Butt Mouth

Ace is being pretty stubborn about the whole potty training thing.  I swear he could hold it for days!  He can be without a diaper for a whole day and not pee, but as soon as a diaper goes on he overflows it.  😀

The other day Momma had Ace sitting on the potty chair, and like always nothing came out of the situation…

When he got up and ran out of the bathroom he bent over, looked between his cheeks and started squeezing one out…

He was amazed to see it actually happen!  He excitedly said, “MOUTH!”

Momma told him, “No, you poop from your butt.”

He says, “Poop from BUTT MOUTH!”

Stark Raving Madness

Busy Dad and Mr Lady have recently started up an “advice” ( a word that they use loosely ) blog where readers submit questions and get answers from a few different perspectives.

Some answers are serious and sincere.  Some answers are funny and make you chuckle.  You never know what you are going to get with these two minds at work… 😀

They recently answered my question:

Why do kids always need to go to the restroom (or totally blow up a diaper) at the most inconvenient times and places…like at a restaurant  in the middle of dinner, or even when you are driving on the highway just after you passed the last exit for the next 30 miles?

See the answer I got here.

Momma’s Going To Kill Me

So, I’m pretty sure Momma is going to kill me! Why? Because, I have a weakness for FREE stuff. Especially free stuff with wheels and an engine. 😀

In the past year I have acquired an 87 Chevy Blazer, a 77 Honda motorcycle, and 4 old push mowers that I didn’t pay a penny for. The free “junk” is piling up behind our shed at amazing rates! (If I don’t stop bringing home so called “junk”..I may just be found mangled in the “junk pile” behind our shed. 😆 )

Guess what…none of the free “junk” ran when I got them. (and most of them still don’t…but they will).

My most recent score was a 1970’s something model John Deere 56 riding lawn mower…yes…for FREE! I found it on Craigslist and was all excited! I am tired of push mowing our yard. I knew it didn’t run, but I know that almost anything can be fixed. I was really looking forward to kicking back, with no shirt, catching some rays, with a beer in one hand, and the steering wheel in the other as grass clipping flew all over the place. 😀

So I picked it up and brought it home, but guess what…not only did it not run, but it had no mowing deck. That means no blades. That means it is not mowing crap 🙁

Momma asked, “What the hell are you going to do with it if you can’t mow with it?”

Well, a few weekends ago I managed to get it started and actually move under it’s own power. Amazing huh? While most people would have taken this old worthless pile of junk to the dump for a proper burial, I found a good use.

Dad and Ace Riding On The Mower

Quit snickering at my oh so cool camo hat and good jeans!

Now I just look forward to kicking back, with no shirt, catching some rays, with Ace in one hand, and the steering wheel in the other as we zoom around the backyard dodging the land mines and annoying the neighbors with the rumble of a 6 horsepower engine running beneath our seat!

Screw mowing…let’s just ride!

By the way…I just realized that if I do things right, you can click on the picture and actually comment on the picture alone. Expect all pictures on DadThing to be like this for now on. 😀

The Poop-endectomy

Saturday, after breakfast, Ace and I went out to explore the backyard.  I was excited!  Ace was curious!  We were going to have one hell of a time rolling around in the grass and digging holes with sticks!

Ace Eating A Stick!

Not long after putting Ace down in the grass I realized we had a major issue on our hands!

POOP EVERYWHERE!

There is a whole winter’s worth of Buddy turds scattered across the newly discovered playground we like to call the back yard.  Images of Ace chomping on a dried up crap-biscuit flooded my previously serene mental state.

I sprint inside for a plastic bag.  Then race to the shed for a garden shovel.  Then back into the house for some toys to keep Ace occupied while I partake on yet another glorious aspect of being a parent…disarming the mine field!

Picking Up Poop

Off I go!  Scooping, and smearing, and plopping booty-cakes into a plastic grocery bag…  😐

Despite my best efforts, disaster was inevitable.  A casualty was encountered.  Here is a picture from the case file…

Poop On The Shoe

I immediately gathered up the victim and raced inside to perform an emergency poop-endectomy.  This was an urgent matter that had to be dealt with and covered up before Momma found out.  Why?  These were his good shoes!

The poop-endectomy was a success!  The shoes were as good as new, however completely soaked and temporarily unwearable  from the operation. 😀

5 Things That Will Make You Go, Hmmm?

  1. Cheese puffs are good.  Cheese puffs are so good that Ace will eat them until there are none left.  So many, in fact, that his fingers are permanently discolored, and his digestive system shuts down.  I’m talking orange polka-dotted-poop here folks…
  2. The dog has bad breath…really bad breath.  Almost smells as bad as his silent but deadlies.  And he loooves to lick your face.  😐 So, we got him the dog food that is supposed to clean his teeth when he eats it.  It works.  Kinda.  However, Ace likes dog food.  He eats it.  All the time.  Do we still need to brush Ace’s teeth?  I mean, I wouldn’t want to over do it…ya know!
  3. Baby dolls are for girls.  Ace is a boy.  He likes baby dolls.  Not in the carry them around, feed them, burp them fashion.  More like the poke thier eyes out and lick their face while holding them down on the floor fashion.  Should I be concerned?
  4. We have digital cable.  The kind you can pause and rewind.  Ace likes to play with the remote.  A LOT!  Ace puts it on Slooooowww Moootiooon all the time.  Is he telling us that he thinks we are slow?  We can’t keep up? Is it really that obvious?
  5. Shiny, streak free windows are good…to lick, according to Ace.  Is this glass licking fetish an early sign of “kid in the back of the short bus licking the window” syndrome?  God, I hope not.

In Other News:

Special thanks goes out to Jon D for awarding DadThing.com a Graco Monthly Nod (Notice the Graco button in the sidebar).  Check out the Graco Baby Blog for some good reading!