If Prison Wasn’t Such A Bad Place…

Ace and I were at the playground behind the neighborhood school the other morning.  The sun was shining (for once), and I was bound determined to soak up every ounce I could get.  It was going to be a good day!  I was taking loads pictures with the new camera and Ace was enjoying the curvy slide, the swing, and the bouncy bridge at the playground!

Everything was great!  We were both having a good time until…….I came across the first person that I wanted to literally strangle the life out of!

I have seen many people in my life.  Probably in the multiple tens of thousands I would guess.  Most of them are nice people.  Some are jack-asses, but not a single one ever fired me up like this one.

So,  I was helping Ace climb up the ladder to the bridge that leads to the slide when I heard, from around the corner of the school, a lady…sorry, wrong word, she was far from a lady…a bellowing woman yell at the top of her lungs… “SHUT THE F*CK UP!”

It caught me off guard.  I mean after all, we were at a school…ya know…where kids are present?   …and then she yelled it again…and again…and again!

Finally the bellowing woman rounded the corner of the school building with two other adults, three kids (maybe 8, 10, and 12 yrs old), and a dog on a leash.

They finally made it over to the playground…and of course had to play on the same piece of playground equipment that Ace was on.

I could hear one of the boys (the 10yr old) whining to his Mom (biologically..not emotionally) that he wanted to walk the dog.

She yells again, “YOU HAD YOUR F*CKING CHANCE TO WALK HIM AT HOME!  YOUR BROTHER IS WALKING HIM NOW SO SHUT THE F*CK UP AND QUIT YOUR DAMN CRYING!”

The boy cries more and asks again.  “Please Mom…I just want to walk the dog….please please please…”

The woman stands up and starts to unbuckle her belt.  The boy runs and screams…”GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE!  ONE MORE CHANCE MOMMY!  JUST ONE MORE CHANCE!”

At this time Ace has just made his way up onto the bridge and is walking across it.  I’m standing on the ground below him.

The lady whips out her belt and chases her son around the playground.  The other two adults with the group were laughing hysterically.

The boy runs up the ladder onto the same piece of playground equipment that Ace was on…and the Mom follows with belt cocked.

The boy stops about two feet before he gets to where Ace is and…WHACK!  She whipped the boy with her belt diagonally across his upper back.  And if a belt across the upper back wasn’t bad enough…it was a STUDDED BELT.  You know, the ones with the big stainless steel spikey looking things…!

After she cracked the boy…it was silent.  The laughing stopped.  The boys screaming stopped.  The only sound I could hear was the panting of the crazy woman.

I didn’t say a word.  I was speechless.  And then she looked at me and said, “Go ahead and call f*cking Child Services.  They can raise them.  I gave birth to them.  I can do whatever the f*ck I want to them.”

Aaaaand now I am pissed.  If a look could kill I’m pretty sure she would have died ten times over.

If it wasn’t for the whole going to prison thing I could have easily strangled her right there with her belt…

And then to top it off the other adults start laughing and yelling at the boy to stop crying.  His crying was scaring the little boy (Ace).

“No..you bunch of hill jack, loud mouth, studded belt swinging, piece of shit parents who think it’s funny to chase a little 10 year old around the playground putting all of these other younger kids at risk for getting hurt are scaring him!”

Man, that would have felt good coming out of my mouth…but I held it in.  It definitely went through my mind though!

No matter how bad I wanted to, I knew I couldn’t say anything.  These were the kind of people who honestly don’t care.  If they would go through all of that trouble to punish a boy for asking to walk the dog, what do you think they would do if I threatened to call the police?  And I was there by myself with Ace.  Nope.  I was not putting him in any kind of danger.

So I sucked it up…and kept my mouth shut.  I got Ace down from the playground and we walked over to the next playground area.

No stupid hill jack, loud mouth, studded belt swinging POS Mom was going to ruin our day!

A Weekend Of Backflips

Today we were at the ballpark watching one of our friends daughters play softball.  Ace and I went to the playground.  😀

Of course, Ace is not quite big enough for the playground.  He can’t climb up to get on the slide, and he is not tall enough to jump on the swing set.  So, Daddy gets to play too.

Ace was swinging…Dad was pushing…Ace’s hands keep getting lower and lower on the chain.  He was eventually holding on to just the rings on the swing’s seat and not actually the chain.

He was getting wobbly and I was afraid we would end up in the emergency room.  So, I stopped the swing…raised his hands back up on the chain…made sure he had a good grip…and gave a slight push.

What’s Ace do?  He lets go!

It couldn’t be at the lowest point of the swinging arc.  No no no!  It had to be at the very tippity top.  Right where the swing stops moving forward and start coming back down.

So what happens?  Gravity.  That’s what happened!

Ace fell a few feet and landed on his back in the gravel under the swing set.  Of course I’m the only Dad at the playground, so all I heard were a bunch of Moms gasping for air…like that was going to stop him from hitting the ground so hard.  😀

It knocked the wind outta the little guy, but we walked back over to where Momma was and a sucker made everything hunky dory!  😀

And if you thought that was bad…

We were in the backyard playing.  Actually, I was working and Ace was playing.  I see Ace climb up the ladder on the swingset to go down the slide. He has only mastered this feat in the past few weeks and is extremely proud of himself for being able to slide by himself.

When I see him get to the top I usually give him a big smile and a “Yey!”  Positive reinforcement, right?

So I give him a big smile.  He smiles back.

Then I see is his eyes get big…

I see him falling backwards… (of course all of this is in slow motion) 😀

His feet are above his head…

He’s coming full circle…a full backflip…

Only about a foot from the ground now…

…and SMACK!  His face hits the ladder.

My eyes shut as I see his face bounce off of the piece of steel.

I open my eyes, try to remain calm, and briskly walk his way…

I can hear Ace crying…

Damn this is a long 20 foot walk…

Screw being calm…I’m running…

I find Ace lying face first in the grass…

I pictured black eyes, blood, a broken nose, and a trip to the ER.

I picked him up…roled him over…his face looked OK (for a screaming, slobbering 2 year old)…his arms appeared to be attached and in one piece…by God we may have come out of this one unscathed…but we go inside for a Momma inspection just in case.  😀

Luckily all he had was a nice sized Goose Egg right between the eyes!  No trip to the ER, no black eyes the next day, no blood, no broken bones…just a bit of swelling, a bit of crying, and a Dad whom you would have thought just saw his kid fall off of the Empire State Building .  😀

And people wonder where the gray in my beard comes from…  😀

My Little Swinger

Not that kinda swinger, you sicko!  😀

Everyone knows that I frequent Craigslist and find free stuff, like mowers…  I’ve been called “The King Of FREE Stuff!” by some friends.  Not sure that is a good thing, but I have found some good deals.  😀

Recently I came across another killer deal (AKA FREE)…a swingset!

Free Swingset From FreeCycle

I found this gem on FreeCycle. (Thanks Sara for being so generous and giving away such a wonderful swing set!)

Momma and I went over to Sara’s house and had to tear the swing set apart far enough that it would fit into the back of my truck.  It had not been used in years.  It was covered with dirt and moss…but that did not discourage us.  We brought the swing set home anyways…

Momma and Grandma S cleaned this swing set up with a little bleach and some elbow grease to like-new condition.  😀

After a few hours of cleaning and reassembling the swing set it was ready to go.

Ace seems to like free stuff too!  Here’s proof…  😀