If Prison Wasn’t Such A Bad Place…

Ace and I were at the playground behind the neighborhood school the other morning.  The sun was shining (for once), and I was bound determined to soak up every ounce I could get.  It was going to be a good day!  I was taking loads pictures with the new camera and Ace was enjoying the curvy slide, the swing, and the bouncy bridge at the playground!

Everything was great!  We were both having a good time until…….I came across the first person that I wanted to literally strangle the life out of!

I have seen many people in my life.  Probably in the multiple tens of thousands I would guess.  Most of them are nice people.  Some are jack-asses, but not a single one ever fired me up like this one.

So,  I was helping Ace climb up the ladder to the bridge that leads to the slide when I heard, from around the corner of the school, a lady…sorry, wrong word, she was far from a lady…a bellowing woman yell at the top of her lungs… “SHUT THE F*CK UP!”

It caught me off guard.  I mean after all, we were at a school…ya know…where kids are present?   …and then she yelled it again…and again…and again!

Finally the bellowing woman rounded the corner of the school building with two other adults, three kids (maybe 8, 10, and 12 yrs old), and a dog on a leash.

They finally made it over to the playground…and of course had to play on the same piece of playground equipment that Ace was on.

I could hear one of the boys (the 10yr old) whining to his Mom (biologically..not emotionally) that he wanted to walk the dog.

She yells again, “YOU HAD YOUR F*CKING CHANCE TO WALK HIM AT HOME!  YOUR BROTHER IS WALKING HIM NOW SO SHUT THE F*CK UP AND QUIT YOUR DAMN CRYING!”

The boy cries more and asks again.  “Please Mom…I just want to walk the dog….please please please…”

The woman stands up and starts to unbuckle her belt.  The boy runs and screams…”GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE!  ONE MORE CHANCE MOMMY!  JUST ONE MORE CHANCE!”

At this time Ace has just made his way up onto the bridge and is walking across it.  I’m standing on the ground below him.

The lady whips out her belt and chases her son around the playground.  The other two adults with the group were laughing hysterically.

The boy runs up the ladder onto the same piece of playground equipment that Ace was on…and the Mom follows with belt cocked.

The boy stops about two feet before he gets to where Ace is and…WHACK!  She whipped the boy with her belt diagonally across his upper back.  And if a belt across the upper back wasn’t bad enough…it was a STUDDED BELT.  You know, the ones with the big stainless steel spikey looking things…!

After she cracked the boy…it was silent.  The laughing stopped.  The boys screaming stopped.  The only sound I could hear was the panting of the crazy woman.

I didn’t say a word.  I was speechless.  And then she looked at me and said, “Go ahead and call f*cking Child Services.  They can raise them.  I gave birth to them.  I can do whatever the f*ck I want to them.”

Aaaaand now I am pissed.  If a look could kill I’m pretty sure she would have died ten times over.

If it wasn’t for the whole going to prison thing I could have easily strangled her right there with her belt…

And then to top it off the other adults start laughing and yelling at the boy to stop crying.  His crying was scaring the little boy (Ace).

“No..you bunch of hill jack, loud mouth, studded belt swinging, piece of shit parents who think it’s funny to chase a little 10 year old around the playground putting all of these other younger kids at risk for getting hurt are scaring him!”

Man, that would have felt good coming out of my mouth…but I held it in.  It definitely went through my mind though!

No matter how bad I wanted to, I knew I couldn’t say anything.  These were the kind of people who honestly don’t care.  If they would go through all of that trouble to punish a boy for asking to walk the dog, what do you think they would do if I threatened to call the police?  And I was there by myself with Ace.  Nope.  I was not putting him in any kind of danger.

So I sucked it up…and kept my mouth shut.  I got Ace down from the playground and we walked over to the next playground area.

No stupid hill jack, loud mouth, studded belt swinging POS Mom was going to ruin our day!

Stylin’ The Do

Well, Ace is one year old. He has a full years worth of hair growth. It’s long in some places and short in others. It hangs over his ears and he has the makings of one cool-ass rat tail. 😀

So, we decided to have it cut for the first time. Here is a before shot…

Before Shot #3

So how should we get it cut? What would he like? Should we buzz it off so he looks like me? (which is impossible because he already has more hair than I do) Should we get him a tight fade? How about a flat top? Or should we let it grow into a rock-star like hair-do?

I went to http://ecarddesignanimation.com and made some virtual hair styles for the little guy…take a look at what I mangled up…

(Ignore the “FOR GOLD MEMBERSHIP” text. You gotta pay $20 or something to get rid of that crap, so you all will have to live with it, aight?)

Here is the pic I started with…

ace-close-up

and here are a couple of the looks that I created for the little guy?

2008-03-13_152415 2008-03-13_152507

How about a little longer?

2008-03-13_152628

And how about some shades and facial hair?

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Which one is your favorite?

After some in depth considerations we decided to go with this look…nice and simple.

Admiring his new hair-do.

We took Ace to a place called Cookie Cutters. This place was awesome. There was a small play area for kids to play in before getting their hair cut right next to where the parents sit.

The chairs that the kids sit in are even cool. Ace sat in a tractor. There were also chairs that looked like horses, trucks, airplanes, and boats! At each chair there was a TV. The kids can pick from a library of their favorite cartoons, or for the older kinds they can play their favorite Play Station game while getting a trim.

I think I might go there to get my hair cut next time (yes they cut Dad’s hair too) to get some uninterrupted Grand Theft Auto playing time. 😀

Anyways, Ace loved the tractor. He immediately grabbed the steering wheel and was “Hoggin’ up the road in his P-P-P-P-Plower” (For all you country music fans out there.)

All was good until the clippers got close to his ears. Then you would have thought that something jumped up and grabbed him by his danglies!

Momma had to hold him for a while while the stylist kept on cutting. I grabbed a bottle of bubbles and blew bubbles at a higher rate than a professional bubble blowing machine…to no avail.

Then Ace reached for me, so I held him while the hair cut lady kept on cuttin’. Drawing his attention to the TV stopped the screaming for a few minutes, but it didn’t last long enough.

Finally, the torture was over and he came out with a brand spankin’ new hair cut. After cleaning up a few tears with a Kleenex and wiping a years worth of Ace hair off of my coat’s shoulder…we were done.

Of course Ace got a fancy certificate and a locket of his hair for keepsake purposes. Hopefully next time there will be a little less screaming and a bit more laughing! We might have to mess around with my hair clippers at home for some practice before our next visit. 😀