or in the basement…anywhere but in sight of the front door…and Ace will make his move.  He reaches up, pulls down on the door handle, and out the door he goes.

Now, he doesn’t get very far.  First of all, because our door squeaks when it is opened.  As soon as one of us hear the squeaky door we know something is up and bee-line it for the door.  He would have to be fast to get away, and he is, but he has a few obstacles in his way.

The step out of our front door is a wee bit longer than his legs.  He can make it out, but it takes a little bit…or else he falls after a failed attempt.

The second obstacle is the step from the stoop to the sidewalk.  This is even higher than the first obstacle.  I kind of think of these steps as a razor-wire fence that keeps in the prisoners.  However, Ace has no fear and will stop at nothing to scale our prison fences.

Luckily we have not had the little guy get too far yet because we do usually keep the door locked.  Every time we come inside the dead bolt gets thrown.  Ace is very observant and I’m sure he has seen this done thousands of times.

On Christmas Eve, I was at work, and Momma was home with Ace.  She went outside to get something out of her truck and when she went to go back into the house the deadbolt was locked, and standing just behind the smoky glass was Ace…with a shit eating grin I might add.  Momma said he laughed histarically as she fumbled trying to get into the door.   She tried to coax Ace into unlocking the door, but to no avail.

Of course Momma’s keys were inside…and we do not have a spare hidden away outside somewhere for emergencies like this.  Our spare key is at Grandma S’s house.  But, Momma’s cell phone was inside too.

So she went over to the neighbors to call Grandma S.  She was at work.  All of Ace’s uncles were not home either, so she had no spare.

Momma checked all of the down stairs windows, but they were locked.  We used to keep one unlocked for emergencies like this, but we recently had someone break in the house through a window…so they are all locked now.  :D

By now Ace is screaming his head off because he is stuck inside and Momma is stuck outside.  So, Momma starts looking for other ways to get inside and she notices the upstairs windows.

I have an extension ladder out back and so she grabs it, extends it, and luckily one of the upstairs windows were unlocked.  She dives in the window, and falls to the floor (creating some pretty nice size bruises on her legs, I might add), and runs downstairs to rescue her little man from his own demise.

So, you would think that we have learned a lesson and put a spare key outside?  Nope.  I had a few spares made and they are sitting on the dining room table…cause we usually lock ourselves in the dining room, right?  :D

The Newest Family Member

I should have made this announcement earlier, but wasn’t real sure if the newest family member was just a phase…or the real thing.  But it looks like Teddy is here to stay…

Teddy is the newest addition to our family.

Teddy is the newest addition to our family.

Ace made Teddy at Build-A-Bear, and I’m betting Ace would consider Teddy to be his best friend.  Ace goes no where without his newest companion!

Ace likes Teddy to be nekkid.  If you have ever been to Build-A-Bear you would know that once you build your bear, you have all sorts of options for clothing…underwear, pants, shoes, shirts, hats, and all sorts of other accessories.

When Momma tried putting clothes on Teddy at the Build-A-Bear store Ace went nuts!  So Teddy is nekkid.  Also, once when Ace had a bad diaper rash and refused to put a diaper back on after Momma took one off, she put a diaper on Teddy to try and convince Ace that even his best friend wears a diaper.  Ace wasn’t having it and cried until Momma took it off.  Teddy is not to be wearing a diaper!!! :D

Teddy also gets most of Ace’s kisses.  Ace will give Teddy a big hug and kiss him on the nose.   It’s a crowd pleaser almost everywhere we go.  I’ll have to post a video.  It is just too cute.  :D

Teddy has only been around a few months, but Ace has put him through the ringer a time or two.  He has been dragged on almost every dirty surface known to man.  His nose is always saturated with saliva, and he has been puked on numerous times…including last night.

Teddy doesn’t complain.  He doesn’t cry.  He’s just happy to be sitting in Ace’s lap in the carseat or in Ace’s arms at night to go to sleep.

Welcome to our family Teddy!  It looks like you are going to be around for awhile!  :D

Crack Is Whack!

This weekend we took Ace and his cousin Olivia to Circle S Farms. You enter through a pathway with corn stalk walls and are greeted by a couple teen age girls who collect your money, and then you proceed to some cool farm-like activities for kids to do.

Circle S Farms - Sign

Circle S Farms - Sign

They had live animals, goats and chickens, for the kids to look at.  They had a playground made of straw bails where kids could climb and slide down.  They had tractors and bug pumpkins to look at and sit on, and also a hay ride that took you out to pick your very own pumpkin!!

Circle S Farms - Goats

Circle S Farms - Goats

Circle S Farms - Chickens

Circle S Farms - Chickens

And then they had the scare crow maze.  It was a maze made from straw bails that was designed, I’m pretty sure, for torturing parents.  The maze was about 3 ft tall and it had a wood slat fence on the top.  So, it was tall enough where kids could run wild inside there, but parents were stuck crawling, duck walking, waddling, or whatever form of propulsion they could come up with while hunched over…

Ace wouldn’t go in the maze, so I took his cousin Olivia inside.  There she goes at a full sprint around the first corner.  I had lost her in the first 20 seconds.

So I keep wallering through this parent torture device.  I was moving as fast as I could trying to find Olivia because I just knew at some point she would get scared and want out, but wouldn’t be able to find her way.  I speedily rounded one corner and was greeted by something that I had least expected to find…

CRACK!  and lots of it!

There was a Mom crawling in front of me wearing low rise jeans…that were riding, well, WAY TOO LOW!  I swore I stopped fast enough for my hands and knees to make a screeching sound in the loose straw!

I stopped inches away from taking a face plant into the recently discovered revene…but far enough away to not smell the flowers. :D

I was startled, to say the least, and couldn’t help but watch as the landscape I had almost became intimately familiar with bounced it’s way around the next corner.

I put myself back together, gathered my senses, and continued my way through the parent trap to eventually find Olivia waiting for me outside…ready to move on to the next “attraction”.

And now I know why the say, “Crack Is Whack!”

And to help you remove the image of my face inches away from a three quarter exposed bum…I’ll leave you with a few pics from the crack free portion of our day at Circle S Farms

Circle S Farms - Us

Circle S Farms - On The Hay Ride Blinded By The Sun (Ace was the only smart one who wouldn't look directly into the sun to get his picture taken.) :D

Circle S Farms - Pumpkin

Circle S Farms - Pumpkin

Circle S Farms - Ace

Circle S Farms - Ace

Circle S Farms - Dad & Ace

Circle S Farms - Dad & Ace

I Wasn’t Invited

Remember the good ole’ days?  The ones where you lived for today.  Your biggest worry was figuring out who was having a party this weekend, and who was going to buy you some alcohol because you were underage!  Remember those days?

If you remember those days you probably remember (or maybe you don’t due to your condition) a few nights where you prayed to the Porcelain God.  Remember that?  Remember putting your face where you usually put your rear end?  Remember giving it everything you had, and then some, and asking the Porcelain God to please make it stop and promising yourself that you would never do it again?

Remember how good the cold bathroom floor felt on your face as you lie there with your pants unbuttoned and probably down around you knees dreading you next worship session?

Well, I forgot about those days until I saw this picture that Momma took of Ace.  Looks like I was not invited to the party…  :D

`

Ace Passed Out On The Bathroom Floor

Ace Passed Out On The Bathroom Floor

Ace Passed Out On The Bathroom Floor

Ace Passed Out On The Bathroom Floor

BEWARE! Swimming Children Have Super Powers!

Remember when you were a kid and loved going swimming?  Did you have a favorite game that you played in the pool?  Did you ever imagine you had super powers?

I always imagined that i had some kind of underwater jet pack that propelled me through the water at high speeds.

If you could pick a super power to have in the pool, what would it be?

If you wished you could shoot “heat rays” from your eyes like Superman does, you should come swim in our pool.  Apparently swimming in our pool causes just this phenomenom.

If a swimming kid places both palms upwards and stares at their parent, a beam will shoot from their eyes and zap their parent right in the face!  Seriously!

Take a look at the picture I took of the warning on the side of our pool…  :lol:

BEWARE! Swimming Kids Have Super Powers
BEWARE! Swimming Kids Have Super Powers

Uncle JoJo, What Is That?

I am jealous of most of the other Mom and Dad bloggers. Why? Their kids talk. Their kids say the funniest things…which makes for some great blogging material.

Since Ace does not talk yet, I rely on pictures, videos, and the cuteness factor!

However, I was hangin’ out with my three year old niece, Olivia, the other day when she said something to me that rang the “I gotta write a post about this” bell. Let’s call it good practice for when Ace starts talking…

Olivia On Sit and SpinOlivia: Uncle JoJo, what is this on your arm? (Petting my arm)

Me: What? Where?

Olivia: Right here… (gently tugging on my arm hair)

Me: That’s hair!

Olivia: Where did it come from?

Me: (Trying to think of an answer a 3 year old would understand, I resorted to…) I don’t know.

Olivia: I know where it came from!

Me: Really? Where?

Olivia: The top of your head!

Nothing makes you feel like a crippled old man like having a three year old let you know that you are going bald!

At least she patted me on the top of my old bald head to make me feel better afterwards. :D

5 Things That Will Make You Go, Hmmm?

  1. Cheese puffs are good.  Cheese puffs are so good that Ace will eat them until there are none left.  So many, in fact, that his fingers are permanently discolored, and his digestive system shuts down.  I’m talking orange polka-dotted-poop here folks…
  2. The dog has bad breath…really bad breath.  Almost smells as bad as his silent but deadlies.  And he loooves to lick your face.  :| So, we got him the dog food that is supposed to clean his teeth when he eats it.  It works.  Kinda.  However, Ace likes dog food.  He eats it.  All the time.  Do we still need to brush Ace’s teeth?  I mean, I wouldn’t want to over do it…ya know!
  3. Baby dolls are for girls.  Ace is a boy.  He likes baby dolls.  Not in the carry them around, feed them, burp them fashion.  More like the poke thier eyes out and lick their face while holding them down on the floor fashion.  Should I be concerned?
  4. We have digital cable.  The kind you can pause and rewind.  Ace likes to play with the remote.  A LOT!  Ace puts it on Slooooowww Moootiooon all the time.  Is he telling us that he thinks we are slow?  We can’t keep up? Is it really that obvious?
  5. Shiny, streak free windows are good…to lick, according to Ace.  Is this glass licking fetish an early sign of “kid in the back of the short bus licking the window” syndrome?  God, I hope not.

In Other News:

Special thanks goes out to Jon D for awarding DadThing.com a Graco Monthly Nod (Notice the Graco button in the sidebar).  Check out the Graco Baby Blog for some good reading!

Cute As or Cuter?

Grandma and Grandpa S took Ace, Momma, and I to a Blue Jackets hockey game last night. It was Ace’s first time to any large event. He seemed to have a good time.

Momma was walking around the stadium with Ace in arms going to see the live animal display… (I have no idea why they had live animals at a hockey game???)… when a drunken lady came up and said…

“Your boy should be on the cover of a baby magazine! He is cute as shit!”

Now maybe I am little biased here because he is my son, but I don’t think he is just cute AS shit…he wins the cuteness competition hands down. Take a look and tell me if I am wrong…

poopPoop (actually clay) picture By misocrazy

You decide… :D