Half Way There…

Did I mention that we were expecting again?  I did, but if you didn’t read closely you would have missed it.

So, yeah!  Twenty weeks in…twenty more to go!

We have been trying since shortly after Ace was born three and a half years ago.  We were successful at making Mr Sperm meet Mrs Egg three times now, but the past two times didn’t quite work out the way we were hoping.

So, now, this third time, we are pretty much in the clear.  Momma is already feeling movement, and we have an ultrasound scheduled for a week from Tuesday.  We should be able to find out the sex of the baby…if it cooperates.  😀

I won’t get to go however because I have to go to Dayton for training for work.  Big bummer!  But I asked Momma to make sure to tell the Ultrasound Tech to print plenty of pictures…and of course I will share them here on the blog as well.

So there it is…the official announcement.  Twenty more weeks to go!  It will be here before we know it…

What Not To Do!

It doesn’t take a lot of skill, or even smarts, to procreate.  Take a guy, a girl, a few pelvic thrusts, and whop-bam-boom…you have procreated.  Simple, right?

Actually taking care of Momma before birth, and the little procreation after birth is a different story.  Many mistakes, bloopers, and near misses tend to happen along the pathway to getting your child into this world and then on to adulthood.

I’ve only been tripping down this path for about 18 months now (I’m including the 9 months of pregnancy), and figured I would share what I’ve learned not to do…

Never Be Too Tired To Interact With The Belly

No matter how tired you are, if your lady is pregnant and she asks you to feel her belly, or rub her belly, or listen to her belly, or talk to her belly, or lick her belly (OK I made that one up)…do it.  Superglue your eyelids open, drink some Red Bull, jog in place, do whatever it takes to stay awake and do it.  You are not feeling, rubbing, listening, talking to, or licking just her belly…you are interacting with your unborn child and showing your lady that you are excited about metamorphosing into a Dad.  It means a lot to her. Trust me on this one!

Never Assume Pregnant Sex Is Even Remotely Similar To Not Pregnant Sex

So you and your lady have probably gone at it multiple times in the past.  You both know what works and what doesn’t.  You know what buttons to push and what sequence to push them in.  Once her belly starts getting bigger it’s like the program changes.  No longer is that angle possible, no longer is that comfortable, no longer does that work, and no longer are those allowed to be touched!  It’s like bumping uglys for the first time again.  Not knowing what to expect…and just plain awkward!

Never Tell Your Wife You Will Call Her Right Back When She Calls To Tell You She Is Having Contractions

I was at work on the phone with a customer and my cell phone rings.  Momma says she is having contractions.  I asked her how far apart they were.  She said 15 to 20 minutes.  I asked if I could call her right back after I get off the phone with the customer.  She said, “OK.”  I hurried up the phone call with the customer and called Momma back within 60 seconds.  Never ever do this…you will never hear the end of it. 🙂

When Your Lady Is In The Delivery Room Pushing Out Your Baby Never Answer Your Cell Phone Even If It Is Your Dad Calling To Get Directions To The Hospital

My Dad was coming in from out of town to be there for the birth of his first grandchild.  I gave him good directions, but for some reason he missed his exit and drove half way around the outer-belt and then ended up downtown.  He called my cell to figure out where he needed to go and it just so happened that it was at the exact time that Momma was deep into the pushing stage.  In between pushes she asked me where he was at, and was yelling out directions for him to get to the hospital.  It was not pretty!  Never EVER EVER answer your cell phone when your lady is pushing!  I’m sure this story will be told to my great great grandchildren. 🙂

Just Because Your Baby Boy Had Not Turned Into A Pee Fountain At The Hospital While Changing His Diaper, Do Not Expect It To Continue At Home

We walked in the door of my mother-in-laws house after leaving from the hospital.  Of course Ace’s diaper needed changed right away.  I walked him over to the changing table and ripped of his diaper just like I had done for the past three days in the hospital.  Much to my surprise…Pee Fountain!  It went everywhere, including, but not limited to…my mouth, his mouth, my face, his face, the wall, in his ears, up his nose, in his eyes, and of course all over the fresh new diaper.  He screamed, I screamed, and Grandma came to our rescue.  Consider baby boys cocked and loaded at all times. 🙂

Never Use The Finger Sweep Method

Most of the time it is not hard to tell if your baby has dropped a load in their diaper.  You can usually smell it from across the room.  However there are those times that you just are not sure.  So what do you do next?  You pick them up and place your nose against their diaper.  This will usually give you a definite answer.  However there are times it is still questionable.  Maybe they just farted and the air mixed poop particulates are slowly seeping through the urine soaked absorbent material in the diaper.  What do you do next?  You stick you finger inside their diaper and then pull it out.  NO NO NO!  It is inevitable that every time you do this it was not a fart!  It was not a little stinker!  It was a full on CRAP!  Never, under any circumstance use the Finger Sweep Method.  Instead resort to the Lift And Peek Method.  You can thank me later!

Never Assume That Because Bananas Make Your Baby Constipated and Prunes Gives Them The Squirts That Mixing The Two Will  Be Alright

The potency of prunes outweighs the potency of bananas 10:1.  Nuff said… 😀

Never Assume That Because Your Kid Is Sleeping Next To You On The Couch That You Can Watch Kat Williams’ “Pimp Chronicles” And Get Away With It

Just sitting there laughing myself silly at the borderline inappropriate comedy when I look over to see Ace…eyes wide open and laughing at the TV.  What the hell?  He can’t even talk!  How can he possibly comprehend that what the guy on TV is saying is funny?  I just hope his first words are not from that show! 😀


Wow…the things I should have done different.  And only in 18 months.  What will the next 18 years bring? 🙂

It’s Official, We’re “Trying” To Conceive

“Trying” is in quotes because I don’t believe in “Trying” to conceive. I believe in doing two things…lack of prevention, and practice makes perfect.

I see so many people that get stressed out, depressed, and plumb crazy because they can’t get pregnant. I’ve seen relationships on the verge of destruction from having no luck. And that’s what it is…”Luck”.

Seriously, there are hundreds of things you can do to predict the perfect time to do the deed. You can monitor body temperature, read mucus patterns (yuck), rely on some electronic device to tell you the optimum time, and calculate the exact second the egg should be passing down the fallopian tube based off of the first day of her last period.

In all reality it is like throwing 1 billion darts all at once towards a target that is 100 yards away. Many of the darts hit each other and fall to the ground. Many of the darts get blocked by trees and other obstacles. Many of the darts are not straight and don’t fly well so they just flop a few feet in front of you. A few of the darts hit the target, but not the bulls-eye.

What if the wind changes direction? What if the target is moving? What if there is not even a target there this month? How do you calculate and adjust for these variables that you can not see or predict?

Geez! I thought that making the baby was supposed to be the fun part! 🙂 This sounds more like a crazy science experiment to me!

Here is the method that we used last time. It is simple, and it worked…

  • Stop using birth control
  • Have sex
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • Uh oh, Aunt Flow is visiting
  • Have sex
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • etc., etc…
  • Uh oh, did Aunt Flow go on vacation and no one told us?
  • Take home pregnancy test, negative
  • Oh ok, Aunt Flow was just late…no biggie.
  • Have sex
  • Have sex again
  • Have sex again
  • etc., etc…

Repeat this process until Aunt Flow doesn’t visit and the home pregnancy test comes back positive.

Not once did we stress, make a single calculation, or pay any attention to any kind of mucus…(I get the heeby jeebies just thinking about it). 😉

However, it did take us a while. If I remember right it was eight or nine months. We lived our lives just like any other day.

  • Woke up
  • Went to work
  • Came home
  • Had dinner
  • Went to sleep

…and did it all again the next day. Of course many of those days had a random “Got Busy” in the list, but it wasn’t predictable. It wasn’t a job… It wasn’t a scheduled thing… It was fun and enjoyable!

I plan on doing the exact same thing this time. Once Aunt Flow leaves we will be back to throwing darts! Eventually a dart has to hit the bullseye. Right?

To Sex Or Not To Sex?

Do you want to know if you are having a boy or a girl? That is the question!

Finding out or not finding out the sex of your baby can change your experience as an expecting parent. Here are some things to consider…

To Sex

  • You can concentrate on only boys names, or only girls names when picking your baby’s name.
  • You can buy gender specific clothes. Blue for a boy, and pink for a girl.
  • You can decorate the nursery based on gender.
  • Friends and families love to find out the sex of your baby so they can start shopping!
  • Some people say they feel a closer bond when they know the sex of the baby.
  • There is no surprise when your baby is born, unless of course the doctor was wrong in determining the sex!

Not To Sex

  • There is a huge surprise factor. Some people say that this is the only true surprise in life!
  • You have to pick a boys name and a girls name.
  • You would buy mostly yellow and green clothing, unless you don’t mind dressing your son in pink. 😉
  • You can’t decorate the nursery gender specific.

If you decide to find out the sex of your baby just remember that the doctor is not always right! Sometimes it is hard for the doctor to see if the baby keeps their legs closed tightly for example.My friend was told that he was having a boy at about the 20 week mark. They went for another ultrasound closer to the end of their pregnancy and was told that their son really was a girl! By this time they had already picked a name, bought all of the blue clothes, and been dreaming about their new baby boy.

I myself, along with my wife, decided to find out the sex of our baby. I just liked the idea of being able to dream about all of the things to look forward to. It helped me get through the rough times. Since I was told I was having a boy I dreamed about camping, fishing, riding go-carts…you know all the fun guy stuff!

So what is your opinion on finding out the sex of baby during pregnancy?