Well, I made it back from Baltimore on time! YAY! I arrived at the factory where I was doing the work at 11:00 and had the machine fixed and was out the door by 12:30. Caught a flight at 2:30 and was home by 4:00. I think I broke every land and air speed record known to man! Enough about work…let’s get to the fun stuff…

We got Ace dressed up in his skunk costume. Here are a few pictures from before our journey…

I was surprised that most people knew what he was. Honestly, just by looking at the costume, I wouldn’t have known. We were greeted by many people saying…

• “Oh, look at the little stinker!”
• “Oh that’s what I smelled!”
• “Oh, how cute! Look at the….lamb?”

However, since Ace doesn’t walk yet I carried him most of the way. We brought the stroller, but I just didn’t feel right standing in line with the little kids waiting on candy. When I would get up to the porch I would say “Trick-Or-Treat!” and then turn around and point towards the stroller on the sidewalk…”It’s for my boy.” I felt pretty stupid, so I sacrificed my arm muscles for candy. (Not to mention I was secretly showing him off to the neighborhood, as any proud Dad would do.) I decided that having my arms morph into limp slivers of Jello was well worth such a fun experience.

During the trek across town and back we saw many unique and unusual things…

1. The high school trick or treaters… If you are old enough to grow a mustache…you shouldn’t be begging for candy. Also, if you have to put your cigarette in your mouth so that you can hold your bag open…there’s a good chance you shouldn’t be out getting candy with the youngins. Just my opinion…
2. Second were the sluts-in-training…I mean improperly dressed pre-teen girls. Belly shirts, tube tops, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes, big hair, and too much makeup. Any Prostitute Momma or Pimp Daddy would be so proud! I can hear Pimp Daddy when the little girls got home….”Where’s my cut of the candy, hoe?”
3. Third was the miniature horse. That’s right! A miniature horse on a leash in the city! Somehow we got onto the subject of horse poop, and one of my friends said that horse poop is like dust. I’ve never seen a cloud of poop behind a horse, have you?
4. Fourth were the numerous pets in costume (no offense BusyDad)
5. Fifth would have to be the lame costumes. You can’t wear jeans and a hockey jersey and call yourself a hockey player! Where is you stick? Where is your helmet? Maybe some missing teeth?
6. Sixth would have to be the lack of costumes. One kid had no costume, but was saying, “I’m doing this for my younger brother. He is at football practice tonight and couldn’t go trick-or-treating, so I am getting some candy for him.” Please…we aint stupid! You would just be embarrassed to be seen by your 17 year old peers with a Power Rangers costume on, and you are too lazy to get a job to pay for your own candy!
7. Numero seven…The kids that are too lazy to walk from house to house! Seriously there were a couple vans with the sliding doors open. They would stop at one house, 5-6 hooligans would get out and get some candy, then they all got back in the van. The van would drive three houses down, and then they would do it all again! Are you gonna cry because you had to walk a whole block where no one was handing out candy? Where has the work ethic gone in this country? I understand they were being more efficient. Their HPH ratio (Houses Per Hour) probably far exceeded ours, but excessive efficiency, in my book, equals laziness…
8. The parents that drove their children from house to house! What great role models! I can hear it now…”I’ll drive you from house to house, but I’m going to need some of your candy to help offset the cost of gas. Deal?”
9. My favorite was the local bar that had the kids come inside and pick three items of candy off of a table. It just didn’t look right to see a line of kids entering “The Red Brick” for a treat. It was a good gesture and they had the best of intentions, but it just looked funny.

I have to quote something that my brother-in-law said at the end of the night as we were talking about all of the crazy things that we had seen… He said, “A person can be very smart, but people in general are dumb.” My question is…are people in general really dumb? Or is free candy just dumby bait? Or are people so intoxicated by the sugar rush that they left their inhibitions, morals, and values at home? Your guess is as good as mine…

All in all we had a great time…both enjoying Ace’s first Trick-Or-Treating experience, and also watching all of the inhabitants of this wonderful city.

As you probably know, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be going Trick-Or-Treating or not, so I didn’t put much thought into a costume for myself. At the last minute I came up with the following costume… Can you guess who I am?

I’m the ex-lobster panty specialist…Dorky Dad!

At the end of the night, after walking for about three hours, we were all tuckered out! Especially Ace…

Hope you all had a Happy Halloween! I sure did!