A Slickery Nipurbula Please

Momma makes fun of me all the time because I make up a lot of words. Ace, being the sponge he is, will most likely hear me say something totally off the wall and think it is normal…and repeat it.

So, I feel it is my duty, as Ace’s Dad, to educate the public with definitions of the terms that Ace will be using. Hopefully then, someone out there will have a clue about what he is talking about in the future.

Nookin’ – Ever heard someone say they are nic’n? When they are in desperate need of some nicotine, the term “nic-ing” is common. So what about when you are in some desperate need of some nookie? Wouldn’t you be nookin’? Being a male who’s sole existence is fueled on testosterone, I find myself nookin’ quite regularly. 🙂 WARNING: Never say, “Dear, I’m nookin’. Wanna go upstairs?” Doesn’t work. Trust me. I’ve tried this method multiple times and have been shut down every single time. 😀

Plogged – This is a combination of being plugged and clogged. For example, when I have a cold, my nose gets “plogged”. The shower drain gets plogged with hair sometimes. The toilet gets plogged with too much TP from time to time. Plogged. It’s a great word that Webster forgot to mention in his book.

Slickery – Slickery is another combination of two words. Slick and slippery. When it snows then sidewalks get slickery. Slickery when wet!

Pantons – Feminine hygiene is one topic I try to stay out of. But it never fails…that time of the month rolls around and there are no feminine hygiene products in the house, even though I bought the super jumbo pack last month. Shiznits! Off again I go to the store to buy some Pantons. I can’t even bring myself to type the word! You know the things with an applicator…a string…the million wrappers in the bathroom trashcan. Those things are what I am talking about. Pantons!

Panshoo – I have no idea how this word came about. Panshoo comes in a bottle. I prefer the $0.89 per bottle kind. Momma prefers the $40 per bottle kind. There are probably 154 different bottles of panshoo sitting in our shower at the moment. One is mine. Momma has 153. Can you guess what it is? ….. Shampoo! (I know I’m a weirdo, you don’t have to tell me.)

Nipurbulas – It’s a body part. Everyone has two of them. Some are big. Some are small. Some are dark, and some are almost invisible. On guys they don’t have much practical use other than keeping us from looking funny when we take off our shirts. Figure it out yet? Nips! Nipples! Nipurbulas!

Watoosie – A watoosie tends to follow you every where you go. You sit on it. Women always ask if their pants make it look big. Got it yet? Rear end…bum…butt…watoosie!

So…next time you go to the bar…order a slickery nipurbula and see if they know what you are talking about. 😀

Gibberish That Makes Sense

Ace is a gibber-jabbin fool!  All day everyday is filled with a random combination of the baby gibberish language consisting of some of the basic language sounds. “Da Ma Ba Ri Ta Sh Fu Do Bo Na Ge Zz Ay Ss”

Sometimes he says things that make sense.  Is it a coincidence?  Or is he smarter than the average bear?

Gibberish That Makes Sense #1
Ace was playing on the floor late one night, gibber jabbin as usual when he gets extremely tired, when I said, “Let’s go upstairs and go to bed.”  He stopped what he was doing, turned and looked at me, and said, “Right now?”

Gibberish That Makes Sense #2
Grandma was holding Ace.  It was obvious he wanted down on the floor.  He was fighting to get down off her lap, but she insisted on holding him.  He stopped fighting, turned and looked at her, and said, “I want down!”  She freaked out and put him down on the floor.

Gibberish That Makes Sense #3
Momma got really creative this Christmas and took pictures of Ace doing some finger painting.  She bought a hinged frame that holds two pictures.  In one side she put a picture of Ace covered in paint as he is painting.  In the other side she put a piece cut from his painting.  Grandma was holding Ace and showed him the picture.  She asked him, “Who is that baby in the picture?”  Ace said, “Ace!”

There are a couple other phrases that he says that make sense.  Such as “I got it” or “I did it”.

Coincidence?  or smarter than the average bear?